- 5 years ago
Bees, my youngest cousin who is 8 years younger than I just announced her engagement. I’m utterly humiliated 🙁
I am head over heels with my guy of almost a year, have a great career and am happy. I go to the gym, have friends, own my own business, am educated and well-read. Except that I feel like the biggest loser on the planet. I am 34 and I am the oldest of the 5 granddaughters in my family. There is only one grandson who is 2 years older than me, and he has been married for 5 years. So it’s boy, me, my sister, and 3 girls. We are all born in a span of 10 years.
My younger sister was first, got her ring at age 28. Then cousin #3 at age 24, then the next 3 all got their rings between 26 and 29 years of age. None had to wait more than 2.5 years. Not a single one.
We are all very close. My grandma, for our 10th birthday gave us all a ring with a precious gem that my Gpa gave to her during their life together. Most of my cousins and sister had their SO use THAT ring for their e-ring. Mine is still in my drawer, collecting dust. It’s a turquoise stone and just needs to be re-plated.
We all got together yesterday to celebrate. I adore my cousin. She’s actually my favorite! I hate that I am not happy for her. I hate that I am so jealous and watching what her FI did to my Gmas ring made me break down. I hid in the basement and pretended to be taking a Business call whlie I just cried.
My male cousin said how grateful he was that the burden to carry the family name isn’t all his, and he “thanked” me. I laughed and said something equally funny back, but I was dying. He didn’t mean anything, and no one thinks my “marriageability” is in question, but I honestly don’t get why I date men for 1-3 years and marriage never comes out of it.
My amazing Grandparents will probably not live or be well enough to witness my engagement. I hugged my Grandma last night and told her I can’t wait until my day comes. She said the guy who gets me will be lucky.
Just ranting, and I feel disempowered for doing so. I have made many declarations in my life. I completed Landmark Education where we empower ourselves to have the life we want. It’s worked wonders for my career, my friendships, my family and my romantic life. I have been blessed with my current SO and he is sooooo worth waiting for. But he is a scorned divorced man who admits to being gunshy about marriage again, although he says I am helping him see marriage as a positive thing again.
It feels so good to get this out. Thanks to all who have read my sob story ! Xo