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Ok, this is a topic that I discussed with my husband a few weeks ago. We both agreed that if our child told us they were gay we would be 100% ok with it and supportive. It actually disgusts us if a parent were to disown their child or have a problem with it. I guess I have been thinking about this recently because of some threads about religion and acceptance. My question is, if you are really religious or SO is, would you disown your child or disagree with their lifestyle and not support them? I feel so strongly about this, if I had a friend who did that I seriously don't think I'd want to be friends with someone so close minded. Do you know of anyone in your life that has actually done this? I am a firm believer that children are born the way they are, whether they are born with disabilities, sexual preferences, blonde hair, brown hair, etc. Thanks for your thoughts!
I have coworker who is devoutly jewish- and if his kids didn't follow his religion- they would be dead to him- I can't imagine what would happen if they were gay. It makes me sad because kids can't choose their parents.
I am not religious nor is SO but homophobic people don't have to be either. I know if we were to have a child who prefered members of the same-sex it would be a non-issue. I have gay/lesbian and bi-sexual friends, at the end of the day though they are just people to me and deserve the respect that ANYONE else deserves.
Sad story time:
My great-aunt and uncle, both lovely people but as God fearing Catholic as can be had 6 children (my second cousins). Their 6th's child named B was an opps baby so he was the youngest in the whole family, even among my mom and aunts. Apparently he was just the star child and EVERYONE loved him. Secretly though he was gay. My mom and aunts said they knew but obviously didn't tell the older crowd. They didn't care anyways but knew the older crowd (except my grandfather) was religious. I guess he would bring up the gay issue in round about ways like "So what do you think of gay people" and of course his mother and father would be like being gay is a sin, and they will go to hell, blahblahblah.
So one Sunday in December, when his parents were at mass because he was the last one living at home, he took all the pictures that they had of him in the house and destroyed them. Everything. His yearbooks, family albums, EVERYTHING that he was in. Then he went down into the basement and as my great aunt and uncle were coming home, my great-uncle hear a gun shot. He ran downstairs and he was just there, shot-gun wound to the chest bleeding on the floor. They were devestated. My great-aunt was apparently never the same again, and everyone knows that they would of loved him anyways, gay or not but it was their attitude towards homosexual people that made him scared and do what he did. It really affects my family still. He was 22, by the way.
And I tell that story when anyone starts mouthing off about gay people in front of me, intolerance wounded my family in a way it will never heal.
I'd have a hard time maintaining friendships with people that did that as well.
@MacFaniam24: My child is my child, nothing could ever cause me to love her less.
The only fear I'd have is other people making fun of her or damaging how she feels about herself. That would kill me.
@sceeder: What a sad story. :-( And unfortunately not a story that is too uncommon. There is a way too high rate of suicide and suicide attempts amongst LGBTQI youth. It's really heart breaking.
And @MacFaniam24: I don't have children yet, though I can't imagine ever rejecting them, ESPECIALLY about something that to me isn't an issue. If my future child tells me they have same sex attractions, I'd like to think that I would do all I could to support them in whatever way they felt was helpful.
I'm a Christian and everyone knows how the bible speaks on homosexuality. That being said, I'm already a mother to a 13, almost 14 year old daughter and I love my child UNCONDITIONALLY. PERIOD. She is a permanent chamber occupant in my heart. So if she told me she was gay, she would be gay. And to me, she would be gay at the END of a loonng list of other things....she's an honor roll student, she plays trumpet, piano, and guitar. She's funny, she NEVER gives me a hard time, she's a good kid. A piece of me would "have a moment" bc of what the bible says but that would be between her and God. And I would be sad for a sec thinking about grandchildren and such. And how the WORLD might discriminate against her, but me myself, would have a wonderful awesome beautiful daughter who was gay. Sorry so long. LOL.
i've always told myself, i want to have children when i'm ready to meet them, not when i'm ready to make them (both in the act of making them to begin with and making them as in making them who we want them to be). it breaks my heart to hear about people who have been told they are BAD or WRONG for being themselves. i want our kids to let their freak flag fly! (disclaimer before i get my head bit off by someone thinking i mean 'gay people are freaks', i just mean whatever part of them takes them away from the majority) whoever they are, they should own it! i want them to be the best THEM they can be, why should they be anything else?! we all have things that differ from the majority, it's what makes people unique and special.
would i have some concerns about how their peers may react to the fact that they were gay? sure i would, but i wouldn't say it! i wish that wasn't something anyone would have to consider, but there are a lot of hateful people in this world.
Its sad to hear parents judging their children so harshly. I have 2 boys and would love and support them just the same. For me its about them being happy and finding someone that loves them. We are regular church goers and I have spoken to both of my boys about my disagreements with the church and why.
That's one of the questions I asked FI before we got serious. If he wasn't completely okay with one of our children being gay, it would have been over with immediately. Lucky for me, he's not homophobic at all.
Indy actually has a center where teens can go for support if their parents kick them out for being gay :(. It's so sad that someone would do that :(.
I wouldn't disown my child, they'd still be my child no matter what, but i'd be lying if i said i wouldn't have a very hard time accepting it. DH and i talked about it, he said he'd be more dissapointed if a son were gay rather than a daughter, i don't really understand that, but to me either one would be equally hard to accept, i think. but, of course, at the end of the day, that's still my baby, i'd still love my child.
@sceeder: That is a very sad story. And I wrote my reply prior to reading it but it just HIGHTENS what I feel. I looove my baby, when she's 30 yrs old she'll still be my baby. And I would rather her be here and gay then gone.
I comment on the LGBT posts on here just like I do the other brides who are planning or recapping their wedding. It really is a "NON-ISSUE" for me.
FI and I are probably the least religious people on the planet but if our child told us they were gay, it wouldn't change a thing. FI used to be kind of homophobic (most of his family is) but he's gotten much better in the last few years since his business partner is gay.
It infuriates me when parents disown their children for their sexual preferences. In high school, 2 of my best friends were obviously gay yet had not come out. One of my friends parents (lets call him C) were very religious and lead what we refer to as a "cult" for a local church. They were never shy about their feelings for homosexuals even though their own son was one.
After high school my other friend (lets call him J) moved away for college and finally came out that he was gay. It was certainly not a surprise to anyone except for C's parents (C & J were best friends). C's parents forbid J from ever stepping foot in their house. They would talk about how disgusted they were that J was gay infront of C who little did they know, was gay as well.
C was living a miserable life. He so desperately wanted to come out but was terrified of being disowned by his parents. C eventually met a guy who he really liked. They dated secretly for a while and C decided that he had to come out to his parents. His parents refused to accept that their son was gay and they made him feel terrible for his choices. Eventually they came around and are "dealing" with it.
His parents, and any like them, absolutely disgust me. When you have a child you vow to love them forever, regardless of the choices they make. C's parents would have preferred he live a lie and be miserable for the rest of his life than be gay. Whenever I see C's parents out in public, I refuse to so much as acknowledge their presence. Theres no room in my life for such closed minded, pathetic individuals.
I have a friend who has remained "in the closet" to his parents for many years now because he is fearful of what they would think/do. I think it's sad and unfortunate that some people feel that they need to live this way.
I could/would never disown a child for being gay and I don't believe my husband would either but his family is very conservative/old fashioned kind of thinking. He has a cousin who is gay and unfortunatly, most of his family doesn't speak to this cousin anymore. This is the reason I've never even met this person. I guess they think he chooses to be gay which I don't believe either. It's sad that people think that way.
We've discussed this as well and agreed it is a non-issue. Basically we just talked about how we're happy they would be able to get married since we live in Canada.
Not an issue to me, I don't care if my future kids are straight or gay, I just want them to be happy and healthy.
I completely agree with OP. If my child came to me and told me they were gay, I would clutch them to my bosom and tell them how much I love and support them. If I was friends with a person who disowned a member of their family because of something they were born with, I would not speak to that person again.
FI's sister is actually gay and no one in the family knows except his brother and him and they are totally ok with it...we are in the south and his family is very religious and she will probably never tell them that she is gay...which I think is sad. With that said...my parents are the same way...they believe its a choice and vulgar...and we have had many arguments about it. BUT my best friend from college is gay and my mom LOVES him...and one day I told her that he was gay...and she was upset at first but she pretty much got over it and still thinks he is great. So I think that even people that say they wont accept it...actually will when they are face to face with a loved one being gay.
Nothing would change. Nothing. She’s Annabelle regardless of who she loves.
I don't want kids but have a niece and 5 nephews and if any of them were gay it wouldn't change a thing. I'd still be there by there side! I mean, it's like telling me they have a hangnail - I don't care. Doesn't matter to me in the least. I cannot imagine the type of hateful, disgusting person that would find this to be a reason to be angry or disown their child. I wouldn't even want to KNOW a person like that.
I would probably be a little upset, yes, but not because they were gay. I would be upset because a particular worldview had been broken. I would realize that they would not have quite the life I had imagined for them, and I might never have grandkids, etc.
And then I would get over it. My baby will be my baby whether they've broken my worldview or not. I have nothing against gay people, and so I don't think they'd be doing anything wrong. I would feel the same sort of upset if I heard that my child were gay that I would feel if they told me that even though I had pushed them their entire life to be a doctor, they had decided they wanted to be an artist. It would be momentary and fleeting, a bit of sadness for a kind of life that wouldn't be, and then I would get over it because I love my child no matter what.
I have a gay brother that I love with all my heart. My brother did not officially come out until he was 21, unfortunately at the time, our mom was on her death bed, and it upset my sister and my other brothers that he would do that. I understood though, that he couldn't let her die without her really knowing who he was, and that he needed to know she was ok with it. Despite her being a devoutly religious woman, she did understand and told him so. He told me not long ago that he wished he had told her years earlier, and not wasted so much time living a lie in front of her. The rest of my siblings have all come around to accepting our brother as he is, and for what he is. He is the one I am the closest to in my whole family, and will be walking me down the aisle in November.
Let me see, I would probably say "Hey, that's great. Me too." I would be happy for my children if they were gay, lesbian, bi, straight, pansexual, polysexual, queer, questioning, asexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, etc., etc.
Not an issue for us, and my parents and il's are the same way. They are born that way, so no matter what, we would still love them
I have very little tolerance for anyone that disowns their children for any reason. If you get to know the person and you like/love them, it shouldn't matter what their sexual preferences are. I can speak from experience and tell you all that if my children grew up to be gay, I would not disown them. I have two grown sons that are gay and they are very happy. And I love them very very very much. When they "came out" and told me, it wasn't a surprise to me. I knew quite early on that they were gay. The only regret that I have is that I wish they would have felt comfortable enough to tell me sooner than they did. They waited until they were of age before they told me, and if they would have told me earlier, maybe I could have made their life a little easier. I don't know. I have always tried to show compassion and they have each thanked me for the way that I raised them, but I just wish they would have felt more comfortable earlier on to share. I know it must have been hard for them when they were going to school and in other social situations. I guess it is that way for everyone though; kids don't really want to talk about sex with their parents.
My bro is openly gay. He had spent his whole childhood living around people who weren't the same as him. He had know idea how to fit in. Of course he thought there was something wrong with him. When he came out (about 6 years ago), he admitted that he had many suicidal thoughts. My dad took it the worse and thought that he had done something wrong when raising him. He is 100% ok with it now and my brother is finally starting to live the way he was meant to be. Of course I am 100% ok with it and never judge my child, nor blame myself. I have talked to 2 of my aunties who lost their sons in tragic accidents and they said they would take them back in a heartbeat if it meant they were gay. We don't know how precious life is, not matter who that person is.
It really wouldn't change anything for either of us. If he/she is happy, then I'm happy.
A childhood friend of mine is transgender and my aunt is gay. I have more gay friends and family than I can count and I don't see the difference.
I think it's great all the responses that have come in and the support you would give your child. I"m wondering for all of you that said you were 100% ok with it and would love and support them how religious are you? And if there are any really religious people out there, do you feel that they are "choosing" this way of life?
@MacFaniam24: We are not religious. My dad is actually Catholic and they practiced when he was a child but he does not now. I really wish religion didn't have to stand in the way of a persons happiness.
My FH and I have had this conversation several times. Even though we are pretty sure that we never want any children we decided to talk about some of the what ifs and how we would like to handle things.
I have several gay family members and quite a few gay friends. My uncle has only come out to me and my cousin because everyone else would treat him differently.
One of my gay friends came out to his family, and they call him a fag, tell him he'll never amount to anything because he's gay etc. It's heartbreaking.
I'm not really religious, and while I admit that I may be a little surprised if my child came out to me, I would love them and treat them just like I had before. Your child is your child. That's all there is to it.
My FH on the other hand is religious and says that he will "never have a gay child" and would more than likely treat them differently.
Obviously, FH and I have very different standpoints about the issue, but I highly doubt that he would disown our child because they were gay. I know he's not extrememly comfortable around gay/lesbian/bisexual people, but he is getting better.
@MacFaniam24: I grew up without religion partly because everyone left the Catholic church after that horrible thing, the younger crew including my mom. His parents stayed Catholic though. B, who shot-himself weirdly enough is buried in the Catholic cemetery (now with both parents beside him). My mom said that apparently my great aunt and uncle made a large donation for that to happen, as it is well known that they don`t ever bury people who committed suicide in consecrated ground.
@MacFaniam24: I am not religious, FH is a Mormon. People are born the way they are.
@SoontobeMrsA: I want to like your post!
DH and I would not care whatsoever. My uncle is gay and my best friend is gay. Even before DH met me he didnt care. Our children will be ours and they will be born the way they are supposed to be born. We will love them, support them, accept them no matter whether they prefer one sex or the other (or no sex at all).
I would be completely okay with it, and I think that if it happened DH would be too. Like others have said, I have zero tolerance for people who disown their kids for any reason (except maybe if they turned out to be a serial killer and murdered their siblings or something... then I might understand). You make the decision to bring that child into the world and you are making the decision to love them unconditionally as well.
@SoontobeMrsA: Your daughters name is Annabelle? TOO cute.
@MacFaniam24: I am not religious at all, DH is a non-practicing Catholic.
My fiance and I would not disown our child if they told us this. But we would also not support their lifestyle either. I wouldn't go as far as to stop giving them money or never visit them or anything drastic like that. I'm still going to love my child no matter what he/she prefers sexually. However, we are both Christians and both believe that a gay/lesbian lifestyle is wrong. I understand that other Christians disagree and they're welcome to. I'm not really into debating it either way. Just know that we would still love our child even though we would most likely be saddened by their lifestyle.
We have tons of gay/lesbian friends who we have fun with. And we haven't stopped hanging out with them or scolding them because of their sexual preference. That's not our style!
Not an issue. My FI and I are very open minded, and we would not have a problem if a child of ours told us he/she were gay.
It's definitely a non-issue for us. We'll make sure our children know that we'll love them no matter who they are attracted to or what gender they identify with (:
Not an issue at all. It would be extremely offensive and hypocritical if we did not accept a child who is gay because FI's older brother is gay. His brother being gay is a non-issue, and if our children are then it will be a non-issue too.
We would be fine with it, love them no matter what. On the other hand, I have a gay brother and they just adoped a little boy (10) and he told me the other day that he doesnt want a gay child..he wants a straight child. I dont know if it is bc he knows how it is to grow up in a world that is mostly against gays or what...its just weird to think that..
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