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how do you respond to everyone asking this question? I've been married about 6 weeks and I can't even count the number of times people have asked me "so, when are you going to have kids?" We would like to have children at some point, but our short-term plan does not include them. I'm student teaching in a few months and frankly, we can't afford having a baby anytime in the near future. I don't feel like I have to justify our choices to everyone (ILs, coworkers, perfect strangers!), but I do get the question quite a lot.
If you're waiting to have kids and people ask you, do you explain all the reasons?
We are lucky, people haven't really brought it up yet! My FMIL asked Mr. T about it on father's day, but that's about it. I should start thinking up something for when people start to ask though...
My parents are already bugging us about it...and we're not even married yet! I really haven't thought about how to handle it with other people. I usually just tell people that our goal is for me to be pregnant by the time I'm 30. I'm 26 right now and am a working professional so that usually seems to make sense to people.
I would probably say "As soon as people stop asking us about it" and hope that shuts them up. I'm not married yet but have been told to expect this question. I know people usually aren't intentionally being rude, they are probably just trying to make conversation and it does seem like an obvious question for newlyweds, but I still can't imagine what makes them think my uterus or childbearing plans are any of their business.
Ugh, we went to a work barbeque a couple weekends ago and heard this question 7 times!!! I just told everyone it's illegal for people our age to have children. We're only 24; stop with the questions already!
I explain, but most people don't really ask us about it. They have, but I just say we want to wait until I finish school and want some time to be selfish together (maybe do some traveling and stuff). Since most people who have asked us have kids of their own, they totally understand. My sister is actually the one being annoying about it, but I think she thinks she's being funny. We're also both really young and have plenty of time. My family has two little kids running around yet (both 2. they were my flower girls) so i don't think they're dying for babies yet.
I say "Could I have a puppy first?" LOL They just stare and blink.
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We're not married yet but I have had people ask me when we think we'll have kids, even FMIL, who knows our plans. I tell people we already have kids, our furry kids, and that's enough for now. Then I tell them more seriously that I want to go to Graduate school and have some selfish time together before we start our family. Mr.Tal and I think that we'd like to go to Europe before we have kids, that might be an answer as well.
People ask all the time, but it doesn't really bother me. We aren't planning on having kids until I'm pushing the limits of old age infertility ;). Kids just aren't in our current plan right now, but I don't consider it a touchy subject, so I'm usually pretty open about just saying we're not ready and I'd like to focus on work for a few years. Plus we love our condo (and uh... cant move in this economy anyway) and since it's 1 bedroom, we don't really have room for a kid. The subject will def. get more touchy if one of us starts wanting to have a kid and one doesnt, but for now we're in the same boat, so I don't mind fielding the questions!
I haven't decided how to respond to that question yet- I need to decide, or else I'll probably respond in a shocking manner! SO and I do NOT want kids, EVER, and have made this abundantly clear to everyone we know. If I hear the question, it will be one of those *cocks head to side, eyes wide, cracks knuckles, unhinged jaws, leaps forward* deals hah
I read in a magazine the best response to this type of question: "Well, we want to try out all the different ways you can make a baby first, and that's going to take a while!" Haha
i would like to start trying soon after we get married since i have been told i will have trouble concieving. my FI wants to wait till he finishes grad school...or in 3 years or so.
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Just tell them that you guys would like to have children in the future but right now you just want to enjoy the time you 2 have together. That is what I tell people when they ask me and my fiance and we aren't married yet! I know that some people pressure newlyweds and that is so wrong...children are great but a lot of work. I don't have any, and to be honest don't think my fiance and I will have children for at least 8-10 years. There are so many things we want to do before having children. But don't worry about what other people think...this is your decision and no one else really should have an opinion on it :)
My FI and I don't really like or want to have kids, but we get asked about it a lot. When my mother asks, I just ignore it. When nosy, pushy people ask about it, I just say "Oh, we hate kids." They usually seem to get upset and offended, and will walk away. I don't mind doing that because I think they're being rude by constantly asking and pushing.
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My FI and I get comments like this too. Jeeze, what is it with people? Can't we just get married? I love Ms.Editor's response, lol!
We're not even sure at this point if we want kids, ever. Right now they're not part of our immediate future plans. Usually we tell people we're trying to get our priorities in order. House, Wedding, Financial Security, and then we'll re-examine the children scenario. Usually that gets a nod of understanding from the more rational ones.
Miss Manners (my role model!) would suggest just being vague, like, oh, well, we'll see. Or you could turn the question back on them, like, Why do you need to know?
We are not married just yet, but we have been asked this. LOL It was by the assistant pastors wife. . . .and shes like do you plan on having children? And i was like "well we're going to go on the honeymoon and see what happens. . . we arent going to do anything to prevent it" LOL it was SO awkward. We are young so i really dont want/cant afford a baby right away but it will probably be sooner than later due to health complications i have.
well, actually only few people have asked us when are we going to have babies, but we're not bothered by it. We just answer the truth, that we'll like to wait two or three years to actually be trying to conceive!
I'm taking my dad's advice: "WIDGAR. When I'm Damn Good And Ready."
We aren't living together yet, won't be until after the wedding. I usually just say we are planning on waiting about 5 years after we get married. We want to enjoy some time together , just the two of us before we bring anyone else into the picture. We're young! I'lll be 22, he'll be 25 when we get married, so it just makes sense to us to enjoy some time alone, maybe some traveling.
ZoeKat - I love your response and I'm using that from now on.
I usually tell people I like my sleep too much to have kids.
:)
I dont understand why people think that you have to have kids right away. I mean if you do thats great but if you dont whats so wrong with having a few years to yourselves as a married couple, travel, relax, etc. Because everyone knows that after kids come its more difficult to just relax...it can be done but its hard to do when a baby is crying. And traveling is hard when you have a kid to put through school and life! How about we will have kids when you see them following us from behind! Or its none of your business...
We don't want kids ever and it's so funny when people who don't know this about us tell us we'll change our minds when we're older. I'm 30 and have never had a desire to have kids, I enjoy kids when they belong to somebody else but never have wanted to have one of my own but I love how they seem to know me better then I do!
I have various comments that I use...when I'm feeling bitchy I say I'd rather buy shoes...that one gets a good reaction especially from women. Some people aren't so bad and I'll tell them that kids aren't something we want to do and we're more into the 4 legged kid then 2 legged. Just depends on who asks/comments and what mood I'm in.
Oh and one time I said "actually I am pregnant"...that was a fun time.
@Zoekat: That is hilarious!
We don't have that many people ask us, so it doesn't bother us too much, but we say we'd like some time to ourselves after spending 3 and 4 years respectively in grad school!
I dont mind answering the question, but Now I just say the we will be waiting and our NEW HOME is our baby.... doesnt really work, but whatever... Ill be pregnant when Ill tell them ;)
Miss Manners (my role model too!) actually did answer this question recently about an annoying friend who recently had children and constantly bugged the reader about WHEN she was going to have kids and constantly urged her to HURRY UP!! Her suggestion was to say to the friend "But my husband doesn't get off work until 6:00pm!"
We definitely don't want them anytime soon and don't know if we ever will - luckily we already have 10 nieces and nephews (if you've read my other posts about including children in the wedding) so no one in our family seems to want us to hurry. I'm usually just honest with people and give a panicked look when I'm asked and say something like "Geez - let me get married first, okay??"
I'm not bother by the question, and I always say that we want to have them at least 2 years after we are married, just because we want to buy a house and travel first. 
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Since we have a more solid plan about when we want to have kids (which might be something you want to talk to your husband (squee! CONGRATS!) about, buy the way, just 'cause you two might have a strong difference in opinion), I'll be able to tell people "in three years at the most". =) Though I'll probably get annoyed at some point in time and say something else. ;)
OMG, we just got back from visiting my ILs and I think she mentioned grandchildren probably 15 times...in 5 days! They actually made some decisions about a home remodel based on how it would impact the future grandchildren! Talk about pressure!! I keep trying to reiterate to her that we have kids in our long term plan, but they're not coming any time soon! At the EARLIEST we're talking 3 years from now. Luckily my husband and I are on the same page, so there isn't any confusion for us. I just hope my MIL gets on board...I don't need to hear her talking about it everytime I see her!
I just keep telling my parents and FILs not to expect kids til I'm 30 (I'm 26 now). They keep complaining that they'll be too old to enjoy the kids. That makes me feel a little bad but I usually tell them that they should've had kids when they were younger so that they would have grandkids younger (make sense?)
Someone posted about this a few weeks ago and one of the responses was something like "well, we tired this morning but it's too soon to tell". That will shut them up :)
Ughh, personally this question bothers me ALOT, especially because it usually comes from Mr.E's immediate and extended family!! Constant questions and innuendos, ugh.
For a while I was deflecting the question with one of these two responses, "Ohh, we'd like to enjoy at least 2 years by ourselves." or "Ohh, Bonnie (Mr.E's older sister) has to have one first".
Unfortunately we are approaching the 2 year mark and are nowhere NEAR ready to have a baby. And Bonnie already had hers, so there goes that response. Bah humbug.
We just got a doggie though, so all our attention is going towards her, hehe
We just tell them we're waiting a few years. People usually don't follow up or pressure us after we just say that in a friendly way.
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The first time we were asked about kids was at my sister's co-ed babyshower. Someone said, "So, are you two going to start trying soon?" My clueless and confused response: "Trying what?"
The second time wasn't any better. When my OTHER sister announced that she was pregnant, someone said, "You must be excited that your wedding's so soon so that you can get pregnant at the same time as your sisters!" Me: "Hahahahaha...ha...ha...ha.......Oh...I'm sorry...Were you not joking?"
Anyway, now that I've gotten a little more used to the question, I always just smile and say, "We won't be having kids for a while - we have a lot to do first!"
We're not even married yet and we're getting thekid questions already. We always get, "are you planning on having kids?" then it's "when do you think you want to have them?" and then it's "how many do you want to have?" Both Mr. Orchid and I are from big familys. He's one of six and I'm one of four so I think both families have expectations of three or more kids. So usually the answers are, "yes". "we're planning on waiting at least 3 years after we get married" and "No way are we having more than 6! Probably 3 or 4, MAX"
Like Miss Orchids, we already get the questions. Which is hilarious because not only are we not married, but we're also still in school, AND we've only been together for about a year and a half. But, still, the questions. Our answer is usually just that we're still in school and would like to wait until we're out. The question doesn't bother me: I do want kids! And people obviously wouldn't be asking the question if they didn't think we'd make a great momma and poppa team! ;)
Um, it's not classy, but I generally laugh it off with some version of, "We're barely handling a second dog!" Either the reference to dogs (and our brood of animals) makes them uncomfortable, or they think I'm comparing a kid to a dog, or they think "OH, geez, good point" -- but they shut up.
Unless they're my mom. In which case I offer to send her the two granddogs for the summer. Or remind her that our cleanliness is just shy of frat-house. Or tell her we're in a celibate marriage. Or anything to make her drop it.
MJ - my hubby used to get the question from his parents BEFORE HE'D EVER BEEN IN A DECENTLY LONG RELATIONSHIP. Yea. Craaaaazy. They'd be like, "Well, find a nice girl already and have some kids."
So far we haven't really been asked this question too much. We do want to start a family soon after we are married but I feel like it's really nobody's business. I know my FMIL is dying to have a grandbaby but she hasn't been a pest about it. I have heard someone say "I haven't seen any storks flying around recently so I guess not anytime soon." I usually like to stick with "Whenever it happens, it happens."
One easy way to avoid the question entirely is to get pregnant immediately, like I did, HA!
Actually though, someone did ask me before we were telling about the pregnancy-- talk about awkward. I just said "Oh, we'll see what happens!"
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