If you were attending a destination wedding, which would you prefer?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: At destination weddings you prefer:
    Optional events to be scheduled - I like getting to know the other guests. : (49 votes)
    57 %
    No extra events - it's my vacation! : (37 votes)
    43 %
    Other - I'll tell you below. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    How can “optional” be wrong? 😀

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    22135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Hmm, if I were in Punta Cana for your wedding, I would want to take the “downtime” as my own vacation like you said. Maybe you can compromise by making a list of some recommended activities but not actually organize anything yourself? You have enough to plan and worry about, and I’d think your guests can enjoy Punta Cana just fine on their own. 😉

    Post # 5
    Member
    2526 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @mu_t:  If there are any touristy activities that people will likely want to do or anything that is fun to go see, I would plan one or two of those. We are doing a DW in Italy, so we are having some tours of the Vatican and Coliseum since those are things we know many from our group would want to see. I don’t know about the non-touristy events though. If someone planned a tournament (sport or card game), I probably wouldn’t attend, so unless those things are really big amongst your group, I’d skip those.

    Post # 6
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate

    We are havign a DW and will probably schedule 1 optional event (luau, booze cruise, or soemthing else) for the day after the wedding.  After, that you are on your own.

    Post # 7
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee

    @mu_t:  include a listing of a wide array of events from water sports, ziplining, horseback riding to exploring the city. You might not want to set a physical schedule, that way people can have their time to explore but providing a listing of resources would likely be appreciated. that way if they want to participate and mingle with guests they can but they also dont feel obligated to stick to the plan and take some time to explore their own interests.

    I personally as a guest would just like a nice listing, maybe include some times if the places have a certain time of day that they go on excursions and one PLANNED event for everyone throughout the stay. (however see if the listing is provided by the hotel)

    Post # 8
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Optional is fine, it’s optional after all.  People can come or not.  You don’t need to schedule something every day, but maybe do a couple things depending on how long you’re there.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2823 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We had a DW in St. Thomas and we had a welcome dinner, wedding rehearsal & the wedding. The rest of the time we let everyone enjoy themselves as it was their vacation too. We did all have dinner together a few nights during the trip, but it wasn’t planned and sort of just happened. As a guest at a DW, I wouldn’t want to spend too much of my time doing planned events, especially since it’s also my vacation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2150 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @mu_t:  I wouldn’t plan any extra events. 

    My FI’s brother had a DW two summers ago in Myrtle Beach.

    They had a welcome dinner at Medival Times (so not our thing), their bachelor(ette) parties scheduled Friday night, golf outing for the guys Saturday, and got married Sunday.

    We didn’t go to the dinner at Medival Times because we arrived that afteroon and it just wasn’t our thing. Everyone attended the bachelor(ette) parties. The guys, including my fiance, golfed Saturday, and Sunday was spent on the wedding and reception dinner. I barely got to see FI the whole time we were there, save for Saturday night when just the two of us went to dinner.

    Honestly, the trip was a waste of close to $2000, except for seeing FI’s brother get married. The ceremony lasted 5 minutes, and they had a reception at home a few months later.  

    We are not beach people, so assuming that a trip to MB was a “vacation” for us was totally ignorant on FI’s brother’s (but mostly his wifes) part. Please don’t assume that your DW will be a vacation for guests. We had to go because it was FI’s brother and he was best man. We spent a lot of time and money, and lost a lot of money due to not having vacation time provided by our jobs, on a vacation we didn’t even want to go on. The trip could have been more fun if we had the option to spend whole trip doing whatever we wanted and attending the wedding Sunday, than attending bride and groom events the whole trip. I suppose the events were optional, but when you’re the best man, you’re more obligated to attend- as was I. 

    Sorry if my post came off a little bitchy. It just rubs me the wrong way when people assume that their DW is a vacation for those attending.

    Post # 11
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @mu_t:  Since a little less than half of the peoplewho voted in the poll said ‘no’ to extra events, I think you should schedule some but be very clear that nobody has to attend them if they don’t want to. I am one of those people who’d be guilted into going to the extra events, and I would feel better about not attending if the bride stressed that the extra events were not a part of the wedding festivities. If you make sure that people don’t feel like they are skipping out on a part of the wedding by attending then everything should be fine.

     

    Also make sure that you only schedule a couple of events. Don’t put multiple things on every day, an event every couple of days should be fine. Your guests probably don’t want that and you should be taking time to enjoy yourself! 

     

    I’ve never been to a DW that was more than days but I personally would prefer things like a group breakfast or a barbeque on the beach, something everyone will enjoy like scuba diving, and maybe one silly activity. I don’t really knw wat kinds of activities you had in mind and these migh be too expensive.

    ETA: After reading a pps reply I’m leaning the other way now. Op, if you do have activities then I still think this is the way they should be done. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    11722 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d make a list of suggested activities.  Maybe you could reach out ahead of time to your guests to see if they’d like you to organize a group trip somewhere, but I wouldn’t want to be scheduled on my vacation!

    Post # 14
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @MichiganGirl24:  I just posted a response to the OP that was disagreed with you, but I think you are so right. If it is a DW where the wedding lasts multiple days then people come expecting to attend wedding events, so it’s pretty hard to seperate those events from the type of casual hang out the OP described. I mean it’s your wedding, I doubt many people would say ‘don’t feel like it’ if you asked them to do an activity, since this entire trip is about your wedding then you’re sort of obligated to attend. 

    OP, I think it’s important to remember that DWs are like work vacations – they’re not really vacations. Your guests are there attending a wedding and so for the most part group meet-ups with other guests will be thought of as non optional. A DW isn’t a group vacation so there isn’t really the right context for casual, optional events. 

    If you really want to schedule group events then go for it. Every bride forces her guests or bridal party to do/pay for something they don’t want at some point. People will feel pressured to attend your events but they will go and be happy for you and most of them will have a good time. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t think you need to plan anything. Maybe just have a list of things that your guests could do if they wanted (tours, horseback riding, sailing…).

    I’ve only been to one destination wedding and the couple printed out a little list of things to do in the area and put it in little welcome bags. It was nice because we were able to do whatever we wanted on our own schedules. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    8282 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I chose no extra events. People who don’t want to go may feel obligated to go. 

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