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My hubby and I are going to get tested soon to see if we can both have kids together. We have to wait 12 months due to an insurance waiting period, so we decided while we wait we might as well see if we can even have children. I'm just thinking of the what ifs. Hubby mentioned adopting first, but if I was still able to have children I think I would want to. If hubby was super against it after talking more I would do what we both would agree on.
We never actually discussed this so this is my gut feelings.
If DH was sterile, I think I would want to try some kind of sperm injection/sperm donor before adoption. I know there are a ton of great kids who need homes and I'd have no problem with adoption if it came to that.
That said, I've always wanted to have biological children. If DH and I couldn't conceive together, a baby conceived using donor sperm would still have genes from me (just not DH). I'd at least want to try that as an option before adopting.
My situation is different b/c I already have a daughter and FI has two sons. I think we would just be happy with the kids that we have.
If neither of us had kids, I would probably go for the sperm injection before adoption.
We have talked about this. If we can't have our own natural children, including with help from a doctor, we'll adopt. My husband is very against me having a sperm donor, and frankly, I am just not comfortable with the idea of it being only my biological child. I'd rather us both be in the same position of being non-biological parents, versus just one of us.
Our problem is reversed. I'm the one that has a medical condition that will make conceiving a child hard, most likely impossible. We have talked about it and we will adopt. We are still going to have fun trying tho!!
We've talked about it before. For me, if my husband was sterile, I would want to adopt. For my husband, if I was unable to have biological children, he would want to try IVF or hire a surrogate. It's super important for my husband to have a biological child if at all possible; it's not nearly as big of an issue for me.
@ejs4y8: Ditto everything you said.
I really really really want biological children and would love to experience pregnancy, etc. But it would just make me uncomfortable if we weren't both in the same position as parents.
@Mrs SPring, oh i forgot about surrogacy. We're very open to that as an option.
Would absolutely adopt. I'm just a believer that if we can't do it naturally, it just isn't meant to be. I don't think either one of us feels like we must have biological children; although that would be the ideal situation.
We would be THRILLED to have biological children, however, if we can't do it naturally (through good ol sex ;) we would absolutely adopt.
I picked sperm injection. I would like the child to be biologically related to atleast one of us. I also don't think I would want to advertise to the child or anyone else that he is not a biological child of his father. (Unless there is a law dictating this somewhere.) I especially wouldn't discuss this with my family or friends either, for fear that they will 'casually' mention this to my child later on in life and all hell will break lose. Frankly, our fertility (or lack thereof it) is nobody else's business. Only the involved parties need to know anything. (Us, doctors, and possibly the child if s/he absolutely must.)
Ideally I'd like to adopt but the cost I think might be prohibitive. I don't love the idea of a sperm donor but if that was the only way... well... that'd be the way!
We would adopt. I would not want the child to be my biological child and not his. So, we would definitely adopt.
We've discussed this and have decided that we would adopt. I have the utmost respect for couples who go through treatments for infertility, but it's not something we would choose. So, in the case that we weren't able to get pregnant the old fashioned way, we would adopt.
We have discussed it. If we can't do it on our own, we will wait and travel and have a blast, and then adopt at a later age (40ish).
I am the child of a sperm donation (my father is sterile). It's not something we openly discuss even within the family, and 90% of our extended family and friends think that he is my biological father.
I would be open to sperm donation (if we can't have a bio child), but I would like information on the donor's family history. I don't have anything on my donor, and I wish I knew more about potential medical issues and my ethnicity.
DH prefers adoption.
I'm biased on the subject since I'm adopted myself. I would be absolutely comfortable with adopting if it came to that. In fact, for the longest time I said I would want to adopt only and not have biological children since there are TONS of deserving children out there who need a home. (But then I met FI and, well, you know how that goes....)
FI has said that he has no issues with adopting either (two of his siblings are), but personally I think we would try to do a few rounds of fertility treatments (whether it be clomid cycles, or IUI, or even IVF) before making a final decision. I draw the line at surrogacy or using donor materials though - at that point I'd rather adopt.
If he were sterile I would be so so so happy. I know that might sound strange to some but we have made the decision to adopt either way. I personally don’t have the strong instinct that most people have that they would really like to have their own children. Because of that feel like it would be irresponsible of me to bring children into the world when I know that I would love adopted children just the same. And those children already exists. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is perfectly great to have your own children I would never impose my decisions on someone else. I just feel like for me adoption is the choice. That being said – I would be so happy if he were sterile. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about getting pregnant all the time! 
I would pick adoption. If I dont have to go through labor then I would be happy.
even though I would want to have a biological child we would most likely adopt. I just know my hubs would regret not being able to get me pregnant - best to avoid it altogether :\
I feel like I would go with a sperm donor. I just have this very strong desire to have a biological child - I want to be pregnant and share my genes with my baby. I asked my SO once about what we would do hypothetically and even asked if he would be open to using his brother's sperm so he would have a closer genetic link, but he doesn't like to talk about stuff like that. I actually don't think he would want a donor. I mean, I would be open to adopting as well, but I won't lie that part of me would feel sad, knowing that I am capable of having a child biologically and unable to do so because of my husband's sterility.
I would definitely adopt if my husband was sterile. I couldn't imagine using another man's sperm for our child. Yes, it would still be our child regardless, but my husband would never have a kid that looked like him or had any other biological traits. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
Well. Like a PP said, I am the one with the fertility issues, though we haven't really had him "checked" yet because I've known about my fertility issues since before TTC. (We're not, yet.) We decided we'll try the "old fashioned way," and we will use hormone therapy (clomid, etc), but wouldn't be able to do sperm donation or IVF. I just feel like rather than spend the money to MAYBE get pregnant with IVF, I'd rather spend the money on adoption. My youngest sister (and both of my parents) are adopted. I think even if we CAN have a child biologically, we'll adopt one day anyway, and if we can't, it just speeds up that decision.
I have no problem with any way a couple chooses to have their children, I just know that I couldn't justify (to myself) spending thousands on treatments that aren't 100%, when adoption is pretty guaranteed as long as you qualify. Just my two cents! :)
I think I'd try a sperm donor before adopting and try to choose a donor with similar characteristics of his, but I don't know how he would feel about that. I would have no problem adopting if he didn't want to use a donor. I've always planned on raising a couple of my own kids and then having foster children in our family.
@peacegrl099: I really admire your decision!
We've discussed it and think we would adopt. If anything it's likely to be me that's the problem since I've had issues in general, and our thought was that we would adopt in that situation as well.
We are going to adopt and/or foster. That is something that I'm very passionate about and have been for a long time. However, there are now some concerns over my fertility. I may not even have biological children and I'm fine with that. Any child that we adopt will be our child.
We have talked about this, pretty early on in our relationship actually, and if we could not conceive naturally we would adopt. And happily. In addition to the child(ren) we hope to have biologically, we also plan on adopting, regardless of our fertility because there are so many children in the world that need love.
I think we might choose to not have children if that were the case. Adoption would also be considered, but not being able to have any control over the mother's actions during pregnancy is a big deal to me. While I really want biological children, I can definitely also see having a great, fulfilling life without them.
With so many children in the world needing a loving home, we would definitely adopt. If we couldn't have a bio-child naturally, I would think there was probably a good reason why and would pursue adoption.
For those of you voting in favor of getting a sperm donor, what if it were the other way around? What if your hubby had perfectly healthy sperm but you weren't fertile? Would you go with an egg donor?
I think I might go with adoption. My initial thought would be sperm donor because I have ALWAYS wanted to be pregnant and have my own child, but after thinking about the shoe on the other foot, I don't know if I could do it. I can imagine how heart-broken I would be if I ended up carrying a child that biologically belonged to my husband but not me. I know that it would be my child regardless and I would love him/her fully but it would be hard. I don't know if I would want to cause that feeling for my husband either if he were the one that had infertility issues. I don't know... it would be a really hard choice, but I have a feeling we would be going with adoption.
At first I thought, "hm, probably some go with some kind of donor," but on second thought- like Brianne2010 alluded to- what if it was the other way around? I would certainly want to adopt (if it was the other way around) and I would want him to want to adopt if that was the case. Therefore, I think we would adopt if it was him, because I would want to (and want him to-) if it was me :).
I would be open to fertility enhancing treaments, taking clomid or getting accupuncture or whatnot, but would draw the line at anything as invasive as IVF. I really dont' think either of us would be comfortable with a sperm donor.
If by sperm injection, you mean artificial insemination using my FI's sperm, I think we would try that as well.
Just my opinion, everyone has their own comfort.
If we found out DH was sterile I think we would do "other"- that being neither adopt or have a sperm donation and just be content withthe child that I already have from my first marraige. I think it changes things when you already have one child.
adopt. I would not feel right carrying a child that did not belong to DH. MAYBE if he had a brother or something so that the child was still closely related, but he only has a sister. I am definitely pro-adoption regardless. I have a strong desire to be a mother, not necessarily a desire to have my own biological children. As much as I would love to have a child that I could see some of me and DH in and go through pregnancy to feel the baby moving in me and everything, I know I could absolutely love a child just as much even if we weren't biologically related.
If we can't have kids biologically, I would do my best to accept that and move on. I have nothing against adoption, but I don't think it's for me.
Given the actual question raised, I would adopt over having a child being one of ours biologically. I agree with PP that it's best to be in the same situation as FH.
My fiance and I have discussed this and we'd adopt if either of us were infertile. If there were medical options besides IVF available to us (depending on the fertility issue) we might pursue those first. But if it didn't work, we'd adopt. I wouldn't want our child to be genetically related to only one of us.
I think that if it couldn't be "our" biological children, I wouldn't want them to just be "my" biological children. We'd adopt.
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