(Closed) If your bf didn’t propose within the timeline, would you start dating others?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Will you start seeing other people
    Yes, of course : (18 votes)
    21 %
    Hells to the no : (51 votes)
    59 %
    Other : (17 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Well, I hope this assumes you would break up first!

    I think this is too generalized to be of any use to most people. If I had been dating my guy a year and he said something like: “I’d love to propose in the summer.” and didn’t I would probably let it slide. Similarly, if some issue came up (health issues, death in the family, etc.) I think it’s fair to give leeway. If you’ve been together a long time though and there’s nothing holding you back and he hasn’t stepped up I would probably end the relationship and move on. At some point you’re just not on the same page with what you want out of the relationship and that’s when it’s seriously time to consider moving on. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @jackndiane: I think it really depends on what is being said to or what’s happening at the time. Is there possibly a financial issue?? Is he no longer willing to talk about it? If the subject just kind of disappeared and was no longer touched, then I’d say it would be time to think about finding someone else. Call me crazy, but I have a feeling I’ll be the one doing the asking. It’s not traditional, but . . . never know.

    Post # 5
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    IMO, if you love someone enough to marry them, you shouldn’t be able to start seeing other people so lightly because off something like a “timeline.” Timelines have a place, but I think this type is a bit juvenile, and is the type of thing that rushes people to get married, and then they married the wrong person because it was the right “time.” Life doesn’t follow a timeline, so don’t force it!

    Enjoy every moment as it comes, instead of being impatient for the future ones!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    Ehhh, this is a really delicate situation and I would have figure that out when the time came. It would really depend on the situation. For instance, if it was a timeline he had told me, and he hadn’t broken timelines before, I would sit him down and ask what’s up. However, if broken engagement timelines have happened before I would probably end it. Another scenario. if I had a silent timeline in my head and it didn’t happen, I would first talk with him about it openly. how long we had been dating and the way our relationship is in general would all way in on my choice. However! Lol if I had told him previously that if by x time we were not engaged I would leave, and that time came and went, then I would stick to my word and leave. It’s just really complicated and would have a whole bunch of different factors affecting my decision.

    Post # 8
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee

    If I was DONE and of course breaking up with SO and leaving him for good. Then I would start to date. That’s just natural. But CHEATING NO!!!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    4804 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I personally would need to be single for awhile.  I know he will propose, but if he didn’t I would still be in love with him even if we weren’t together.  I couldn’t jump back into dating right away.

    Post # 10
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I agree with @Tunacupcakes there are too many variables to say for sure. In my particular situation. I did give my FI a timeline. It was not, however, an ultimatum. We had talked about marriage openly for a while before I told him what I wanted, and we continiued to talk about it after. So for me there was never a case of “will he, won’t he” stress involved. I can see how a person might be driven to want to leave, or question a guys intentions if they were being strung along indefinitely. But as was said before it would just depend on the situation and the couple.

    Post # 11
    Member
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think this will depend on the situation each of us is in. For me my timeline means I will not stay in the apartment that I’m currently in. I hate my neighbors and while it is in a great location for FH, down the street from his work, it is really convenient for him, but not for me anymore. I start grad school an hour away and work 30 min away, there is a nice little community right in between those places and my lease is up in June. So if by June 1st he hasn’t proposed or asked me to move in with him, I will be getting a place that is most convenient for me. It will change our relationship and if he wants to keep seeing me he will have to make it work. Only if our relationship officially ends will I see other people.

    Post # 12
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee

    @jackndiane: Maybe he couldn’t afford it? An engagement ring, plus a wedding and house cost a lot of money. Try asking him. I am very open and honest with my boyfriend so I would def. want his answer. It’s your right to know so you don’t waste your time with him if he doesn’t want to commit. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee

    Hm, never thought of it that way but I guess so. If SO doesn’t propose by our (his) timeline, that means I’ll no longer consider him when I make life-decisions. I’d probably leave the state (I’m not from here). Of course, I’d eventually see other people. 

    To me, if SO doesn’t propose by the timeline, that means he never will. I don’t see *any* reason he could have that I’d be OK with. None.

    Post # 15
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wouldn’t necessarily end things, but we would having a very serious discussion about it, that’s for sure. It would depend on the circumstnaces and what he had to say. I don’t think I could date anyone for a long time if we did end things. There is no way I could just start seeing someone so soon after.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @mxpinky: That was generally my idea of our timeline, too.

    I would be making my own decisions after that time based on me and me alone, no more ‘us’ decisions. I wouldn’t necessarily end our relationship on that day, but I would start being more of my own person/making single person choices rather than considering what was best for us. I would want a lot of time to be single had we broken up. All hypothetical, though, because we were engaged before my SOGOTP date. 

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