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E-vites...that reminds me of the Man with a Wedding Plan series.
Hang in there!
My FI brought up e-vites too, but he was laughing when he said it! He was completely uninterested until we started looking at venues. He already said he doesn't care about what colors we have, what the flowers look like, but he wants to provide good food and when people walk into our reception hall, he wants them to be amazed! He said that we "needed chair covers" because the hall ones are metal folding chairs...I almost fell over! I'm not sure when your wedding is, but I think it takes them longer to get interested!
GL!
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Some of your FI's questions are valid, some are just funny- I myself did not know the difference between bridal shower and bachelorette party until now- the evite thing s cute, if he was joking?? ;)
My FI does not care for details as I think many guys don't but he does want to be involved or at least feel like he is involved.
jmochi, you are certainly not alone.
i've had many similar episodes with my FI. prior to purchasing ANYTHING, he researches it to death. yet when it comes to wedding planning, he hasn't taken the time to educate himself at all. its definitely frustrating at times.
Thanks Angel for the Man with a Wedding Plan series-- hilarious!
I'm glad to know that other ppl share similar frustrations... I knew that you did, but the vocal support makes everything seem better. This must be why weddingbee is such good group wedding therapy. =D
The Man With a Wedding Plan series is fabulous!!
As for the disinterested grooms, it's just a fact of life--by and large men could care less about party details. Look on the bright side, though--if he doesn't care about the details, then you get whatever you want. =)
Oh yeah, I got the E-vite question too. FI also wanted to give everyone two drink tickets to limit everyone's alcohol consumption. The funny thing is that he isn't paying a dime! Even so, everything is "too expensive." Occasionally, he drives me a little batty because sometimes he is deliberately being difficult.
I can't imagine what he would've done if pink had been one of our colors or I had decided on a candy buffet.
Some people do send their wedding invitations electronically, so it isn't unheard of... more earth-friendly, or just more practical. So it's not toally unheard of =)
i am so glad to hear that there are other gals out there with disinterested grooms.. any time i start to talk too long about things he sort of glazes over. fortunately, he's quick to reassure me that he would take it to the courthouse tomorrow.. he's excited about getting married, just doesn't want any anxiety over planning.
i feel so envious of you brides that can send your FI to a vendor to check some things off!
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My FI was definately N.I.D (Not Into Details) until recently (Because now its time to hash out the cash!) All of a sudden, He wants to have his say so- BTW our wedding is 3 months away!... When I was planning and "researching" I always asked for his imput, Asked him to meet vendors and help pick venues... Ladies, If you only knew how many times I heard "Baby, Whatever you pick is fine" and "Go ahead, I trust your judgement"... OH GOD!!
I decided to let him pick our dj (out of a group that I hand selected) So he'd feel like he got to choose something. He also helped with the menu. Now that everything is picked he's wishing that he had more say so earlier (which is the very thing I begged for, for months)... Anyways, Hang in there and everything will be fine. I promise it gets easier!
Actually my FSD (future step-daughter) asked why we didn't email. And aside from the whole issue of using email for invitations for a formal event, which I let her dad explain, at least one real reason is that I don't have everybody's email, and don't intend to call everyone to get it! I do have addresses, because everyone is on a Christmas card list (mine, his, FMILs, mom's...).
I find my FI actually doesn't care about anything except the stuff he is adamant about. Which is totally unpredictable. Although that attitude was predictable, as that's the way he always is. Very picky or totally unconcerned. He is (luckily) endlessly interested in the process and in all the endless crazy list of things that have to be considered, or he is pretty good at faking it so as not to get his butt kicked. Since he is the one (along with my mom) who wanted the big social event, and I am the one who wanted to go to the courthouse.
He also knows quite a bit about big, fancy parties, as he has worked for several companies that throw big, fancy parties for their clients, and now has his own company which buys tables at lots of fancy benefits. So he is surprisingly savvy about things like table linens, venue logistics, centerpieces, event timing, and such.
He was completely floored by the idea of the bride and groom getting each other presents, the concept of the father/daughter and mother/son dance, the guest book (which he keeps calling the trailhead log) and why it takes so much more to have a wedding dress fitted than to have a suit altered.
He went out all on his own the other day and bought us a set of very fancy champagne flutes in a very fancy box, as we had been talking about toasts. (Now, how did he even think of that?) And, while I have been ordering invitation samples and obsessing over colors, he has planned and made reservations for the whole wedding weekend away and most of our honeymoon. He rocks.
Maybe its because we went to 12 weddings last year, and we are paying for the whole shindig ourselves, but my FI is totally involved in every aspect. He might not be as detail oriented as I am, but really who is, but he has been with me to every meeting, made every decision with me, and definitely has opinions on what he wants. Maybe since we did go to so many weddings, we have both decided what we liked and didn't before we got engaged, so were both on point when the planning began.
LOL. This post is hilarious. It reminds me of my hubbie.
Girls keep in mind: men are different from us. They are a total different species.`Eventhough the wedding will have the both of you in it, most men do not care about the flowers, the dress, the venue...That is completely normal. A wedding is a total girly thing and men are not into that. It's like buying a house. It's a common and mutual decision such as the fact of deciding to get married. Your partner will give you a budget, the area he wants to move to and the condition that it has to have a 3 car garage but do you really think he would care about the carpet, french doors, an island kitchen, the color of your shower curtain? Hell no. Men are simple and we should just respect that. After all don't you think it will make things alot more easier? Oh, if it is too overwhelming then choose your MOH or another good friend or sister instead to help you to decide on vendors and envision the wedding of your dreams.
'Baby, whatver you pick is fine with me'
'I will make sure I just show up on the wedding day'
'She is the one in charge'
Works for me 
I do have to brag that my FI did research wedding coordinators for me on one of his days off. Most of them said it was the first time that a groom had called them! He also cared about the cake and the band. Really, he has done a great job; it's just the finer points of weird bridal/wedding etiquette that *I* didn't even know about before starting this whole thing that he doesn't seem to understand.
I've kind of made a rule, whenever FI shows a strong preference for something wedding-related (and isn't just being difficult), I let him have it. Case-in-point, he really wanted a specific Eucharistic prayer for our service, and even though it's not my favorite, that's what we're going to have. It's all about compromise. 
IMG_6660.JPG (37 KB, 56 downloads) 2 years old IMG_6645.JPG (37.9 KB, 56 downloads) 2 years old 
I think my FI is taking everything in stride pretty well. I have the mornings off so am able to do TONS of research. The Boy may not know what he likes , but he's not shy about voicing what he does not like. And that has been very helpful. He's helped with the menu and we sat down and worked out a budget . he put everything on spread sheet and has been putting everytiny thing we pay for in, so we know where everything is going! But sometimes he just says things to get my goat! like "why do we have to rent chair for the cermony? it's not like they will be there very long , they can stand!"
My FI thinks he knows everything, but he really doesn't. He thinks that we can send invites out a week before the wedding and that would be okay, haha!
We used postcards as STDs. I was addressing the postcards when this conversation took place:
FI: Why aren't we putting them in envelopes?
Me: We are saving money on postage by mailing them as postcards.
FI: But now they won't be able to send them back to us. How are we going to know if they saved the date?
Me: Uncontrollable laughter.
I shouldn't give him too hard of a time, because this was another exchange:
FI: What are you doing?
Me: Practicing my handwriting so I can address our wedding invitations.
FI: We aren't hiring a calligrapher anymore?
Me: I read on weddingbee that the actual tradition isn't that they are done in calligraphy but that they are hand written as they are personal correspondance.
FI: I want to practice my handwriting and address the invitations too.
HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT! My jaw dropped. I practiced for weeks until I was satisfied with my handwriting. FI practiced for 30 minutes - looked up and said, "I have really nice handwriting" and was very satisfied with himself.
So, to answer the question, if my FI was planning the wedding, there would be less perfectionism, but it would end up just as perfect.
enmoore66 - Your post made me laugh...out loud...at work! :) Thanks!
TRUST ME THIS WILL MAKE YOU GRATEFUL FOR IGNORANT GROOMS!
My FI really is great when it comes to the wedding planning ... BUT like so many of you others I have heard the "whatever you want sweetie" and the ever so popular "if you like it then I like it" But what he really does not seem to get is i REALLY do want his input... he thinks he is being a better groom to step aside but I want to do this together - its not MY wedding day it is OUR wedding day - Ironically though when he does show an interest it is about the strangest most random things and he will be adamant about whatever it is - ex: he wants a pocket square not a boutonniere - I say ok - he did not want a band no matter what - i said ok - but he seems to only focus on his suggestions that were NOT picked such as a James Bond Themed Wedding where he could enter the room on a zip line - or dressing the bridesmaids as stewardesses - just a few of the rediculous suggestions I rejected
He keeps saying "I thought we were having a SIMPLE wedding - what is all of this STUFF - bridesmaid gifts, programs, menu cards, STDs???? - I try to explain it is all part of a wedding - So, he is very perplexed by my obsession with Weddingbee so one day I showed him Mr. Monkey's posts and he was facinated by the grooms perspective - while reading this particular part of the post (http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/01/11/it-begins/)
"But man - there’s so much more. There’s the valet guy, the servers, the ’stations’, the cocktails, the runner, the ring boy, the flower girl, the photographer - whether or not you want a videographer, the color theme, the picking of the groomsmen, the transportation, the orientation of the tables, who gets to sit where, the reception hall reservation, insurance on the DJ, type of music to play, whether or not there will be a live giraffe at the party, the after-party, the napkins, the invitations, the save the dates, the lights, the cameras, the action afterwards, the in laws, the paperwork, the dress, the shoes, the buttons….the list goes on."
This is what he said to me that made me cry I was laughing so hard ...
FH: Woah! "RUNNER" ... WHO is that?
ME: laughing so hard I can't form words ....
FH: Seriously we need a person to run??? Where are they running??? Why do they run??? Stop laughing answer me...
ME: Still laughing and crying now ...
FH: No really, WHO IS AN AISLE RUNNER AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST??? (getting very exasperated)
Me: gasping for breath ... it is not a WHO ... it is a THING!!!
FH: Wait, you mean that piece of paper that rolls down the aisle? Yeah, we dont need that - there is carpet in the church ... see I do make decisions ...next?
So, when you are doubting your grooms interest level be grateful for the moments of cluelessness that make you love them even more!!!
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If you want him to be more involved, I wonder if you could find out which items he really cares about and let him help with those decisions?
My FI is involved at about the same level as yours; my only advantage is that his sister is 4 years older than us and he was in her wedding (and has been in 4 in the last 4 years). Otherwise, I am sure that he would be totally hopeless as well
However, I will echo what others have said about him being totally adamant about random things. Sometimes it makes me a bit crazy.
Krystyli - Your post makes me think I need to stop reading weddingbee at work! I was crying!
Oh my gosh, this thread is HILARIOUS!
But it proves my theory, that men really are no different than 5yr old boys. That is so adorable EnMoore that your man want's to practice his handwriting!!! Very funny.
My guy glazes over when I speak about wedding stuff for too long, and my dad simply walks away.
However, like Suzanno, there are certain things that he has very specific ideas about. One was that we HAD TO HAVE A WEDDING CAKE. Here's how it went:
Me: Hey babe, what do you think about doing cupcakes at the wedding instead of a wedding cake?
FI: WHAT!? We HAVE to have a wedding Cake!!!! It's TRADITION!!!
Me: Well cupcakes are a new take on it, besides, cupcakes are more fun and we can put them on pedestals just like a cake.
-----> Here comes the guy logic:
FI: No. We are already following tradition by getting married and having a wedding, we can't just not have a wedding cake. We need to have the picture!
Me: (confused) The picture? The picture of the wedding cake?
FI: Yes, we need a picture of us cutting a wedding cake. It's tradition. We can't 'cut a cupcake' that doesn't look right. We need a wedding cake so that we can have that picture for the album. Otherwise, what's the point of doing all this other traditional stuff?
So, we are having a wedding cake....
ontop of 2 pedestals of cupcakes!!!! (HAHAHA!!!!)
I think grooms are interested, and want to know more, they just haven't had the exposure we have and have been taught that it's their wife-to-be's day. Also, they seem to focus in and get excited about different things than we do. Mine came up with the idea to name the tables after Texas rivers since we met at one and it's a bit of a Texas theme. He seemed really excited about it and I liked the idea too so I was sure to praise him a lot for it. Now he seems more encouraged to come up with more ideas. He was really surprised after asking me what he's going to wear and what his boutonierre will look like and I told him that he could pick. He always buys me wedding magazines and looks secretly pleased when I "make him" read an article or look at a picture.
This post was so hilarious, and obviously very common that men are kind of "hands off" with the wedding planning. Mine was also until we actually had to start paying for vendors, and then I suddenly became grateful and longing for the days when he didn't have much of an opinion. I already knew it, but didn't realize just how much we have VERY different tastes and it started getting really frustrating. For example, the cake he chose was dry and nasty and looked straight out of the 80's with really heavy and stiff buttercream frosting and cheesy designs with a fountain underneath it...the plastic kind. We didn't go with this of course, but he pouted for days until he saw the showroom and tasted the cake at Torrance Bakery. He is very aesthetically ignorant, God bless him. So, I left him in charge of certain things, like his tux (he wore a "Brim" with his tux - very pimpin') and some other things that I felt he would be good with and he was. He was even really good about running errands. I felt a little dictatorial, but honestly, you have to give them some kind of parameters to work within because most men just don't care about details and will half-ass everything into the ground! You have to figure out which aspects of the planning that they would be good at, and then just let them do their thing!
lol. that sounds about right. once, out of the blue, my bf told me that when we get married, we were just going to pick a date and do it, in like 2 weeks. i was horrified but thankfully he thought about it and realized that wouldn't work. and right after that i told him that he could plan the first wedding ceremony [the one for just us] and i'll take care of the "big one" [family and friends] since i'm the planner in the outfit. and he was perfectly fine with that. lol. so i'll see in a few years what happens when a guy plans the entire thing.
I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, a church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife...Needless to say that shut me up! <font style="display: none">
</font>
Is it just me, or is anyone else uncomfortable with the guy-mocking in this thread? I know it's all in good fun, but I'd be awfully offended if I saw a similar discussion about 'the ignorant things girls say about cars, haha!'
I'm not uncomfortable. But then again I don't see this as mocking.
I don't see it as mocking either. We're not making fun, just sharing stories and frustrations. If guys want to make fun of my lack of car knowledge..have it! I'd laugh with them and I'm sure they would laugh at this too!
my FI is not bad, actually, although he hates it when i obsess with the details of the wedding. to me, it's ok that he's not into the wedding planning as much as i do. it's just not coded in his dna to care. and i've comprised a lot to accommodate his requests.
1) STD - we actually did evite. it's not bad. i was a little uncomfortable w/ the idea at first, but since it saved me stress about making and designing an STD, i'm at peace w/ our decision.
2) e-pics - FI was against it admantly at first. i was sad at first, then talked myself into not doing one. until we found a photographer that just took his breathe away. now, we're doing e-pics, 4 months before the wedding.
my thought is that we should not place too much expectation on our grooms-to-be, certainly not the type of enthusiam about the planning aspect of the wedding. if they ask silly questions, then educate them. it's not about equal footing. don't let the planning spoil the fun and anticipation leading up to the actual nuptial.
Krystili - you are too funny.
1. At the caterering department of our venue:
Him: Yes. We need this thing..how do you call it?..Hm. That you run on that is long and white?
2. At home doing the invitations:
Him: Do we really need to put the stamps on the envelope for the RSVPs?
Me: Yes honey, or else chances are that we get even less responses back in time
3. At the hanbok (korean traditional dress) vendor:
Him: I would never wear that (pointing out a a pic in a magazine with a guy wearing completely pink).
Me: Okay. That is fine. You can wear whatever you like as long it somewhat matches the colors of the hanbok I will be wearing.
Oh and choose something where the pants has a darker color and the top is lighter it would like weird the other way around.
Him: Really?
At home: His sister in Korea decided to buy us two hanboks knowing that my wedding colors are pink and green
Me: Honey, we should send your sister an email or call her to let her know that you do not want to wear a pinkish hanbok just in case. What if she get's you a pink one?
Him: That's okay. I will wear whatever she gets me
Me: Really?...
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I often wonder what a groom-planned wedding would be like. I know there are guys out there who could do it. And I suspect that FI has the potential deep within. But I think given the societal assumption that this is all the Bride's pride and joy, grooms stay hands off and just follow orders. No problem with that.
But whenever he asks me a question that suddenly exposes the great chasm of lack of wedding knowledge, I am always a little jolted. Because before this wedding planning started, I never knew anything about weddings. I'm not one of those girls who started planning at a young age, I never read Martha, and the only wedding I have been to was my cousin's destination wedding three years ago. YET for the sake of planning our wedding, I have educated myself in all things wedding (thanks weddingbee)-- and I just wonder why guys don't do the same thing! "What are engagement pictures?" "Are bridal showers an all girl thing?" "Is that the same thing as a bachelorette party?" "Can we not serve drinks during the cocktail hour?" "People never keep wedding invitations anyway, can we send an Evite?"
If this is the beginning of our partnership in life, I wish wedding planning had us on more of an equal footing. Misery loves company, so please speak up if your groom is also woefully wedding-ignorant. (Okay okay, I'm not miserable, I'm actually very happy; wedding planning is good for my Type A personality, and I get to poke/prod/punch groom playfully whenever he asks these dumb questions. Yes, there IS such a thing as a stupid question.)