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So, I love the Bee, but have to admit that I'm not yet engaged. I'm in a pretty serious relationship, but we are young (23) and both just finished school within the past 1-2 years. We have both lived with roommates (fortunately for us, good ones!) the entire time we have been dating. Mr. Calc recently moved home to save some money, but I am locked into my lease until June 2010. In June 2010, my roommate will be moving out and moving in with her FH (wedding 06/26/2010).
My predicament is this: Should I move to a smaller place by myself/find another roommate, or move in with the (future) Mr.? While I am 99.9% sure he is the one (and he feels the same way) we would like to date for a while longer before getting engaged.
I always thought that I wouldn't move in with someone before we were engaged (or married,) but not for religious reasons or because my family would oppose (at least I think they wouldn't.) For me, the proposal and engagement just wouldn't have the same excitement and luster if we were already sharing bills, chores, and living space. In my mind, if we are going to move in together, why not just get engaged? Well, I'll tell you why not - because we're not ready!
I know countless couples who live together and wait many months or years to get engaged. For some reason, I just don't get it. Obviously, many couples cite financial reasons for waiting to get engaged/married. But other than those, how could you move in together but not get engaged?
So hive, here is my question to you: how did you know you were ready to live together, but not ready to get engaged?
My fiance and I have been together 3.5 years, lived together for 2.5, and have been engaged for six months.
We had to move in together because - well, I didn't have another option. He lived with his mom, and my roommates were moving out of state. I couldn't afford and didn't want to live alone. We had discussed it in passing, of course, but one day, my fiance and I walked into the living room, my roommates told me they were moving, and I said, "That's ok, we'll just move in together," without even asking him first. :)
But it worked out well. We get along well, we're constantly suprised we don't drive each other crazy, and we're still incredibly excited and super happy to be getting married next year. To us, the wedding is about sharing this moment and sharing our love with our close friends and family, and less about sharing it between us - we know we're going to be together forever, marriage or no. We didn't want to get married until we were much more financially stable (and he had finished a bit more college), so 2010 seemed like a logical decision for us. When we moved in together, there was no discussion of getting married anytime soon.
On the other hand - my stepsister and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, live together, just bought a house together, and are not engaged (though she desperately wants to be).
Yep, we moved in together out of convenience. We hadn't been dating a very long time at all so we were definitely not ready to be engaged. (But now that we are, it's like we're already married! Ah, modern love...)
Moving into together shouldn't be based on whether you are engaged or not. I moved in with my (now) FI because we were in love. I hated leaving him at the end of the night and going to sleep alone. I didn't want to talk over the phone as much as I wanted to talk to him in person. I didn't want to have to wait to see him until we were both done with work, dinner, the gym, etc etc.
Sharing bills, chores and other stuff didn't take away from how much I enjoyed being with him and it definitely didn't take away from my excitement when he finally did propose. Trust me - no matter what you think or how you think you'll feel, when you see him on one knee ALL coolness and calmness goes right out the door and you are nothing but giddy and excited - no matter what your situation is.
Moving in together has it's benefits too. The only way to really know if you can stand every little thing about each other and whether you can be together forever is to learn everything about him. What better way than to live together.
We wanted to move in togethor after 2 months of dating because we wanted privacy, more time togethor and wanted to come home to each other every night. While I understand your wishes and respect them, we have have lived togethor over 2 years and our engagment and proposal was full of excitement and luster. We went to get our marriage license yesterday and we were like 2 giddy teenagers! Moving in togethor helped us get through those times of getting used to each other and learning each others finances and personal space. I have always been on my own and I lived with a boyfriend previous and let me tell you, I am sorry but some guys do change and change thier behavior once you move in and I am glad I did that early on because it made me see my ex in a different light. I am also someone that is the exact opposite of my FI with cleanliness and tidyness and we have worked togethor on this and have a wonderful communication effort on the chores. I think I rather have my first year of marriage just being with my man and already knowing the petty stuff and not having those silly arguments that we did in the beginning nor having the financial issues come up. Everyone has their own opionions but just because you live togethor first does not mean you are automatically engaged nor does it take away anything from your future engagement and wedding. I personally think it adds more. :) Good luck!
We might not be a good example, because we were already housemates when we started dating. We were living with some other friends and our lease was up, so we decided to get our own place. We got our own place in Sept 06, got engaged in April 08 and got married a month ago.
When we moved in together, neither of us was ready to get engaged/married for several reasons. One was simply money--we knew that we'd be paying for the wedding ourselves and we just didn't have anything saved up yet. Also, I know that although he wouldn't admit it, I think it took my husband a little while to pay for my engagement ring. Also, even though we knew each other well, I really wanted to see how things were living together before we decided to get married. That's not to say that I didn't think we were heading down that road, I wouldn't have moved in with him if I didn't think we would get married eventually. I really wanted to make sure that we were able to get a lot of the day-to-day stuff sorted out before we got married. Everyone is different, but for me, I wanted to know that we could really handle all that stuff--and still love each other--before we walked down the aisle.
FWIW, from experience, even though we had lived together for all that time, the proposal, engagement, wedding and marriage have all been exciting, special and different. You assume that nothing is going to change, because you're already together, but I think it definitely does...for the better.
We moved in together out of convenience for the most part, and we just felt like it was a step we both really wanted to take before getting engaged. It was important to me to know how we'd each handle the day to day stuff before making any major decisions, though we had talked about marriage a LOT and knew we both were heading in that direction. I just like to take some time to soak things in and we really did not want the additional pressure of wedding decisions/planning when we were trying to get used to living with each other for the first time.
I moved in with my BF before getting engaged because we new we wanted to take that next step toegther. We were together for three years at the time and, to us, the next step was moving in- not getting engaged. We both knew that we wanted to get married and that moving in would lead to that but we didnt feel the need to rush it all at once. If we are going to spend the rest of our lives together than why not spread things out a bit? I am indifferent either way... looking back I am really glad we waited, not because he was different once we moved in together but now I feel so much closer to him and we understand each other much more.
We moved in before being engaged because we wanted to, plain and simple.
We moved in together after dating for 6 years (4 of which were long distance.) He proposed a year after moving in together (year 7) and we are getting married after 8 (this fall). We moved in together without being engaged for a number of reasons. We knew we would get engaged shortly thereafter and would marry. He was finishing medical school and did not have the means to propose but we did not want to hold up starting the rest of our lives together any longer. We also spent pretty much all of our time during evenings together and he essentially stopped living at his apartment about six months before he moved in. So, it just seemed right and made sense.
And I should mention that the proposal was still very exciting and special and was something totally new and different to be excited about.
Well we started living together soon after we got together. We just knew we belong together. We were both still in college and it was easier for us to stay together than live apart.
Plus we both thought that living together is a great way to really get to know eachother on another level and see if we could handle all of our moods, things you nessesaraly don't find out unless you spend a great deal of time together.
We just got engaged after over 3 years. He had to save up money, and get over his bachelorhood. He has a real job and has grown up. I graduated college and looking for a job in between graduate school.
I was ready long before he admitted he was. So i guess the answer is we loved eachother, wanted to be together, wanted to find out who eachother really were, and save up- that is why we lived together before the engagement!
Good luck with everything!
P.S. we still are excited about living together and planning our marrage, so for us the excitement factor is not lost!
(sorry it is long and I can't spell!)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under a year and a half, and are moving in together on July 1st (just a couple weeks away!), and we are beyond thrilled about it. We got very serious very quickly when we started dating, so although we talked about getting a place together maybe 4 or 5 months into our relationship, the timing wasn't right. Both of our leases were up for renewal and although we were 99% sure that we wanted to live together, we agreed that a few more months of dating was ideal. We knew that "a few more months" of dating time, due to requisite year-long leases, really meant over a year of waiting, but we wanted to wait, rather than jump into it too early and regret it.
That's also how we feel about getting engaged. We talk about marriage, family, and "our [future] wedding" on a constant (read: near daily) basis, but we prefer to take things a step at a time. We'll move in together in two weeks, and when the time is right, we'll get engaged. By waiting to move in together, I expect our transition to living together to be easy because I've nearly lived at his place since January (when we were very, very ready to live together!).
My boyfriend is certainly the one to remind me that we need to "pace ourselves," and I'm glad he does. I push us to move forward, and he reigns us in to a reasonable pace. So, will moving in take away some of the excitement when he (someday) proposes? I don't think so at all! We'll just be that much closer and more sure of how well we work as a couple. I think we'll just be *that* much more ready to get engaged!
I was ready to be engaged when I moved in, and ideally that's how it would have played out, but either my hubby wasn't quite ready, or he didn't feel he had the money for getting married yet. I always imagined I'd be married before I moved in with my SO, but life took me to another path (as it often does for me lol) I moved in though because we were in a long distance relationship for 4 years and I was really getting stressed out with my home life and being away from each other, and he wasn't happy either. We both knew we were the ones for each other though. We didn't decide right away that I would move in, it took us a few months to be sure we were making the right decision, and I definitely don't regret it! We ended up getting engaged 5 months after I moved in. I do admit though, being married feels mostly the same as living together. Not completely, and I still totally love saying "my husband" instead of boyfriend, but coming back from the honeymoon back to our apartment to our bedroom that we've all ready established definitely wasn't new and exciting and climactic lol But, the proposal and the wedding day, everything was still exciting. I had no idea that my husband was planning the proposal even, 100% complete surprise, even though we live in the same place. In all honesty, we probably couldn't even have afforded to have the wedding if we weren't living together! I just don't see how we would have had the money!
What about moving in but not sharing a room until you get married? Then you'd still have your own space, but only paying one rent, then after the wedding you could still combine things
Just take some time to decide so you don't later say "I wish I would have done this differently." Do what truely feels right to you, which isn't always the thing that's most logical (I gave up a full tuition scholarship to be with hubby). You'll make the right choice though, if you just do what you feel is right.
My FI and I knew we were ready to move in together only four months after we started dating. We knew we were "it" for each other; however, we weren't ready to get engaged just yet. Yeah, I agree, it doesn't make sense. I hate when people say we were just "playing house" because that was not the case at all. We moved in together two months ago (after dating for 7 1/2 months) and it was just the natural thing to do. By then we had already been to a jewlers to look at rings and I knew he wanted to have something made for me and it would take a bit---so engagement was on the horizon. It ended up taking three months from the time we went to the jewelers to the day he proposed (this past Sunday!). All this time though we have just felt already engaged. We were committed to each other completely, even before we were living together. I guess when you know it's the right time you just know. Now it's just officially on display that I will be a Mrs. :D
Oh, I forgot to tell you, even though I knew a ring was coming -- eventually -- when he asked me I was still surprised and elated beyond belief! There were tears everywhere and smiles galore!
I am going to offend some people I am sure, but I think moving in together is a terrible thing to do out of convenience. I think it should be a very deliberate choice made irregardless that it is "cheaper" or you are out of a lease.
I refused to live with Mr Mini until we were engaged (even when his parents were pushing big time because they wanted to sell the property he was renting from them). I think you should stick with it because I agree that the engagement doesn't have the same excitement if you are already "practically married". I think living together does take away from the engagement.
I am moving in with Mr Mini now that we are engaged and prior to the wedding because we are in a position to buy a house, and we have been living 3 hours apart since he moved away for his new (better) job.
Perhaps I am playing Devil's Advocate - but I had lived with roomates in college, and three sisters growing up as well as with an ex boyfriend. However, during my first year or law school I decided to live alone & experience having my own place for a while because we sort of knew we were headed in the serious direction & perhaps dating and having our own places was a nice idea ( although I was 300 miles away) it was still my own place and we had an experience of distance and being normal once i moved back home ( I moved back with my parents) then after we got engaged I moved in this January - experience living by yourself...I personally think it's a big investment moving in together - you have to be emotionally ready for it & at least for me if there's isnt serious commitment in the future - it can be a hard pill for some people to swallow. I keep myself busy with law school - but some of us might have time to play wifey when you live with your boyfriend- but how weird might it feel when you do actually become wifey & havent been doing it all along.
Moving in together is awesome - but make sure you guys are on the same page - dont rush & make sure you experience "your" life before making it "our" life.
My FI and I were in a similar situation to yours. We started dating when I was 21 and he was 23 (we're 26 and 28 now) and knew we were serious, but getting engaged wasn't even on the horizon when we were faced with a similar housing situation. We ended up moving in together, and we lived together for about 2.5 years before getting engaged.
I'm so glad we did. I completely understand wanting to feel the new-ness and excitement of being engaged/married and moving in together at the same time, but what overrode that for me was wanting to make sure we were really compatible in every way before taking the plunge. I've had friends who I adore hanging out with, think they're great people, etc, but when I tried to live with them, we wanted to kill each other. Can you imagine if you got married without realizing that you and your man were completely incompatible roomies? (btw, I realize that not everyone feels this way, and many people are not ok with moving in together before marriage. This was just us.)
For us, living together just cemented what we already knew--that not only did we love each other, we could really build a life together happily, and this made it even more exciting when we finally did get engaged. (And I agree with the other girls--being engaged feels different and very exciting, even when you live together!!)
If you're still worried, I'd wait a bit. June 2010 is still a ways away, and you might feel differently by then. And if you want to move in together when it happens, maybe think about getting a temporary place--like just a year lease or something--so that when you do actually get married you can move into your dream place and start over together with all the excitement that comes with that? Just a thought!
Timing is everything. You know you're not ready to be engaged, so wait a while. I am having trouble understanding what you mean by "how could you move in together but not get engaged?" You just do! There are many reasons why people move in together (financial, convenience-sake, to get to know the other person better). I don't think you should equate moving in together with being engaged. I know many couples who have lived together, only to realize they're not right for each other... obviously they break up (whether on good terms or bad terms). It's all a learning experience and a lot of people these days see moving in together as just another step in their relationship. Relationships can end at any step along the way.
We moved in together at 2 years. We wanted to see how we worked out living together. But, we also knew it was for a summer. I "needed to know" before he put a ring on my finger and before I got ready to deal with his deployment. I needed to know I enjoyed living with him before embarking on a 3 year long distance relationship.
I don't think there is anything wrong with moving in together without an engagement as long as you talk about it! Evaluate at 6 months or a year, etc. If you're not ready for the ring, you're not ready so don't force yourself.
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We got an apartment together after being together 2 years. Most of the first year was long distance, and then the second year we lived 3 blocks away from each other, which ended up being really, really annoying near the end after we already knew we were moving in together and waiting for our leases to end! We had fights like, once a day, about where we'd be sleeping, so it was basically like we were living together but paying 2 rents. Plus, he had a roommate, so that created other issues!
Both of us saw living together before getting engaged and married as the natural progression of our relationship, and really, most of our friends and family did it the same way, so it's what we expected. My parents lived together before they were married, though secretly (the stories about how they kept it a secret are pretty hilarious). They've been married 38 years now, and their relationship has always been a really influential model for me. My brother and SIL lived together about 5 years before getting engaged too, so it's just what seemed normal. But, I think it's also really important for building the kind of relationship necessary for a true partnership--you really get to know the person in a much deeper way. We've lived together for the past year but we aren't engaged yet.
Honestly it's been weirding me out that I've even started seriously thinking about getting married and getting impatient--I always expected that I'd live with the man I eventually marry first, and that there isn't any reason to rush it. But, now that we're here, I feel like, why wait? I can't wait to celebrate our love for each other and joining our families! But, I don't think I would have felt ready to marry until we lived together and saw each other at even our worst day in and day out
I want to say that living together does NOT take away from the engagement. That's like saying the brides-to-be who live with their fiances are missing out on some kind of experience because they didn't wait! Pshaw.
The people who don't live together before they get engaged are not "more" excited than people who live together first. You're STILL getting married and you're STILL engaged. It's ALL exciting! To each their own, I just think that's not true at all. It's like saying your relationship is better/more exciting because you waited for this, that, the other, you dated longer, shorter etc.
Marriage can't always be a "new" experience, anyways. For example, does planning to get pregnant take away from the excitement of becoming pregnant, even when it was expected? or vice versa??? NOOoooooooo.
I agree with Ms Mini: I think that moving in together should be something you do because your relationship is ready for it, not for financial reasons or reasons of convenience. And furthermore, I believe that usually if your relationship is ready for you to move in together, then your relationship is ready for engagement---maybe it will be a long engagement if you are very young, but engagement nonetheless.
This board gives a biased look at the value of living together, because nearly everyone on here is engaged or going to be engaged, and lots of us lived together before engagement or before marriage. We are the success stories, but I don't think it makes moving in together without a public commitment to eventually marry any less inherently dangerous.
Because for every person who moves in out of convenience, there is another who gets married out of convenience rather than break up. This phenomenon is part of why I think the divorce rate is so high in this country. You will be in the best place to know if your relationship is ready for engagement/marriage if you have your own space (however nominal---even if you spend all your time at your boyfriend's). Leases and moving are major aggravations---having your own place will allow you to make the best decision for you emotionally, without worrying about what you will do with all your stuff if that .01% chance comes to pass.
Good question, Miss Calculator. There are a lot of opinions on the moving in/ engagement/ wedding question. Really, it comes down to what people feel like is best for their relationship. It sounds very sensible for you and your boyfriend to want to wait to marry since you are young.
I know some couples that have lived together for YEARS and are not married or talking about getting married because they simply like where they're at. Also, some of them are a big afraid of marriage because their parents divorced, which is very understandable. Others may decide to marry for legal/ financial reasons or because they decide to start a family. I also know people who are married with kids who love to have roommates because they love having a community feel in the home and it helps keep things in perspective.
I have lived with several boyfriends in the past and all those situations ended in UTTER DISTASTER breakups. Like putting his stuff on the side of the road kind of thing. Changing locks kind of thing. Drama. Yuck! I decided the last time this happened (3 times a charm, apparently) that I didn't want to go through it again, for it is a big deal to cohabitate. Based on my personal experiences and fears, I told my boyfriend who wanted to move in that I didn't want to unless we were engaged. It was a big debate for us for months and once I actually got to the point in which I asked if we could move in together, because i missed seeing him and was tired of trucking back and forth, he asked me to marry him! So now we live together. IT is what works for us, now, but even if I had met him years ago I'm sure it would have turned out differently and I bet we would have moved in sooner and way before any talk of engagement.
Moving in without an engagement seems like a very natural progression nowadays. If it feels right, go for it and just talk about what it means to your relationship and keep communicating about it.
Good luck!
Here is the way I thought of things when I was faced with a similar situation. Every step I took with my then boyfriend/now husband was the beginning of something new, but the end of something else, and I needed to be equally happy about what I was leaving behind as what I was receiving in return. If you think you're with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you owe it to yourselves to make decisions about your relationship that support it's potential for longevity. Figure out what feels like the right next step in a lifelong partnership rather than what feels right for a "boyfriend" versus a "fiance" relationship. These labels can sometimes make people undervalue the fact that at the end of the day, it's the same two people sharing a life before and after the ring.
In my experience, I didn't know if I ever wanted to get married. I bought a condo with my then boyfriend now husband, we had declared our intentions to be together for life privately, and for some time that was sufficient. Living together helped me develop in my understanding of what marriage means to me, and how it's different from living together, and how it could change a relationship to get married rather than live together.
I couldn't have cared less about how exciting the engagement considering the richness of the relationship that resulted from this journey.
THANK YOU ejs4y8 for your last response! I get a little disturbed when I read, playing house does take away from the excitement of the engagement or proposal. May I ask, how would you know? The engagement period is extremely exciting NO MATTER what your living situation is and preparing for the wedding and marriage gets even better. My friends will even tell you there was this certain blissful cloud over my FI and I after we got engaged, but I guess they were wrong since we lived togethor but what would I know. Living togethor prior to marriage is not playing house but I think investing in your future as a couple. With the divorce rate what it is and some of the reasons people are divorcing, wouldnt you want to get to the know the person even better prior to marriage?
FYI--ejs4y8, hope your wedding is wonderful this weekend! Good luck!
Bear--I thought the same thing as you when I read someone's comment that they didn't live with their fiance yet but they knew that if they had been living together upon getting engaged, it would have taken away from the engagement. Sometimes it's easy to forget to speak from your own experience when you feel strongly about something I guess.
Yeah, it bristled my feathers a little, although at least she acknowledged it would. You don't see me running around here touting how a long distance relationship makes engagements "better" 
or how dating a military man makes things "hotter" LOL....i'm being silly. Moving on.
Thanks, Bear! I have to admit I'm on WEddingbee all day to distract my buzzing mind from what I have to do!!!!
Wow, I didn't think I'd get so many responses so quickly! You all have certainly given me a lot to think about. I'd love to hear from some more hive members who didn't live together before they were engaged. If you're out there, please give me your 2 cents! :)
We lived together for a little bit and are now long distance b/c of the military, including a 15 month deployment, does that count?
I can play both sides of the fence. We won't even be living together after we're married, though...
It's still wonderful! There are lots of women who will advise you not to move in together without a ring though. It's what YOU are most comfortable with. Weigh the pros and cons with your SO.
We moved in together because we wanted to take that next step in our relationship. It wasn't out of convenience (it wasn't convenient at all because my lease in my apartment with my friend/roommate was not up and I had to pay rent until she found a roommate--he paid rent on our apartment by himself). I had always thought that I would live with my significant other before getting married because I personally think you learn a lot about a person when you live together. We were both pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to live together and that definitely took our relationship to another level. My dad always says "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" and kept saying that about us moving in together and I said, "You wouldn't test drive a car without taking it for a ride first, right?" Before we moved in together we were not sure about marriage (as we were both raised in single-mom households) but shacking up helped us to really see each other as husband and wife material.
I can only speak from my own experience. For us, we moved in together because we were young and we knew we wouldn't be getting married for a while. We were 21 and 20 when we moved in to our first house, and we knew it would be at least another 2-3 years before we got married. The same way it doesn't make sense for some people to move in before getting engaged is exactly how it didn't make sense for us to have a really enagagement before getting married.
I do agree with others who say it's kind of a big assumption to say that living together would ruin the specialness of the engagement/wedding. It might have ruined it for some people, but just as many people have responded oppositely. I thought getting married wouldn't be a change, either, because we were already "practically married" before the wedding. But I was wrong... Everything got better! So it is the relationship that creates that incredible newlywed feeling, not the decision to live together before the engagement, before the wedding, or not until after the ceremony.
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Hmm, interesting question. I moved in with Boyfriend after eight months of dating for a variety of reasons. First and definatley foremost, because I love being around him. We both knew we were thinking this might lead to a trip down the aisle (sp?) and he mentioned early in the relationship that he wanted to live together before getting engaged.
I might have moved in a bit earlier than I thought I would have, but it was mostly motivated by my parents moving (I'd been living at home). Also, I was already spending 13 out of 14 nights a week at his condo. It was getting annoying to basically live out of my car (shoes! clothes! makeup! hair equipment!). I'd lived by myself for two years during grad school, and while I loved it I can't afford to live by myself on my current salary. And I didn't want to pay rent at a place I'd never be at. But I would definenatley reccomend living by yourself (if you can swing it) before co-habitating. It gives you a chance to figure yourself out, which I think is so important.
Its funny though, while I'm sure I'll be excited to get engaged and get married, I mostly feel really secure knowning that this is where I'm meant to be. I already sometimes think of him as my husband (Mrs. Cheese mentioned this as when you know you're ready to get married in a post recently). And I think thats a lovely thing :)
We lived together for a few years before getting engaged, but that being said, tread carefully. I never had a problem with the idea of living together first, but it sounds like you do/did. It's okay to reevaluate that now (maybe you didn't think you'd meet "the One" so young), but don't dismiss it. It's a very personal choice...and many of my friends who are definitely not "old fashioned" would never have dreamed of moving in together without being engaged. You have to do what feels right for you. Sooner or later you will live together, and in the beginning that can be very, very hard. Negotiating little things like housework etc is challenging. It might be easier to do that with a firm commitment (can't say b/c we didn't have one). It's not end of the world challenging, but everyone is different. It's also a lot of fun to live with your SO...but only you can decide what's worth it. Listen to yourself. And maybe live alone for a while and revisit the decision. If you're not sure you're ready, then don't. Even if you change your mind after 1 month, the most you have to lose is your deposit.
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I'm one of the women who doesn't live with her SO. We talked about it once, but decided it would be better for us to wait until we are married. Although, he has loved with a SO before, I haven't. (Oh, I'm 28 and he is 31)
I also recommend living alone at one point in your life.
By the way, living alone has been terribly enlightening for me, after having lived with 46 women in college and then my roommate. Ok, by living alone i mean my two cats.
I can run around in my undies!!!!!!!!!!! (ok but seriously....it's nice!)
ejs- When we thought about moving in together, that was one of the things I thought about missing, although my SO would enjoy it!!LMAO
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Now let me clarify my statement about getting engaged after living together lessening the excitement. I work with a girl who got engaged within a week of me. Everyone was super excited for me, squealing, jumping up and down etc. When she announced her engagement there wasn't the squealing and jumping up and down, there were congratulations, and she was sad (and admitted to me) she was jealous of the different reactions ... the only real difference between us is that me and Troy don't live together and her and her fiance have lived together since she started at work 2 years ago.
So maybe if you won't be effected by the excitement (or lack thereof) of other people it won't have an impact.
I didn't live with my fiance before we got engaged... and I still don't live with him (for a little while longer). And you know what I've found? It's just annoying not living with him, and it has been annoying for a long time already (even before the proposal). We spend more on gas, we spend more on groceries, and we always have to pack stuff up to spend time with each other.
If you want to live together, live together. If you want to get engaged, get engaged. I don't think the two need to have any connection to one another. Do each one when you're ready, and you can't go wrong.
Wow, Ms. Mini. I bet there were other factors involved, not just them living together for 2 years.
I have friends living with their now-FI's and I can tell you first hand they didn't get any less of a reaction than anybody else I know! Boy that really sucks and I can see what made you say that now but I definitely think that's an unusual circumstance though!
Miss Calc, I would also like to add that you have a year before this change needs to take affect--A LOT can change over the course of a year, especially in the first few years of being in a serious relationship. If you're thinking about this now, I'm sure you'll have some clarity by the time you actually have to make the decision.
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