- 6 years ago
If so, what?
If so, what?
I’d be really upset about that. Name-calling is immature fighting, so I think that we’d have a bigger issue there. Disagreements/arguments happen, but you have to learn how to fight fairly in a relationship! As far as what the consequences would be, I don’t know. But I know I’d be very upset.
Aw! Me fiance and I had a fight recently and he called me useless. I just wrote a post on it too! I was PISSED! What was important to me to hear an apology and I eventually got it because we had to have a serious chat (that and he accidently read my OP, oooh the humiliation!). I hope this doesnt happen too often though!
I think it totally depends on consequences (difference between “you were being a b*tch to her, versus “you are a b*itch), but in general I believe with the first poster. Namecalling does NOT signify a mature relationship. But as for giving consequences resulting from a fight I also don’t know that that’s the right way to go. We all fight, and I feel like the right thing to do is discuss what upset you both and then do the best you can to let it go and move on – keeping in mind to NOT do those things again in the future.
If he called me a bitch he could expect to have a very horrible few weeks with no sex.
Fortunately Darling Husband is not a name caller, and we are lovers not fighters…
It would not go over well. I’d probably cry, and he’d have some serious apologizing to do. We don’t namecall, and we’ve had that talk already, so he would know what he did wrong.
Well, I agree that name calling is a general no-no in our fights. But also I was raised with very clean language and almost never cuss myself. I used to be really touchy about profanity for a long time, so if he actually directed that at ME, we’d have some serious issues.
It depends if he’s like “You’re a bitch” or “You’re being bitchy”….. the former would warrant my attention but the latter isnt a big deal, probably a heat of the moment thing…..Luckily, we havent gone there ever though….
I’d be heartbroken and would most definitely be hurt beyond words. Darling Husband and I don’t really argue and have never been name callers. We also don’t use profanity directed at each other and I guarantee it would be a knife to the heart if he ever called me anything along those lines. As for consequences, I think the fact that he hurt me so deeply would be a far worse consequence than anything I could impose. That and the fact that we are not punitive people and would be far more likely to talk it out than have him have to do something (or not get something) to make up for it. Fortunately, I don’t ever see this being an issue.
I voted No, but I’d be really upset if he called me a bitch. I only voted “No” because sometimes I have it coming. When we argue, Fiance is very, very bad at listening/talking and I get frustrated and have resorted to name calling (nothing terrible, just an angry “You’re being an asshole!” type thing). If he retorted that I was being a bitch, I would have had it coming.
Fortunately I calm down really quickly/apologize fast, and he’s sensible enough to not stoop to my argumentative level. And yes, I am working on my name calling. I think it’s left over from having younger siblings – it’s my automatic “it’s not fair!” defense, haha.
t know what consequences I could give him as we are both adults. For me personally not how I choose to argue and I doubt I would marry someone if our arguements reached that level as I dont think its contrustive. I know some couples who go at it with the screaming and name calling and I honestly don`t know how they forgive each other and move on without hurt feelings.
I would be extremely upset but I agree it depends on how it was worded. It would also be upsetting because it would be shocking, though. Fiance doesn’t really do the whole name-calling thing so I feel like it would signal some bigger thing going on which would mean we would need to talk and figure out what it was. Otherwise, I would probably just give him the cold shoulder until he apologized/I got over it.
Darling Husband used to. His anger used to be a really big issue. We’ve had so many talks about “how to fight.” He hasn’t called me names in about two years. So, the “consequence” was that he had to hear about it later, I guess. There are just certain things that aren’t okay to say to the person you love because regardless of the fight, s/he’s still your significant other who you care so much about. I think it sucks that it’s so true that person you love most is also the one who can hurt you the most and who you likely hurt the most, as well. Damn those easy to press buttons!
@Ree723: This describes me and my Fiance as well. I would be shocked, because I can’t imagine him ever even raising his voice at me, let alone calling me a name. He’s a perfect gentleman and we just don’t do that with each other, any arguments are fairly calm and rational, and it works for us. We save our “heatedness” for the bedroom, lol . . .
My Fiance and I had issues with this from both sides in our younger days. It was a big part of why things progressively got worse. It was like once that door was opened it paved the way for bigger things to go on and for it to be “ok”. Even though clearly it wasnt. So when we got back together last year after a few years apart, I made it clear from day one that name calling in any form is a form of verbal abuse to me and I have a zero tolerance policy on it. Sounds extreme. But with a history like ours I cannot let things fall like they did before. We both put up with too much and those boundaries and respect were lost between us. I do not want that again. I don’t know if its that we are older or maybe its that we both have much higher standards for hwo we are treated in general, or maybe its that we finally both value what we have the way we always should have, I like to think its a combination of all of those things. But this just does not go on with us. It cant. Abuse is abuse in my mind, yes there are varying degrees of it but none of it is acceptable. So in answer to the question, the consequences would be that we are done. He slipped once in the very beginning when we first got back together and that is what prompted our talk about this kind of stuff. So even before he says it he would know what was going to happen if he let it come out of his mouth. I believe as intelligent adults there are ways to properly express your anger or frustration without resorting to name calling.