Post # 1
Bees – as if this year hasn’t been already full of life changes (wedding/new house/new job) my youngest brother texted me last night to warn me that he suspects my Dad’s girlfriend is PREGNANT.
My Dad is about to turn 60 and his live-in girlfriend/fiance, “Karen” is 40. She is the woman and family friend that my Dad had an affair with five years ago. He left and divorced my mom after she uncovered the affair. 30 year marriage down the drain.
After several years of terrible feelings toward my father, my two brothers and I have tried our best to accept Karen into our lives. We tolerate her politely – and that’s as good as it gets. Things just began to get “normal” for us again with my Dad, who we always adored as children.
My brother reports that at a family lake outing last weekend, Karen refused to go swimming or take off her baggy t-shirt, claiming she didn’t want to get sunburned. She didn’t drink at all either, which is very unusual for her. My brother’s girlfriend said Karen (who is rail thin) looked poochy through the stomach, although she was trying to mask it with a t-shirt.
And here I was beginning to think about having my own baby with my new husband…HAH!
I cannot describe how sad/disgusting I feel about the whole situation. I can’t imagine ever relating to or caring about this baby, even if it is a half-brother or sister. It’s still half the woman who ruined my family – not to mention the age difference of 30+ years. This will surely re-ruin the relationship my brothers and I have with our Dad, which is by far the most upsetting factor. I want to be fair to my Dad and set a mature example for my brothers, but I’m struggling to find the right answer.
My brothers and I were all excited about going home at the end of August to celebrate Dad’s big 60th – but now we suspect he’s calling us home to tell us the BIG NEWS. I have no idea how to gracefully handle this situation. It’s obviously his life decision, but I’m devestated to think that my brothers and I will probably go back to having no relationship with Dad after this. He’s always been a great and supportive Dad – but this is a situation where I can’t find strength to support him in return.
Post # 3
Your jumping to conclusions. Sorry.
Post # 4
you’re absolutely jumping to conclusions, nothing indicates that she is in fact pregnant. but if she was, I assure you you’re gona end up loving this baby, who will be your brother or sister. if you feel resentment over your dad, please don’t let it show in your relationship with your siblin who has nothing to do with it.
you wouldn’t stop being friends with a girl because you don’t like her mom. this is the same.
Post # 5
@soontobemrsemr: whoa whoa whoa– you don’t know anything other than you *think* she didn’t drink and she was wearing a baggy t-shirt. I would stop now before you make yourself upset over something you don’t know to be true.
IF, this gal IS pregnant, you and your familiy will need to do some soul searching. If you decide to cut contact, that is your choice. It is not the child’s fault that he/she was born into a crappy situation with his/her half siblings.
Bottom line: calm down until you for sure what is going on. Their fertility doesn’t impact yours.
Post # 6
@figgnewton: I hope so, but I’m not sure. My brother found paperwork in my Dad’s house around Xmas from some kind of fertility clinic confirming an appointment. We hoped it was for one of Karen’s purebred dogs that she breeds often…but maybe that was wishful thinking.
Post # 7
My friends and I are all 28-29 and my friend’s father is 62 and had a baby with a 24 year old. She was upset (to say the least) but she is over it now and loves her little brother. As harsh as this sounds: you need to work on getting over it. He will always be your father.
You dont even know if Karen is really pregnant and, if she is, there is nothing you can do.
Post # 8
I feel for you. My fiance is 36 and his father (around 65) has a 3 year-old and a 6 month-old with his 41-year-old wife. Super creepy in my opinion. Who wants to do it all over again?
My fiance also has a 10-year-old son. So his “aunts” are 7 and 9 years younger than him.
To each’s own, right?
Post # 9
@soontobemrsemr: Why don’t you just flat out ask your dad? If your that curious then just ask. Again your putting random things together to try to prove in your head she’s pregnant. Not trying to be mean so please don’t take it like I am. Also if she is, that child is your sibling. They didn’t do anything wrong so love him/her just like you love your brothers.
Post # 10
I understand you are rightfully hurt by your dad’s actions but you may be overracting. I agree with previous posters. You don’t know if she is pregnant, if she is..its not a reflection on you. Most importantly, please dont take your frustration with your dad out on an innocent baby if she is pregnant. That child will be your brother or sister whether you like your dad/his girlfriend or not. Be the bigger person and be loving toward that child (if there even is one). You don’t have to be pretend excited when talking to yoru dad but please dont transfer any negativity to a baby.
Post # 11
As others have said, you’re jumping to conclusions.
A woman I worked with (she is 19), was in a similar situation. Her Dad, in his mid-40s, got together with a woman who was the same age as his daughter. They got pregnant almost immediately after they began dating, and the woman I worked with expressed feelings similar to yours: anger, disgust. She still does not have a good relationship with her father’s girlfriend, but she loves her half-brother so much. They fall asleep cuddling, and she’s very happy to have him – it isn’t the baby’s fault that he was born into this.
Like others have said, if this is indeed the case, you’ll have to do some soul searching.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
60 – 40 is not a 30 year age difference. Just sayin.
Alas I’m being an asshole, sorry. I would BE SO PISSED if she were pregnant. And being 40 can be really tricky for a healthy baby. Ugh. Sorry, toots.
Post # 13
eh sorry to hear about this , I know it’s one of those ‘icky’ situations. I dont have any advice but i do know how you feel. My parents are divorced, my dad cheated on my mom for yrs though didnt divorce until my sister and I were in high school. We’ve had a turbulent relationship w him bc of it but about 3 yrs ago he really began making effort to be in sister/I’s lives. I’m 31 she’s 30 btw.
When we started rekindling our relationship w him he was dating a 35 yr old ( he was. 57) unfortunately she passed away unexpectedly and my dad took up dating a 25 yr old ( freak in gross!!!) talk about gold digger. I voiced my opinion ( in funny way saying gf had to be my age or older lol) he laughed too. Now he’s w a 30 yr old woman who has 2 elementary school aged kids from 2 diff guys. still baffles me
Post # 14
@lealorali: I think OP was talking about the difference in age between herself and her possible future half-sibling. So yep, you have indeed made yourself look like an asshole (your word).
Post # 15
I think you’re being a little irrational. You’re willing to ruin a relationship over an unconfirmed pregnancy? Even if it is confirmed why? Did you not consider that this could be a possibility now that they are a unit? I’m trying to understand your logic.
If she is indeed pregnant don’t project your animosity towards the kid. Take it up with Karen and move on. But what’s done is done. You have to accept she is a permanent staple in your lives now and changes will happen.
you don’t have to like her. But you should try to be the bigger person here and keep things civil. This is not a good reason to alienate yourself from your dad. Heaven forbid something happens to him as he gets older. And the last memories you had with were negative.
My dad is 57 and riddled with health problems and it makes me cry. Just to think of losing him. As they get older it’s a reality. Life is too short to be arguing over things like this. Regardless of the situation with Karen. He’s still your dad.
Post # 16
@soontobemrsemr: regardless of whether your dad’s gf is pregnant or not, i strongly suggest you think about adjusting your attitude towards your father and his gf.
i understand that his actions over the past 5 years was a lot to accept but he is your father. i am sure that he has not always approved of your behaviour throughout your 29 years but he loved you unconditionally and stood beside you supporting your every decision.
if your father is happy; if karen makes him happy; if having another baby makes him happy; that is all that matters. you need to accept this and be happy for him. you may not agree, but you need to be happy for him. would you rather see him miserable???
your father and karen having a baby does not really affect your life directly but having a poor attitude towards your father and karen will begin to indirectly affect your own personal life. negativity is toxic and if not eliminated, will begin to taint even the pleasant and healthy areas of your life. (think of it as a cancer).
i really do hope that you come to terms with the situation. it is 2013, it’s really not all that uncommon.