im a bridesmaid in my friends wedding, what should i put in the envelope??

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

100 max.

Post # 4
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Hmm I’m curious about this too.  My friend is getting married next April and I’m paying for/making her invites, cake topper, and a few other items. Her and her FI came to our wedding this past April, I’m wondering if we should just give the same amount they gave us lol.

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

NJ?  $150

Post # 7
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

100 MAX total. I would haven’t expected anything from ym bridesmaids/groomsmen.  They forked out all kinds of money for my day, and to ask for more is simply selfish. But I also understand that not all people see things that way, so I guess the details depend on what type of bride she is?

Post # 8
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Where I’m from when you go to a wedding you want to make sure you cover your plate plus give a little extra.  Obviously you don’t ask the bride/groom what your plate costs so you just average about $100-$110pp.

The least I would ever give is $150pp. If it were a close friend I’d give $200pp.  If it were a family member I would give  $250pp.

PP = per plate … so if it’s two guests = two plates means double the amount

*** again this is the norm where I’m from (NY). whether your in the bridal party or not it’s still customary to give a gift. this is the guideline I follow ***

Post # 9
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

none of my bridal party gave gifts… they flew out for the wedding – took time off, bought dresses and rented suits, paid for their hotels and rentals– they did alot by just being there…i dont see the point of giving a gift on top of what they already put towards my day

Post # 11
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  $100 is plenty, make it a check. that way if god forbid something happen to the card box, you can stop payment that check and cut her a new one. cash lost or stolen is gone forever!

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I disagree with all these amounts being given. My answer, each and every time, is: whatever you can afford. Do not go into debt for someone else’s wedding, do not put your own goals/bills/priorities on hold for someone else’s wedding, and don’t overextend yourself for someone else’s wedding. If you can afford $50, then that’s what you give. You are already in the bridal party so that is a gift in and of itself!

Post # 13
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@xdaydreams05x:  I think you and I come from two very different worlds. Our families are not well off by any means, but even the wealthiest person we invited maybe gave us 300$ total. Which was more than expected. 

Then again I do not believe the gifts should fully cover the price of the wedding, and I don’t think our guests need to cover their meals.  They were invited because we wanted to celebrate with our loved ones, not make them pay us back for their food.

This is such a broad question I suppose??

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@jdashiell17: +1. A wedding is not a fundraiser and if someone can’t afford to have a wedding, they should elope. Costs are not always recouped by wedding gifts, and folks shouldn’t expect that to happen. A gift is just that – a gift! It’s a choice, based on what someone can afford, and is not expected to cover anything (at least it shouldn’t be). Guests are invited for the presence, not their presents 😛  

Post # 16
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Why do you need to “put” anything? Didn’t you spend enough money just being a bridesmaid? 🙁
I don’t know, maybe I’m weird… but if my BMs give me money on my wedding day I’m going to be very grateful but midly concerned.  Dont get me wrong, but didn’t they already give me so much of their time and spend so much of their money already? I don’t want to put my girls out, especially if they are working as hard as you are!

Your friend should totally understand any amount you give her, even $1 (or just a well-written card), comes from the heart.

In the end, you’re an adult and can give a monetary gift if you like. If you want to, I would say anywhere from $100-150 (total, for both of you) for NJ should be fine, but I’d go closer to $100… especially given that you were in the wedding party.
Use a check so that you can monitor the exact amount of the gift clearly in your checking account – but make sure that money is available in your account for when they deposit it! Plus, checks are easier to deal with in case someone steals their envelopes – you can just cancel it. 
 

@housebee:  Wow, if I had a BM who was doing as much as you are for your friend, I’d be giving you the stink-eye for even thinking that all you’re doing doesn’t amount to the best kind of gift anyone can ask for – a true friend and good support.

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