- 8 years ago
FI had a talk with his mom last night and nothing she said surprised me honestly, which is unfortunate. They had a deal that his grandparents would help with school if he paid the money back to his mom. When the time came, she said don’t worry about it, just pay this (gigantic- over $15K) bill for me. That’s been done and we get remined all the time how he still owes her and somehow we still owe her more than an <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>extremely nice house for “everything I’ve ever done for you.” Last night she said she regrets not having him pay his school loan back because of a.) our (her and I) relationship (it’s not what her ideal relationship would be between us) b.) she is “paying for my schooling now.” HELLO! I have a job! I don’t just leech off my FI. I could support myself (and us, for that matter) if I had to and I’m paying off my loans and plan to continue doing so. Now we are considering paying her back for his loans for the peace of mind. However, she will never let it go and I say that based on her history. So part of me is like why bother, we’ll never be even.
About our relationship: ever since we started talking about getting married, everything (regardless of how close to them I am in miles) is my fault, I can’t do anything right, I’m taking her son away from her, etc. It’s been a complete 180.
We had family visit us. She thought she should be the only one to stay at our house and if my family was going to be there, she wasn’t going to come over. We had room for everyone. She decided to get a hotel room; FI offered to pay for it several times and she said no. Well now she is absolutely livid because he didn’t pay for it and we “owe her”. She said she will be getting a room from now on when she visits and won’t even be coming over to our house…which honestly is great because I was having an extremely hard time stomaching allowing someone in our house that treats both me and FI like crap.
I got a little off track…We have had a couple of visits and she pretty much acted like I didn’t exist. I was the one to say something first and it was never reciprocated, either visit. I honestly feel I have made the first move (it wasn’t HUGE and earth changing). My FI has said she will not make the first move yet “she made the first move by my FI asking me if I wanted to join them on an outing”, which came from him, not her. Do I try to make another first move? How many times do I have to make the first move??? I know part of it is pride because if I give in now and act like nothing has ever happened, then I’m not standing up for myself (a lot more has happened than what I am writing) and it makes her feel she can treat me anyway she wants, which is what she is used to. Everyone excuses her behavior. Her ideal relationship with me is blasphemous to me because she is not someone I trust AT ALL anymore and I refuse to talk to her without a third party, or in writing, due to her throwing me under the bus and telling everyone I’ve said things about them when in fact she was the one, among other things.