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I would go for the event...sounds like a good way to bond with all of the girls before the wedding.
Well, my MOH insisted that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses (I was clueless and didn't know) and I think this kind of extends to hair and makeup too. I think if you could afford it, it would awesome to treat your girls to a spa day kind of thing, but if you can't, no big deal. (I personally cannot afford this and wish I could.) If I were a bridesmaid, I would kind of expect to pay that myself anyway. I would rather have either a gift or the event thing. The gift would be nice just as a token or memento of the wedding and your friendship. Along those lines, especially with something like a camping trip, the time spent togehter might be really meaningful. I don't know how close you all are, but your BMs might appreciate just spending some quality time with you and appreciate being treated to a little outing or something. The camping thing actually sounds really nice. My FI is going camping with his best man for their "bachelor party" and I imagine it will be a really nice, meaningful experience for both of them. Spending time with your close friends might mean more to them than the cost of hair and makeup or even a nice, long-lasting gift.
Hope that helps.
haha Shanorama, you just said in like 2 lines what it took me a whole book to write
No, I don't talk too much, why do you ask?
I'd personally prefer the paid hotel room or the paid dress, etc, but I can understand how as a bride it would be wierd not to give some kind of "physical gift" or party for your bridal party. I think youre right in feeling strange about not getting them something in addition, which is why you might as well go for the party or gift. The only problem with the after wedding party idea is it is always difficult to get everyone in the same place for a day/weekend (unless your bridal party is all local, in which case, go for it!)
As a bridesmaid, I expect to pay for the dress and hair, hotel, etc. when I commit to being one. I would rather get a spa treatment or a nice gift. Although, you are helping with expenses by paying for the dress, it's not something memorable.
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I was originally going to pay for the hotel room & hair and mentioned it to my MOH and she said that she would rather have meaningful gifts than me cover the expenses she agreed to when she agreed to be my MOH (her words, not mine) and I was suprised...but I'd rather giver her what she really wants - not what I think she wants, have you thought about asking your BM's to see what they might prefer? A trip/outing sounds really fun too, all the BM's could get to bond before the wedding if they aren't familiar with one another!
I'd rather a gift b/c I expect to buy the dress and pay for my own hair. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and we each received a gift card to our favorite store, which she gave us over pedicures at a spa (that she treated us to). It was really great.
i would say spend money on something related to the wedding day (dress/hair/makeup/hotel, etc). b/c let's be honest, most of the bridesmaid gifts are useless....
The last time I was a BM, I got a beautiful pearl necklace and pearl earrings as my gift. I thought it was a very thoughtful gift and I wear the jewlery all the time even though I probably would have never bought it for myself because I have issues with buying things like that for myself. If you have an idea for a meaningful gift that your BMs would really love even if they wouldn't buy it for themselves, I say go for the gift!
I personally would prefer a gift that helps offset what it costs me to be in the wedding. I am getting my two maids slippers to walk around in before the wedding, their jewelry (they picked out inexpensive earrings and a necklace), and I am going to print them off a gift certificate of my own deisgn for either their hair or make-up (I haven't decided which). This will be presented with a letterpress card from Tallu-Lah in a really pretty box from Michael's tied up with a satin ribbon and a silk flower.
Wow, opinions are all over the place! The best BM gifts I ever had were hair/makeup/spa type things - generally the bride would take us to breakfast the morning of the wedding and then we would go to a nice salon and have the choice of hair/makeup or mani/pedi or another spa treatment. I usually pick mani/pedi as that lasts longer than just the day. If you're expecting your BMs to have their makeup and hair done (not giving them the option of doing it themselves) you should definately pay.
I have also been given jewelry, and that's great if it's your style. I'm allergic to sterling silver, and so I have given away every pair of earrings I received as a BM gift - just can't wear them. And I have five (5 - count them - 5) pearl necklaces. Got my first one for graduation, inherited another from my grandmother, got three as BM gifts. I should start regifting them too.
Something that lets you all spend time together is a good gift, if you have the time to do it (and assuming they do to). But I think that's why I like the breakfast/salon day-of gift, as it lets you get some pampering and some time together all in one shot, on a day you were going to devote to the bride anyway.
All of these ideas sound great! But, I have another question. Is it okay to treat my matron and maid of honor to something different than my regular bm's? I'm getting my bm's pearl earrings but the other 2 already have them and I would like to do something extra special for them since they're my sisters. Would a spa day before the wedding (like a couple of weeks before) be appropriate? I also was going to put together a "day of" care package for them so I would have something physical to give them. What do you guys think????
I had my girls pay for their own dresses, but I covered their hotel stay, hair and makeup the day of and I'm working on putting pictures into a collage frame for each of them to have as a memory of the wedding....
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I would prefer the bride cover some expenses, because I'm a very picky person and I know it's hard for people get something I really like - not that I don't appreciate it! But I think either way you go, your bridesmaids will appreciate your gesture. :)
@raabdm: since they are your sisters, i think this would be ok, bc it could be called a sisters spa day.....
i think it would be fine.
I would prefer to have the "gift" cover some of the expenses. Although most bridesmaids know that standing in a wedding involves costs, it is always appreciated if some of those costs were subsidized. :) And like amysue said, a nice personal note on the day of is very sweet. (I figure events such as spa day or some activity for the group can be covered either in the bridal shower or bachelorette party.)
I've been a bridesmaid I have to say that after all the time energy and effort, I would probably be annoyed that all I got was a bbq, or a camping trip, mostly due to the fact that every wedding I've been in, I haven't really been good friends with most of the other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I think I've only known (outside of the bride and groom) maybe one other bridesmaid, and in fact I have been in weddings where I can not stand someone in the bridal party. I pulled it together for the sake of my friend, but asking me to deal with this girl for any longer might have put me in jail for homicide. If there were reasons for this, like they couldn't afford to get everyone gifts but wanted to thank them I'd be more inclined to be ok with it.
I think getting them a gift is nice, I particularly enjoy getting my mani pedi paid for, or my jewelry,or having some small trinket given to me as well, I'm picky too, but a nice frame is always good, and you can get a copy of a beautiful shot of just the two of you, or her with her date and it always goes over well.
I know its very normal for BMs to pay for their dresses and hair,etc. but when you're spending sooo much on a wedding including maybe unneccesary things or extra guests you don't even know.... as a bride it seems odd to me that we wouldn't pay BM dress, hair, makeup (especially if they want the BMs to wear something specific or really want hair and makeup done ) for people who are your best friends/siblings. Why would you give someone the honour of standing up with you and then make them pay for it? Especially when they help so much (hopefully). And although paying to get their hair done, and for the dresses you want, and the jewellery they wear is just has much a gift for you as it is for them I'm pretty sure they'd rather you cover those costs then be given a gift. A heartfelt thank you for being in my life and my wedding and paying for the costs seems pretty good to me.
I only have one BM, so I want to get her something nice (which for my budget is like $100), but no idea what. She is one of those lucky women with so many friends, that she is constantly a BM for people. I told her to wear any dress she wants, so she is wearing a black dress she already owns. She said that in iteself is a gift because she doesn't have to buy another expensive BM dress that she hates. She is not big on jewelry. Would a gift certificate to her favorite store be too impersonal? Especially since her favorite store is JCrew and $100 doesn't buy you much there. Any suggestions?
I personally am getting my Bridesmaids a Tiffanys bracelet with their initials engraved on it. (it's $100 for the bracelet). I think they would rather have something from me that means alot to them. I wish I could go on an outing afterwards! that sounds like a great idea!! but getting them together for a weekend would be impossible! its hard enough getting them all together for lunch!! LOL
but anyway! haha I think you should do something personal for them! i think later down the road they would appreciate it more. you dont have to go all out! do what all of our moms have always said! "It means most when it comes from the heart!" :) hahah
I have to say I have tried to be very controlled in the things I ask my girls to do. I chose very nice and simple bridesmaids gowns in a navy blue (which can totally be shortened to cocktail length and worn again) I'm asking them to pay for their hair, everything else I'm either ambivalent about (shoes and pedicures) or I'm paying for (nails and jewelry).
As gifts I'm planning on giving them a nice vase to put their bouquets in at the main table (plus then we don't have to get flowers for the table), plus a variety of little stupid things that are tailored to the girl. I'm also indvidualizing the bouquets they carry, so they will all be very similar, but the white flowers in MOH will be white roses, BM #1 will have white french tulips and BM#3 will have while lillies, so they have a bouquet thats totally theirs. We're also going to leave them little goodie bags in their hotel rooms (since all will be newlyweds within the last 18 months) of champagne, chocolate dipped strawberries and some really great bathrobes and slippers we found on sale for each girl and her husband (we want to thank them too, since they have to put up with the bridesmaids doing all kinds of work, and sacrificing time and money to my cause).
You don't have to do much, all told we're actually spending about 75 dollars on each of the bridesmaids gifts, which is probably just as much(if not more with the cost of food going up) as you would spend on food, beverages and gas for the grill
I would rather have something like hair/make-up or hotel covered. So much money is flying around, why bring more into the mix? Some presents can be really nice and some of them end up just being "stuff".
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...would you rather get a gift, have the bride pay for something relating to the wedding day (ie hair, makeup, hotel) or have some sort of event before or after the wedding that the b&g pay for (like a camping weekend or amusement park trip)??
ive never been one so i dont know what i'd rather get. i sort of lean toward hotel room or hair, but then wouldnt you feel obligated to get a gift too? i really cant spend more than $100 per bm & that is definitely STRETCHING it.