(Closed) Im a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Off topic, did they buy the $75 dollar shoes then or not?

I would talk to her and see if she would be ok with you doing your own hair, but still being there while everyone else gets ready. I don’t think that what she is asking is completely outrageous, but at the same time only you know what you can afford.

The other ssue I see here is that you were the one to say something about the destination wedding and now she has heard through the grapevine that you were unhappy with paying for your hair.Maybe she is just feeling a little like you don’t think it is imoprtant enough to spend the money on (which I am not saying is the case at all). I know there can be weird sister dynamics during these times, just talk to her and make sure she knows it isn’t that her wedding isn’t important, but you just don’t have the money.

Post # 5
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Baileyh:  How old is your sister? To me based on your post, it sounds like she hasn’t had to live too much in the “real world”– or her soon to be husband is well-off/comfortable– because regardless if you’re family or friend, brides should be considerate of costs involved. Honestly, I want my friends and family to be there… and if that means they do their own hair or they split a hotel room with someone else, just to share that day with me… that’s all I want. And even if I thought I was being economical, asking BMs to buy a dress in a certain budget, and one of them approached me saying they really wanted to be a part of the day, but that it would be asking too much, I would either reconsider the dress, try to help them pay, or negotiate somehow, because it’s their presence that I want, not just a person in that dress and that hair. To me, it sounds like your sister is very young or just hasn’t had the experience necessary to realize what things cost (day to day living expenses).

Post # 7
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Baileyh:  I am 23, so yes, she should definitely be more understanding or at least more aware that 200 dollars can feed you for a month, and when you’re living pay check to paycheck 200 dollars can make it or break it. What do you mean by a “social?”

Post # 9
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think $200 is bad at all. I know the traveling expenses are a bit rough, but this is your sister and it is her big day.

Is she wanting a particular shoe? Like do you all have to have the same or is she just picking a color and you can buy whatever style you like? If she is making you buy a certain shoe, I think that is silly considering that 2 of her BM’s sisters are not made of money.

The hair thing is silly, but in a way I can see where she is coming from. If she wants you all to have the same hair style, then she is going to want it done professionaly so it looks good.  Personally, I hate when all of the BM’s have the exact same hair and I think it’s mean to make them all look exactley the same because that costs money. Unless she is planning on paying for the hair, I don’t think it’s fair to ask you guys to pay for the style she wants.

But again, this is her wedding and you only (sometimes) get one. So maybe this stuff is really important to her. Did she say okay to everything you wanted on your wedding day? Did she have issues with the amount of money being spent? if not, I’d say try to talk to her about it but don’t push it.

Post # 10
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Baileyh:  I have to say I have never heard of such a thing. For charity, maybe, not I am not paying, then bringing a gift, then AUCTIONING said gift? Girlfriend, you go, you do your own hair. You do not pay $200. You do not pass Go.

Post # 11
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Okay, I just read what you put she is really indecisive and yea, she is being inconsiderate. Myabe she feels like it is Monopoly money with you and your other sister because you guys are sisters and not her friends. My older sister would choose whatever her friend wanted over me and my younger sister anyday, regardless of money, feelings, etc. She sounds like this might be her problem as well.

Post # 13
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Baileyh:  That tradition sounds like a “stag & doe” party…I live on a border city with Canada and they’re very popular over there…I also work at a boutique as a side-job and we have a lot of customers searching for gifts to raffle off. It took me a little bit to understand it, too, as I was really unfamilliar with it also.

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