I think for women getting to that point where they want to initiate can take awhile, both on a day to day basis AND a while in the relationship. I’ve been in mine for a long time and still prefer him to initiate, even if I’m really, really in the mood. I hate to admit there are times when I’m frankly so tired it takes a long time to care whether we do or just go to sleep. A woman’s libido is tied a lot more into her emotional state, making it harder to feel aroused, even if you’re trying, when stressed, tired, over worked, sick, on any new medications, new exercise regimes…etc – a lot is going on in your body and in your mind, and for woemn, arousal is more in the mind than for men.
I don;t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with a low libido, as long as you and your SO can cope with probable different ‘go’ times. Also, if the woamn ever feels she’s ‘taking too long’, it can cause stress, making it virtually impossible to enjoy sexual contact – I call it performance anxiety for women. Men are supposed to be able to hold out for a long time – women are expected to go off like a firecracker prety quickly – both these expectations can hurt the actual sexual experience.
I agree that ladies with sisues feeling aroused might not yet have found exactly what they need to get there, and to enjoy sex. What works for one person won’t necesarialy work for you – like some women are crazy multi-orgasmic who can enjoy almost anything from any angle – I personally, sorry if it’s TMI, need face to face contact, I need to feel clean (fresh out of the shower) and have at least enough energy that I could run around the block to enjoy myself. Otherwise, I can be a crock pot, slow to heat up.
I’d reccomend that the OP and other like her spend a bit more time… exploring what they like and don’t like about sex, and try their best to communicate what works and doesn’t with the partners. Some guys figure because ex-girlfrind #2 liked it in the bathtub, ALL women like it in the bath tub, or however. Since all women (and men) are built diffrently both physically and mentally, that’s just not true.
I think the libido, like anyhting else, can be trained a bit, and exercises to help it out would include taking some time alone, finding a book or website wih erotic stories, and read a few of them until you WANT sexual contact, from yourself or your partner. Take a warm bath with lots of jasmine scents, do the silly thing and light a bunch of candles. Experiment with some toys on your own, you might find that your partner has been close to ding what you need, but that the target is actually 5 millimeters to the left. Then, once you’ve figured out how your body works the best, take his ands or whatever next time you’re close, and show him what you need. It won’t offend him, and he might like it.
Also, a perpetual low lbido could ahve some medical causes, like depression, or other medications you might be taking, even OTC meds. Some allergy meds make things uncomfortable without a little extra hlpe from KY thanks to their dehydrating effect – no matter how much you’re in the mood, if you’re taking something that alters your body’s responses, you’ll need some extra help.