- 7 years ago
I’ve been friends with “Jane” since I was a little kid. We grew up best friends. She began dating a guy (“Jack”) during her junior year of high school and I sort of got pushed to the backburner. Shortly after, I started seriously dating someone. We, as two pairs of happy couples, became a pretty good group of friends.
Fast forward some years. Jane is now engaged to Jack. They’re getting married in the middle of summer. And I am a bridesmaid, second in line to the Maid/Matron of Honor position behind Jane’s older sister.
I have been dress shopping and invitation picking and decoration making. I have been there for Jane when she’s feeling stressed about planning the wedding. I have given my utmost support.
So why am I terrible bridesmaid? I really, really don’t like Jack. It’s not just a personality thing, although I do think he’s phony and selfish and sneaky. I know Jane could get someone so much kinder, more generous, more devoted, and a heck of a lot less slimy.
The real problem is that I know about things Jack has done behind Jane’s back. Mutual friends have clued me into what’s gone down over the past few years. Once, while Jane and Jack were going through some issues, Jack made moves on another girl. He told her that he loved her and wouldn’t stop telling her about the size of his “trouser snake” to try to reel her in. He kissed another girl before that, also telling her that he was falling in love. A few months ago he spent two hundred dollars on lap dances at a strip club in a single night, then lied about it. He has thousands of porn files on his computer. He also joined some gross pornographic social networking site and listed that he was single and looking to play, which he only deleted after Jane found it. (This is the only thing she knows about.) I know guys look at porn, but I think Jack has an addiction or something. Sadly, I have no hardcore (double entendre intended! ha!) proof.
Jack lives in Jane’s apartment without paying a dime. She buys his groceries, does his laundry, and makes him dinner every night. He says he makes no money after paying off his car loan, yet he owns hundreds of CDs and DVDs and the collection miraculously keeps growing. Jane recently came into some money from a death in her family, and Jack keeps referring to it as “his” inheritance. They’re not even married yet! UGH.
I feel like he’s only with her because she takes care of him, not because he loves her. With Jane, Jack has it made.
I feel like being Jane’s bridesmaid is poisonous because I seriously object to her fiance. (I’m pretty sure he objects to me too, because he knows I see through his bullsh*t.) I want to tell her what I honestly think and of the stories I know about Jack, but I don’t think it will get me anywhere since we grew apart a few years ago. I know she’d continue with the wedding because she wants kids as quickly as possible, and this is her chance to do that.
What should I do? I am miserable about this. If this were a movie, I’d tell her and she’d break up with him and we’d both have happier lives. But since this is real life, she’ll break up with me and go on her so-called merry way with Jack the Jerk.
Has anyone else been a bridesmaid who distrusts and dislikes the bride’s fiance? What would you do in my shoes?
Thanks so much for reading this. Sorry it’s so long!