- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
So, I don’t even know how to bring this up with DH. Both of our families are large, and very supportive (which is good). The only difference is that my family tends to kind of leave us alone for the most part and enjoy seeing us when they do (as we are working/busy adults). I feel like DH’s family tends to put more obligations on us than my family. Examples:
1. The big one: FIL commutes (by plane) to our area for work weekly. It started out with DH (and sometimes me) picking him up once every couple weeks. Now, we have to pick him up in the beginning of the week and drop him off at the airport (25 minutes away, and at inconvenient times…like rush hour) at the end of the week. It would be fine if it was a once in awhile thing, but it’s twice weekly and we never know when he is going to call. It’s fine until it starts interfering with plans. Case in point, we had to leave Easter at my folks early (a 2 hour drive right after my mom had gotten home from Rome) to go pick him up.
2. DH’s family all live in the same area aside from us. They are always trying to plan a “family vacation” with us for a week or so, and I just don’t have enough vacation time if I want to comply with their other obligations (see them for Christmas, visit them, etc.) I hate to sound like a bitch, but my job is high stress and I need some down time to myself too, when I can actually unwind and not feel like I have to be on my A game all the time.
3. We got invited to a wedding (someone I don’t know on their side) the weekend before my 30th birthday, and nobody even told me about it. I had been planning to do something for my birthday out of town, and had to cancel and shift everything forward because his family was coming into town for said wedding and expected us to be there.
I know a lot of this is marital compromise, and I have made compromises, but I just feel like:
1. ILs have unrealistic expectations for two busy adults trying to start a life together, and;
2. DH sucks at communicating their demands to me, and I get flustered when I find these things out at the last minute.
BEES, help. How do I communicate my frustration to DH without sounding like a huge bitch? I just want to be able to make plans and not have to worry if they will ultimately conflict with whatever ILs have planned for us.