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For some reason, my friends are blowing up my Facebook wall with "If SAHM(W) were paid, they would make over $100k because they are maids, chefs, nurses, therapist, ect"
UGH! Maybe I'm just bitchy today, but I hate this attitude! Should I be getting paid double!? Because guess what? AFTER I work 8 hours every day, I have to come home and be a teacher, a maid, a chef, a therapist, a nurse, a lover, a mediator, and on some days a dragon trying to get the princess!
Where is this attitude coming from?! I'm not meaning to offend, but I'm just sick of seeing this on my wall in the last few days. Is it SAHM(W) appreciation week?
ohhhh I have a feeling this will go south quickly, but I can't pretend like sometimes I don't feel the same way. It pisses me off when I get home to DH with his feet up on the coffee table asking me what's for dinner as soon as I get through the door. And after the kid gets here it won't be any easier.
They drive me nuts, too. I mean, yes, I know they aren't sitting at home eating bon-bons all day ala Peg Bundy, but we already know that.
LOL I'm a stay at home mom and if there's one thing nobody likes, it's an insufferable martyr stay at home mom. Momming in general is hard. Nobody disputes that. Acting like you should get a Nobel Prize because you stay home all day and don't bring home a paycheck is obnoxious. Accept the compliment when someone tells you you work hard; don't go sniffing for them by lamenting the fact that you're caring for the child you chose to have and the kid doesn't give you a salary for it.
Before anyone gets pissed, I KNOW you aren't sitting around doing nothing all day. I've been there. I was a SAHM for 6 months. I'm just sick of the sayings! If it were an actual job, every woman would be a SAHM (W).
I need chocolate. lol I'm unusally bitchy today.
@Miss Tattoo: I have a friend that posts things like that constantly on Facebook. Drives me crazy.
I understand where you're coming from b/c some work has to be done regardless of your occupation unless you're loaded and can afford to pay someone to do all the work that normal people do. However, SAHM's are grossly devalued in U.S. Just look at our substandard maternity care and leave. I suggest that you read "The Price of Motherhood: The Most Important Job is the Least Valued" by Ann Crittenden. Before I read that book, I really looked down on SAHMs. She doesn't speak exclusively of SAHMs but of mothers.
I totally get where you are coming from, but I think there are a few points for both sides we all forget
Working mom's have someone to take care of the kids during the day. Not all, but many have other kind of help ($ for convenience food, take out, cleaners, etc)
SAHM's also take on more than working mothers would. Maybe they cook different dinners? Some bake, some spend more time cleaning, some do crafts, some take more time to save money shopping and clip coupons and shop at different stores, some decide to make their own baby food, I even tried making my own cheese! etc.
I am unemployed right now and I am filling up my days with no kids. I go to the gym more, I am at a friends right now helping her fix a computer, I take the dog to the dog park more, I cook more elaborate dinners... all stuff I wouldnt do as much if I were working.
@Miss Tattoo: I agree. I always hated those stay at home mom sayings since I was a kid, because my mom was one of the few non-SAHM's growing up. I always felt like saying, "My mom does everything you do AND works! You shouldn't get some kind of trophy!" But I do understand that being a SAHM has it's own set of challenges.
Why are your friends writing that on your wall? Isn't that weird/obviously rude?
Are they like, close friends who are trying to be funny? Or random people who should probably get unfriended anyhow...
The posts kind of annoy me too. I mean, I get the fact that we just all want to be appreciated at the end of the day though. I work part time 2 days a week and a SAHM the other days, and I do both because I want to. There is no way I would say I should get paid for doing it, now would I want to... My son doesn't have a price tag on him.
Also, these women claiming that they should be paid, who do they think would be paying them?? Society shouldnt have to pay me for looking after my child.
I really don't get why some people turn this subject into a competition (not on the boards but in real life).
Some people work b/c they have to. Some people get to stay home. I'm sure some working mom's would love to be SAHMs and vice versa. Obviously while there is no monetary compensation for being a SAHM you're rewarded daily with 8 to 12 hours of extra interaction with your children and that is worth a lot of money in my opinion.
I'll be a working mom b/c I have to be (lottery winning pending....) and 90% of facebook messages annoy me; I should probably just delete it.
@joy2011: I think she means they're making it their status, and she sees it on her news feed.
@joy2011: It's not on my wall, it's in the newsfeed. I'm like WTF!? Who posted this and why is it going viral!?
I'm not turning this into a working mom vs sahm debate, but I wish some of them would STFU about what they do during the day. It just makes me want to be like "so? I do the same shit in less time and work and my house is cleaner than yours." lol I bake every other night. I cook hot breakfast for my daughter and FI every morning. I come home on my lunch break to go over writing and reading with my daughter, do the dishes, and start dinner in the crock pot. I come home and go over reading and flash cards with my daughter, finish dinner, do dishes, laundry, ect. BUT I don't post a FB status that I should be making double what I make! lol This is life! You choose to work or choose to be a SAHM. You don't get a sticker for either choice! STOP ASKING FOR ONE DAMNIT!
I can see where you are coming from I guess but I really don't agree. SAHM's are so undervalued and people don't really appreciate everything that goes into taking care of children and running a house for 16 hours a day, every day. It is a very different set of responsibilities and work than people who go to a job/office for 8 hours a day (plus lunch plus commute make it ~10 hours) and then are at home for 6. (all assuming the standard 8 hours of sleep for either individual).
Neither is right, wrong, or better but I think many people view SAHM moms as lazy or "just" moms without really thinking about everything that goes into the role.
@Miss Pinup: These people aren't claiming they should be paid. They're just pointing out that being a SAHM has a value, just like being a doctor, working in an office, or running the register at McDonald's. That value is normally intangible because they don't get paid like those other jobs do so they are putting the value in a perspective that non-SAHM's can understand.
@lefeymw: But those are all luxuries...Nobody is saying SAHM's are lazy or anything, she's just pointing out how illogical those posts are because working mothers have to work and maintain a household, which is essentially more work.
I don't like those posts, either. They make no sense. I get that it's hard work and all, but I think being a working parent would be more difficult because there isn't just a child-rearing/household maintenance obligation.
@Miss Pinup: I don't think its about being paid, but for people to remember its a job to. The cost is related to how much it would cost people to outsource what they do.
I think it is easy to forget that both working moms and SAHMs work hard. Some choose what they want to do (boths dies) and some have no choice. Its about appreciation more than the $ value.
I also think its usually more directed towards husbands. I think it was Oprah that had a few couples switch spots and the husbands were exhausted and shocked after one day of being a SAHM. They didnt realize how much she did because it was just always done. Laundry away, dinner on the table, everything clean, lunches made, homework done, bills paid etc...
I don't think SAHM's are lazy. Far from it. When I did it, my days were filled once she got to a certain age. The newborn stage was kind of blah because all she did was nurse, sleep, and poop. Again, I am not turning this into a debate. I wish the stuck up know it all SAHM's would STFU and stop posting crap on FB about why they deserve an award! If they (who is they!?) start handing out awards for just living life, then I'm all about it! Give me a sticker for getting the dishes done before midnight!
@Miss Tattoo: I don't think anyone is saying that you personally think SAHMs are lazy (and it doesn't appear that your friends' posts were directed towards you). But many people DO think that SAHMs are lazy or that they are somehow below working mothers because they are "just" moms. It is that mentality that the statements your friends are posting are trying to counteract.
I don't think it has anything to do with being stuck up. SAHMs just want to be respected for the hard work they put in each day. Many, many people in this country don't offer them any kind of respect.
I'm a SAHM and I love it. And I do get paid, with kisses, and hugs, and smiles, and a sense of adventure that I lost a long time ago. I also live a pretty good life with my fiance, so I am not complaining. However, I kinda get the whole facebook post thing, although I am yet to see it. I think everyones entitled to say what they think they are good at and why they should get appreciation for it, why not?
Those posts would annoy me too . . . the worst was when I had a friend who was a "SAHM" even though she only had custody 60% of the time and still sent her kid to day care full time.
Hrmm...if you ask me...anyone who needs to justify what they are doing in life as being worthwhile is not doing anything too worthwhile. Being a SAHM can be a worthwhile thing, but if you are talking about how you are not getting enough recognition for doing it, chances are you're not doing anything noteworthy as a SAHM
i dont get why anyone needs to be so outspoken about their self worth. i get it, you stay home and raise little people, kudos to you because i know i couldnt do it but in the meantime i go to the office and makes decisions that affect hundreds of employees and their families and yet i dont feel the need for a parade to acknowledge my accomplishments
If we were all compensated based 100% off of how hard we worked the structure of our society would be completely different. However, this is the real world and it doesn't work that way...and if you're posting about it on Facebook to me you're just fishing for compliments.
@Miss Tattoo: So I posted this on another thread earlier today (and if you saw--I didn't mean to offend), but the stats that I was hearing the other day actually said mothers who work would actually bring in $80,000 more than a SAHM if they were to get paid for everything they do
I think stay at home moms get their feelings hurt when they go unappreciated for all the shit they do. A lot of times they get crap for "well you haven't worked all day" from their SO's...but I do have friends who are SAHM's who post stuff like that on facebook all the time and I find it obnoxious too.
@Heatherloveskenny: I did not see your other post so don't worry. I'm serious. When I got home from work, three different people had this posted:
Stay at home moms should make over 100k a year. They work as a daycare, psychologist/counselor, chef, CEO, teacher, accountant and maid. They work 97 hrs./wk. If you are stay at home mom and agree, repost this as your status for 24 hours.
WTF!? Stop with that shit.
I have a lot of friends who are SAHM's, so this shit is going viral with them.
I usually ignore all people who re-post stuff. It's dumb and I find it annoying. One of the many reasons why I disabled my facebook.
Most mothers on facebook annoy me. They should have some sort of post limit so we don't have to hear about every time their baby poops.
But for the SAHM mom thing--it's kind of a privilege to be a SAHM. I once worked with a girl who had a newborn and she would cry because she was missing out on her baby's infancy. I get that SAHM's aren't super appreciated in society, but surely the benefits should outweigh that if that's your type of thing. I just don't like that people walk around saying how hard their life is as a SAHM when so many people would do anything to be able to be with their kids all day :(.
I personally don't like these types of things either... I do NOT think anyone should be paid to take care of their own children. but I hate it even more when people do act like being a SAHM ISN'T work of sorts. And, yes I know that isn't what you are saying but as a general rule I find that most people think that way.
I agree, it definitely is a privaledge. I would hate to have another person taking care of my son fulltime. I am grateful that we can financially afford it. However, once hes in school I will be going back to work, I cant imagine just cleaning all day, how boring!!!!!
I feel like women do not do a good job of recognizing each other's strengths and understanding the choices other women have made. For each person/ family, there are different considerations.
For me, I cannot justify being a SAHM because I have invested so much time, energy and money into a doctorate program and am adding a master's degree (in fields that I am truly passionate about). I can't justify staying at home with my (future) 1-2 kids knowing that I will be able to make a difference in the lives of hundreds of peoples (or more) by doing the job I studied for and trained to do.
Is that balance different for different women? Yes. Would other women with a similar background as myself make a different choice? Sure. Should we all respect each other for our choices? Absolutely.
I think SAHMs play a valuable role in our society, but so do people like doctors, nurses, teachers, accountants, business women, etc. etc. I would really hate to see all of those people have to make the decision between having children or a career. Women who choose to work should not be looked down upon, and neither should women who choose to stay home.
Edit: I hear from a lot of people (like IRL) that staying at home is so much harder/ more work. I really think that's dependent on so many factors. At the end of the day, both sets of women are likely working 16+ hours per day, but the work is in different areas (home vs. work then home). I really don't think it should become a competition. Women just need to be supportive of one another. Just my two cents :)
I've done both now... worked full time and did the SAHM thing.... I think staying home is much more difficult (but I feel like it's already a paying gig because I save $200 a week I would have spent on daycare if I decided to work). Staying home is just sooo much work... more cleaning more cooking more time trying to keep your child entertained with new activitys and such. It's more work than I ever had to do at 'work' lol. There are no breaks from it and no change from it. Working and then coming home was nice... mix up my day and do different things, I guess I miss working a bit, sigh.
Like!
I can't stand when people post crap like this - it's so irritating when people fish for compliments. I'm sure you're a good mom, but you chose to have a baby and you chose to be a SAHM. I'm not giving you a prize for whining about it.
@lefeymw: I understand that, hence why I said: 'I get the fact that we just all want to be appreciated at the end of the day though'
I think we are going through a reversal as a society. More women are working, getting better educations than they used to and sometimes, more education than their husbands.
A couple generations ago, it was almost unheard of for a woman not to be a SAHM. At that time, working women were probably looking for praise because they were working two "jobs" and other women probably told them they chose it. Some working women were probably looked down upon for losing time with their children.
Now, working mom is the norm so SAHMs want to remind us that they work too because there is this incorrect stereotype that they're just at home watching soap operas. I haven't had experience with either one, that just my .02¢.
Some people just use their FB to vent about every.little.thing in theirs lives. Maybe someone came along and told those people something like, "Oh you are JUST a stay at home mom?" and that is what sparked their FB post. I know I've heard comments like that before and it's just sad because SAHM(W)s are undervalued in our society and maybe that was more of the point of their post. It really does hurt to be disrespected in that way. As far as people who keep posting annoying things on FB, you always have the option to block their posts or unfriend them. And in the end aren't posts/vents like these (that seem to pop up every few months) the same as those posts/vents from FB?
I just don't like when my engaged friends judge me for wanting to be a working mom and not wanting to be a SAHM. It's like i'm not a real woman unless I want to devote my entire being to raising small humans.
@Miss Tattoo: I know this is going to sound pretty bitchy too, but many of the SAHM's I have on my friends list play around on FB ALL DAY! They play games, post random crap about "oh maybe I should do this or that" and they spend HOURS a day posting on FB and I see their houses and hear their husbands complain about them not doing anything all day. I understand being a SAHM is hard, and you are trying to raise your child and not miss out on anything, I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! It's not like I post on FB all day, oh hey guess what I drove to work, and hey while I was there I keyed over 10,000 pieces of mail PER HOUR! (which I do!). It is a life choice and sometimes it is more economical to have one parent stay home, but guess what? Those moms spend a lot of time NOT teaching their children or cooking or cleaning, but screwing around on FB and it pisses me off royally! So, I am right there with you.
BTW, I am not saying all SAHM's do this, just the ones I know and see on my FB newsfeed ALL DAY! Or I guess I should say I did, until I hid all their status updates because they got annoying.
@Lillindy: I could have been a total bitch and posted this on Facebook instead of somewhere else on the internet. It's not like I said SAHM's need to suck it up and realize the world isn't going to worship them for staying at home. I didn't write a post saying that all working moms should just counterpost things like "Oh yeah? Well I do all of that and work too, so suck it" I'm just venting that this has seemed to go viral on my Facebook and I'm sick of seeing it. I don't unfriend people for the stupid posts they make. I've only unfriended peole who said it would be funny to kill the President, caused nothing but drama, or I just don't talk to them.
Viral posts just get hidden, but again, it's annoying when all of the SAHM's on your friends list is doing it. And it's not like I'm on FB all day to hide this crap! I don't get on FB during the day (only because it's blocked at work) so I get to see 20 updates of the same message when I get home. Yay!
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