- 7 years ago
My SIL’s oldest daughter is getting married this August and has sent us a ‘save the date’ card. As selfish as it might sound, neither of us want to go. Hubby and his sister are not close (not exactly 100% estranged [yet] but definitely not close…..they talk maybe once every other year or so….usually when SIL wants something) and we don’t know any of their three daughters (23, 19 and 18). We haven’t seen nor talked to the bride-to-be (23) since she was 15 or 16.
We don’t want to attend is because there’s never, and I do mean never, been an effort on SIL’s part to get to know/be involved with our kids, etc. Our youngest (16) recently asked about his father’s sister, “Who’s Aunt So and So?” Our other two kids (20/19) are simply not interested. Our son graduated HS last year, the same night SIL’s youngest graduated HS in a different town 3 hours away. SIL convinced her parents that having one of them come to our son’s graduation, thereby one of them missing her daughter’s graduation, would just “not be right.” She pitched a fit and neither my FIL or MIL showed up to our kid’s graduation. I understand that same night graduations amongst grandkids must be a tough deal but IMO, neither of them coming to our son’s ceremony was hurtful to all involved on our end, esp my son (particularly since they told him one of them would be there and found out on grad night it wasn’t going to happen). Hurtful, but not surprising it happened once SIL got involved. This is just one example of things that have taken place over the years.
My husband is adamant about not going and I’m on the fence about it. MIL recently told us if we didn’t show up that SIL would “kill us.” Ok, well….whatever. I would go but I’m not going to force my kids to go as I don’t blame them for not being interested in their cousin’s wedding. Hubby would only go kicking and screaming – not a lot of fun for me.
BTW, I can rest easy at night knowing if we don’t go that our “niece” would never notice our absence. Her invite list is 350+ and she doesn’t know us anyway. She apparently was on Facebook when her sister/my son graduated laughing w/her mom/my SIL via wall posts that she “got her way” again. I never looked myself because it wasn’t worth adding to my already hurt feelings about the graduation issue (my 20yo daughter was the one who saw and told me about the posts). Luckily my son never saw any of this.
Hubby dislikes his niece…….says she is very selfish, a spoiled brat, and highly unappreciative. I tend to agree. I also think my hubby’s lack of interest in going is really coming from his strong dislike for his sister, and their long/negative history, rather than finding the niece annoying – which she always was, who knows now. MIL says she is but I haven’t seen for myself in a long time (the FB posts are indicative she hasn’t changed much).
Any input from brides who have been forced to deal with family drama? We wouldn’t be the most enthusiastic guests on her list and weddings/receptions of this magnitude are expensive. The bride/mom might be “brats” when it comes to family but I’m sure they’re shelling out a lot of money to make this fly…..would you want family at your wedding who felt forced to come, or would you rather have your money spent on those who really want to be there? Seems like a dumb question but family issues can and do get weird. I don’t want to stoop to their level but I don’t want to be wimpy about it either.
Asking because I tend to go with the flow and hubby absolutely doesn’t, so I’m concerned we’ve lost any objectivity we may have had about this situation. And there’s been a lot of family drama in the very recent past that doesn’t have much to do with the bride herself. 🙁
Hope this post makes sense, feels like I’m rambling…..