Post # 1
I often wonder what a groom-planned wedding would be like. I know there are guys out there who could do it. And I suspect that FI has the potential deep within. But I think given the societal assumption that this is all the Bride’s pride and joy, grooms stay hands off and just follow orders. No problem with that.
But whenever he asks me a question that suddenly exposes the great chasm of lack of wedding knowledge, I am always a little jolted. Because before this wedding planning started, I never knew anything about weddings. I’m not one of those girls who started planning at a young age, I never read Martha, and the only wedding I have been to was my cousin’s destination wedding three years ago. YET for the sake of planning our wedding, I have educated myself in all things wedding (thanks weddingbee)– and I just wonder why guys don’t do the same thing! "What are engagement pictures?" "Are bridal showers an all girl thing?" "Is that the same thing as a bachelorette party?" "Can we not serve drinks during the cocktail hour?" "People never keep wedding invitations anyway, can we send an Evite?"
If this is the beginning of our partnership in life, I wish wedding planning had us on more of an equal footing. Misery loves company, so please speak up if your groom is also woefully wedding-ignorant. (Okay okay, I’m not miserable, I’m actually very happy; wedding planning is good for my Type A personality, and I get to poke/prod/punch groom playfully whenever he asks these dumb questions. Yes, there IS such a thing as a stupid question.)
Post # 3
E-vites…that reminds me of the Man with a Wedding Plan series.
Hang in there!
Post # 4
My FI brought up e-vites too, but he was laughing when he said it! He was completely uninterested until we started looking at venues. He already said he doesn’t care about what colors we have, what the flowers look like, but he wants to provide good food and when people walk into our reception hall, he wants them to be amazed! He said that we "needed chair covers" because the hall ones are metal folding chairs…I almost fell over! I’m not sure when your wedding is, but I think it takes them longer to get interested!
Post # 5
Some of your FI’s questions are valid, some are just funny- I myself did not know the difference between bridal shower and bachelorette party until now- the evite thing s cute, if he was joking?? 😉
My FI does not care for details as I think many guys don’t but he does want to be involved or at least feel like he is involved.
Post # 6
jmochi, you are certainly not alone.
i’ve had many similar episodes with my FI. prior to purchasing ANYTHING, he researches it to death. yet when it comes to wedding planning, he hasn’t taken the time to educate himself at all. its definitely frustrating at times.
Post # 7
Thanks Angel for the Man with a Wedding Plan series– hilarious!
I’m glad to know that other ppl share similar frustrations… I knew that you did, but the vocal support makes everything seem better. This must be why weddingbee is such good group wedding therapy. =D
Post # 8
The Man With a Wedding Plan series is fabulous!!
As for the disinterested grooms, it’s just a fact of life–by and large men could care less about party details. Look on the bright side, though–if he doesn’t care about the details, then you get whatever you want. =)
Post # 9
Oh yeah, I got the E-vite question too. FI also wanted to give everyone two drink tickets to limit everyone’s alcohol consumption. The funny thing is that he isn’t paying a dime! Even so, everything is "too expensive." Occasionally, he drives me a little batty because sometimes he is deliberately being difficult.
I can’t imagine what he would’ve done if pink had been one of our colors or I had decided on a candy buffet.
Post # 10
Some people do send their wedding invitations electronically, so it isn’t unheard of… more earth-friendly, or just more practical. So it’s not toally unheard of =)
Post # 11
i am so glad to hear that there are other gals out there with disinterested grooms.. any time i start to talk too long about things he sort of glazes over. fortunately, he’s quick to reassure me that he would take it to the courthouse tomorrow.. he’s excited about getting married, just doesn’t want any anxiety over planning.
i feel so envious of you brides that can send your FI to a vendor to check some things off!
Post # 12
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My FI was definately N.I.D (Not Into Details) until recently (Because now its time to hash out the cash!) All of a sudden, He wants to have his say so- BTW our wedding is 3 months away!… When I was planning and "researching" I always asked for his imput, Asked him to meet vendors and help pick venues… Ladies, If you only knew how many times I heard "Baby, Whatever you pick is fine" and "Go ahead, I trust your judgement"… OH GOD!! I decided to let him pick our dj (out of a group that I hand selected) So he’d feel like he got to choose something. He also helped with the menu. Now that everything is picked he’s wishing that he had more say so earlier (which is the very thing I begged for, for months)… Anyways, Hang in there and everything will be fine. I promise it gets easier!
Post # 13
Actually my FSD (future step-daughter) asked why we didn’t email. And aside from the whole issue of using email for invitations for a formal event, which I let her dad explain, at least one real reason is that I don’t have everybody’s email, and don’t intend to call everyone to get it! I do have addresses, because everyone is on a Christmas card list (mine, his, FMILs, mom’s…).
I find my FI actually doesn’t care about anything except the stuff he is adamant about. Which is totally unpredictable. Although that attitude was predictable, as that’s the way he always is. Very picky or totally unconcerned. He is (luckily) endlessly interested in the process and in all the endless crazy list of things that have to be considered, or he is pretty good at faking it so as not to get his butt kicked. Since he is the one (along with my mom) who wanted the big social event, and I am the one who wanted to go to the courthouse.
He also knows quite a bit about big, fancy parties, as he has worked for several companies that throw big, fancy parties for their clients, and now has his own company which buys tables at lots of fancy benefits. So he is surprisingly savvy about things like table linens, venue logistics, centerpieces, event timing, and such.
He was completely floored by the idea of the bride and groom getting each other presents, the concept of the father/daughter and mother/son dance, the guest book (which he keeps calling the trailhead log) and why it takes so much more to have a wedding dress fitted than to have a suit altered.
He went out all on his own the other day and bought us a set of very fancy champagne flutes in a very fancy box, as we had been talking about toasts. (Now, how did he even think of that?) And, while I have been ordering invitation samples and obsessing over colors, he has planned and made reservations for the whole wedding weekend away and most of our honeymoon. He rocks.
Post # 14
Maybe its because we went to 12 weddings last year, and we are paying for the whole shindig ourselves, but my FI is totally involved in every aspect. He might not be as detail oriented as I am, but really who is, but he has been with me to every meeting, made every decision with me, and definitely has opinions on what he wants. Maybe since we did go to so many weddings, we have both decided what we liked and didn’t before we got engaged, so were both on point when the planning began.
Post # 15
LOL. This post is hilarious. It reminds me of my hubbie.
Girls keep in mind: men are different from us. They are a total different species.`Eventhough the wedding will have the both of you in it, most men do not care about the flowers, the dress, the venue…That is completely normal. A wedding is a total girly thing and men are not into that. It’s like buying a house. It’s a common and mutual decision such as the fact of deciding to get married. Your partner will give you a budget, the area he wants to move to and the condition that it has to have a 3 car garage but do you really think he would care about the carpet, french doors, an island kitchen, the color of your shower curtain? Hell no. Men are simple and we should just respect that. After all don’t you think it will make things alot more easier? Oh, if it is too overwhelming then choose your MOH or another good friend or sister instead to help you to decide on vendors and envision the wedding of your dreams.
‘Baby, whatver you pick is fine with me’
‘I will make sure I just show up on the wedding day’
‘She is the one in charge’
Works for me
Post # 16
I do have to brag that my FI did research wedding coordinators for me on one of his days off. Most of them said it was the first time that a groom had called them! He also cared about the cake and the band. Really, he has done a great job; it’s just the finer points of weird bridal/wedding etiquette that *I* didn’t even know about before starting this whole thing that he doesn’t seem to understand.
I’ve kind of made a rule, whenever FI shows a strong preference for something wedding-related (and isn’t just being difficult), I let him have it. Case-in-point, he really wanted a specific Eucharistic prayer for our service, and even though it’s not my favorite, that’s what we’re going to have. It’s all about compromise.