(Closed) If your child told you they were gay…

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I have coworker who is devoutly jewish- and if his kids didn’t follow his religion- they would be dead to him- I can’t imagine what would happen if they were gay. It makes me sad because kids can’t choose their parents.

Post # 4
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am not religious nor is SO but homophobic people don’t have to be either. I know if we were to have a child who prefered members of the same-sex it would be a non-issue. I have gay/lesbian and bi-sexual friends, at the end of the day though they are just people to me and deserve the respect that ANYONE else deserves.

Sad story time:

My great-aunt and uncle, both lovely people but as God fearing Catholic as can be had 6 children (my second cousins). Their 6th’s child named B was an opps baby so he was the youngest in the whole family, even among my mom and aunts. Apparently he was just the star child and EVERYONE loved him. Secretly though he was gay. My mom and aunts said they knew but obviously didn’t tell the older crowd. They didn’t care anyways but knew the older crowd (except my grandfather) was religious. I guess he would bring up the gay issue in round about ways like “So what do you think of gay people” and of course his mother and father would be like being gay is a sin, and they will go to hell, blahblahblah.

So one Sunday in December, when his parents were at mass because he was the last one living at home, he took all the pictures that they had of him in the house and destroyed them. Everything. His yearbooks, family albums, EVERYTHING that he was in. Then he went down into the basement and as my great aunt and uncle were coming home, my great-uncle hear a gun shot. He ran downstairs and he was just there, shot-gun wound to the chest bleeding on the floor. They were devestated. My great-aunt was apparently never the same again, and everyone knows that they would of loved him anyways, gay or not but it was their attitude towards homosexual people that made him scared and do what he did. It really affects my family still. He was 22, by the way.

And I tell that story when anyone starts mouthing off about gay people in front of me, intolerance wounded my family in a way it will never heal. 

Post # 5
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d have a hard time maintaining friendships with people that did that as well. 

Post # 6
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MacFaniam24: My child is my child, nothing could ever cause me to love her less.

The only fear I’d have is other people making fun of her or damaging how she feels about herself. That would kill me.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sceeder:  What a sad story.  🙁  And unfortunately not a story that is too uncommon.  There is a way too high rate of suicide and suicide attempts amongst LGBTQI youth.  It’s really heart breaking.

And @MacFaniam24:  I don’t have children yet, though I can’t imagine ever rejecting them, ESPECIALLY about something that to me isn’t an issue.  If my future child tells me they have same sex attractions, I’d like to think that I would do all I could to support them in whatever way they felt was helpful.  

Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m a Christian and everyone knows how the bible speaks on homosexuality.  That being said, I’m already a mother to a 13, almost 14 year old daughter and I love my child UNCONDITIONALLY.  PERIOD.  She is a permanent chamber occupant in my heart.  So if she told me she was gay, she would be gay.  And to me, she would be gay at the END of a loonng list of other things….she’s an honor roll student, she plays trumpet, piano, and guitar.  She’s funny, she NEVER gives me a hard time, she’s a good kid.  A piece of me would “have a moment” bc of what the bible says but that would be between her and God.  And I would be sad for a sec thinking about grandchildren and such.  And how the WORLD might discriminate against her, but me myself, would have a wonderful awesome beautiful daughter who was gay.  Sorry so long. LOL.

Post # 9
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’ve always told myself, i want to have children when i’m ready to meet them, not when i’m ready to make them (both in the act of making them to begin with and making them as in making them who we want them to be). it breaks my heart to hear about people who have been told they are BAD or WRONG for being themselves. i want our kids to let their freak flag fly! (disclaimer before i get my head bit off by someone thinking i mean ‘gay people are freaks’, i just mean whatever part of them takes them away from the majority) whoever they are, they should own it! i want them to be the best THEM they can be, why should they be anything else?! we all have things that differ from the majority, it’s what makes people unique and special. 

would i have some concerns about how their peers may react to the fact that they were gay? sure i would, but i wouldn’t say it! i wish that wasn’t something anyone would have to consider, but there are a lot of hateful people in this world.

Post # 10
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Its sad to hear parents judging their children so harshly.  I have 2 boys and would love and support them just the same.  For me its about them being happy and finding someone that loves them. We are regular church goers and I have spoken to both of my boys about my disagreements with the church and why.

Post # 11
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s one of the questions I asked FI before we got serious. If he wasn’t completely okay with one of our children being gay, it would have been over with immediately. Lucky for me, he’s not homophobic at all. 

Indy actually has a center where teens can go for support if their parents kick them out for being gay :(. It’s so sad that someone would do that :(.

Post # 12
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I wouldn’t disown my child, they’d still be my child no matter what, but i’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t have a very hard time accepting it.  DH and i talked about it, he said he’d be more dissapointed if a son were gay rather than a daughter, i don’t really understand that, but to me either one would be equally hard to accept, i think.  but, of course, at the end of the day, that’s still my baby, i’d still love my child.

Post # 13
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@sceeder: That is a very sad story.  And I wrote my reply prior to reading it but it just HIGHTENS what I feel.  I looove my baby, when she’s 30 yrs old she’ll still be my baby.  And I would rather her be here and gay then gone. 

I comment on the LGBT posts on here just like I do the other brides who are planning or recapping their wedding.  It really is a “NON-ISSUE” for me.

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

FI and I are probably the least religious people on the planet but if our child told us they were gay, it wouldn’t change a thing. FI used to be kind of homophobic (most of his family is) but he’s gotten much better in the last few years since his business partner is gay.

It infuriates me when parents disown their children for their sexual preferences. In high school, 2 of my best friends were obviously gay yet had not come out. One of my friends parents (lets call him C) were very religious and lead what we refer to as a “cult” for a local church. They were never shy about their feelings for homosexuals even though their own son was one. 

After high school my other friend (lets call him J) moved away for college and finally came out that he was gay. It was certainly not a surprise to anyone except for C’s parents (C & J were best friends). C’s parents forbid J from ever stepping foot in their house. They would talk about how disgusted they were that J was gay infront of C who little did they know, was gay as well. 

C was living a miserable life. He so desperately wanted to come out but was terrified of being disowned by his parents. C eventually met a guy who he really liked. They dated secretly for a while and C decided that he had to come out to his parents. His parents refused to accept that their son was gay and they made him feel terrible for his choices. Eventually they came around and are “dealing” with it. 

His parents, and any like them, absolutely disgust me. When you have a child you vow to love them forever, regardless of the choices they make. C’s parents would have preferred he live a lie and be miserable for the rest of his life than be gay. Whenever I see C’s parents out in public, I refuse to so much as acknowledge their presence. Theres no room in my life for such closed minded, pathetic individuals. 

Post # 15
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have a friend who has remained “in the closet” to his parents for many years now because he is fearful of what they would think/do.  I think it’s sad and unfortunate that some people feel that they need to live this way. 

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I could/would never disown a child for being gay and I don’t believe my husband would either but his family is very conservative/old fashioned kind of thinking.  He has a cousin who is gay and unfortunatly, most of his family doesn’t speak to this cousin anymore.  This is the reason I’ve never even met this person. I guess they think he chooses to be gay which I don’t believe either.  It’s sad that people think that way.

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