I'm a Big Bride and We Aren't "In Love"

posted 2 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 2
Member
2456 posts
Buzzing bee

LEt me see a pic of you <3 , I am doing a gluten free diet which will help you lose weight 

Post # 3
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee

If it were me, I’d bite the bullet and get the e-pics.  Practice kissing in front of the camera…laugh, giggle, turn away, then turn back and try it again.  If you don’t “look” in love so what, there are other beautiful emotions that pictures can capture. 

It’s a great opp for a test run.  See what you like in the pics and what you don’t.   It will be pretty easy to say you don’t like anything, but once that is done, go back and look again.  This shyness won’t go away.  But you can own it girl!!

Post # 4
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

You need to be very selective with your photographer. Find someone who’s work shows heavier set people and that they know HOW to pose them. It’s all about the angles and light, and ANYONE can look good if your photographer knows how to work it. Also, a good photographer will know how to create that “in love” look. I’m a photographer, and yes, most of the time it’s completely staged. The couple are stressed out and trying to rush through photos, but I’ve found things to say and poses to use that makes it look as if they are only thinking about each other. 

Don’t stress about all of this, you will be fine! Just choose a great photographer that understands your concerns and knows how to handle them. 

Post # 5
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

He should not be telling you that you need to lose weight.  He should be accepting of who you are and who you always have been.  I’m sure you are beautiful, OP. DO NOT let a cynical MIL tell you otherwise.  Get your engagement photos, have fun doing it, and cherish the moment.  You are so much more than a dress size.  Love you for you!

Post # 6
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

happyhappyhappa:  it sounds to me like you guys are letting what other people say about love, pictures, appearance, etc dictate a LOT.

Beauty, relationships, physical intimacy, love — all of that — it’s different for everyone and what matters is that you find what works for you. It sounds to me like you have an amazing personal outlook on beauty — reading your words about how you feel about your heart etc made me feel like your beauty was shining through as I read them! So PDA isn’t your thing — and you don’t really buy into the sappy, soulful gazes you see some couples doing in their pictures — fine! You guys are happy with what works for your relationship.

Regarding the photography, your appearances, how you interact together — I think you need to shut out all the noise coming from others about how you should look in your wedding pics or how you should behave together and focus on being yourselves. Have you heard of the website Offbeat Bride? Check it out — there are sooo many ways couples immortalize their relationship in photography — not all of them are super romantical looking. You do what fits YOU.

As far as bing “in love” — Do YOU feel like there is anything really missing in yoru relationship? Do you feel happy, satisfied, and believe 100% this main will sustain your needs as a partner (emotionally, sexually, logistically) forever, and do you believe that you will for him? If no one was in your ear about what you “should” be feeling, would you even have any of these questions? My husband and I didn’t have any real problems or issues before getting engaged, but we still saw a marriage and family therapist for about 6 weeks to have her walk us through some preparation and communication skill building. If you are actually questioning, maybe doing something like that would help you assess whether you truly suited for eachother.

Post # 7
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP firstly, tell your FMIL to shuttit and if your Fi is pressuring you to lose weight and you’re not comfortable with his pressure, tell him to shuttit too. You don’t have to justify your self-worth by way of the scale and the notion that you will “never look better than you do on your wedding day” is asinine. It’s not like that wedding ring has magical powers to rapidly age you and turn you into a crone.  Tell everyone to just shuttit.

Now as for the “not sure if you’re in love” it sounds like you are actually very much in love, and you choose to express that love in a very personal, private way. There’s nothing wrong with that, so long as you and your partner are on the same page (and it sounds like you are).  If you craved PDA and he didn’t, then that might lead to disappointment and arguments, but if neither of you are the kissing-in-public type, then you shouldn’t force yourselves to change that.  Be yourselves and enjoy being yourselves, and screw what anyone else says. Whenever you have those nagging thoughts about not looking “in love” enough, remind yourself of the other ways you as a couple express your love. Every couple is different. Enjoy who you two are and don’t worry about who you are not.

Post # 8
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I definitely know what you mean about the gazing into each other etc in photos! Our photographer kept telling us to look at each other “adoringly.” FI was great at it, but she kept reprimanding me for looking cynical etc. I just thought it was really funny and kept bursting out laughing. In the end, I still love our photos though. We don’t have any serious, gazing into each other eyes photos, but we have a lot of us smiling and genuinely laughing together. So I think in the end, if you just act like yourselves and have fun, that will come through in the pictures. 

 

As for the weight and body image stuff, I first would suggest opening up and being honest with your FI about how you are feeling. Weddings are stressful enough as is without putting undue pressure on yourself to lose weight. He fell in love with you the way you are, and will think you are beautiful on the day. 

Post # 9
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m currently struggling with body issues and I have my e-photos in 2.5 weeks. But, I’m not nearly as concerned about how I’ll look in them as opposed to my wedding photos. I’m 5’3, and I am a size 10 at the moment.

That being said, e-photos are extremely important. Not for reasons like having them at the wedding or using them for the Save the Dates. But, they’re important for you and your FI to get comfortable with the photographer and having your photos taken prior to the wedding day. I was definitely in the camp that because we we had zero plans of using them for the Save the Dates, we don’t need them.

But, after hearing about my cousin’s awful e-photo experience I changed my mind. And just for a little background on that. She’s 5’10, blonde, 110lbs, and what you would call America’s typical standard of beauty. And guess what? Her e-photos were awful. She and her FI looked extremely uncomfortable to the point that my Aunt was questioning if they had any chemistry at all, and they ended up hiring a different photographer who they are extremely happy with now.

So, I know that $500 is a lot to many people, but I urge you to spend it so you can feel comfortable and find out what works for you and your FI in front of the camera.

As for the “Kiss the Bride” kiss, you don’t have to have a makeout sesh. You could have a big hug and a peck. I’m guessing in that moment you won’t be thinking much about it anyway.

Also, I’m not sure what your feelings are on fashion and dressing yourself. But, if you’re comfortable, I’d suggest meeting with a stylist in Nordstrom (I’m only suggesting this store because I’ve had wonderful experience) and having someone help you pick out some outfits that will be flattering to your shape. (I don’t mean to come off like I’m overstepping here, or suggest that you don’t know how to dress for your body, just trying to help.) Sometimes all that’s needed is a great bra, and an outfit that highlights your shape as opposed to hiding it and making it look awkward.

Good luck!!

Post # 10
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The photo shoot is a good way to alleviate many of your concerns about being photographed so that they do not manifest themsleves unpleasantly on the wedding day. I think a lot of wedding and engagement photography is a bit of a creation of look of love by the photographer. Maybe you can do a shoot which is in a comfortable place for you. Your fiance sounds like he thinks he is helping, but he is not. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  lucyco.
Post # 11
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Getting engagement pictures done may help you feel more comfortable ‘looking in love’. I overthink everything and despite being very in love with my husband and people telling us how in love with look, I was terrified I’d look bored and distracted in pictures.

I was surprised how comfortable it was to kiss in front of a camera and easy it was to look in love with someone I was in love with. It was great practice.

 

Post # 12
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

happyhappyhappa:  DH and I aren’t that couple either.  We’re not PDA-y, we don’t hold hands in public or kiss in public or anything.  But on our wedding day, we were those people.  We were both so stupid giddy happy that nothing mattered.  On your wedding day, it will show – I promise.  I’m 5’4 and a size 10/12, I was 165-170 on our wedding day.  I have big hips and a big chest and I felt pressure to get tiny but it wasn’t happening – my body doesn’t do it.  I found a dress that made me feel amazing 🙂 

I promise – at your wedding, you will be glowing and all people will see is how happy you are!

ETA – The light from behind does my behind some serious favours here!!

 

Also – our engagement pictures had some gems, but many of them we were kind of uncomfortable and I don’t love a lot of them.  I told my photographer we didn’t want kissing pictures, we didn’t like them.  We have dozens from the wedding and she didn’t tell us to do it – we just couldn’t help it (and that’s not us).

This is one of the amazing shots from the e-session

one of the ones we don’t like so much

Post # 13
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you are happy and excited to be marrying someone you love, it will come across in photos. Don’t stress about that. 

As for your size.  I’m sorry. FMIL needs up eff off. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2, 12 or 22. No one has the right to make you feel like you need to change anything about yourself for your wedding day. 

Post # 14
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Everyone has great advice on the engagement photos!

I wanted to add that the way you write about your relationship left me smiling. You sound IN LOVE. We get to define love for ourselves when we meet that person who we want as our partner. Defining that love together is such a powerful thing. Don’t fall for the false narratives of what being “in love” should be. It’s all over the air so it is difficult. But you know what your love is better than anyone else.

 

Post # 15
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

I am not a skinny mini and neither is he. I am 5’3 and i weigh 185 pounds, I was very worried about my engagement pictures and even more so about the wedding photos. But when the time came for both, IT WAS ALL TOO PEFERCT FOR WORDS. I stilll look back and think “Wow!! I looked great!” And so did he. We aren’t the kissy type of couple, no holding hands, NO PDA or things like that. But the love we feel for eachother came across in the photos. Yours will too.

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