I'm a horrible, bad person

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2108 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you’re flagellating yourself enough, OP. I’m not sure what else to add…?

ETA: I lied. Reading about his inability to drop so much money on something so “unimportant,” as he said, did make me raise my eyebrows (not because of the $$$, but because he devalued something important to you).

Post # 4
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think your FI acted like an ass. The ring is very important to YOU, and his unwillingness to spend money on something that YOU value, yet dropping thousands on golf clubs for himself is very telling.

I see huge red flags here. I don’t have any real advice except that I’d tell him pronto that you’d rather pick out a different ring together. If he doesn’t see the value in spending money on something that YOU see as important, then I think you might need to pursue therapy before you marry him. 

Post # 5
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@beeinhiding8523:  He specifically went out and bought the exact two things you didn’t want.

How “sweet” of him. Yes I think you should be appreciative because receiving gifts blah blah blah.

But just because HE thinks it’s unimportant doesn’t make it unimportant.  Fancy golf clubs? Really?

This guy just pissed me off :/ 

Post # 6
353 posts
Helper bee

@beeinhiding8523:  I don’t think you deserved to be flamed… you feel what you feel, that’s it, you know?

It sounds like you’re just not happy that he didn’t get you a ring that was “you”. I bet if it was a cut and style you like, the size of the diamond woulidn’t matter…

Are you still excited to be his wife? 

Post # 8
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.  I think you are legitimately disappointed.  You thought you were getting one thing, and got another.

I think it is especially hurtful that he spent thousands on gifts to himself, but wouldn’t buy you the ring he promised because spending money on something “unimportant” made him sick.  What?  Since when is the ring that you give to the one person you want to have a relationship forever to show your love “unimportant.”

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think you NEED a large ring, but I understand you being upset and hurt.  So sorry!

Post # 9
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@beeinhiding8523:  the part of your story that floors me is not the size issue, it’s this,

“He said he knew he promised me a full carat or bigger but once he went shopping it made him sick to his stomach paying that kind of money for something so unimportant.”

unimportant??  unimportant??  it’s your engagement ring.  something that you will wear forever.  now you know where his priorities lie.

Post # 11
3659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not going to flame you.

For me, this would bother me because he didn’t listen to you. He got you a ring that is everything you said he wouldn’t want. Your ring may not be important to him, but it should have mattered to him that it is important to YOU. It was more important for him to get thousands of dollars of golf clubs rather than buy you a piece of jewelry that you’ll wear for the rest of your life. Now *I* may get flamed for this, but I’m not sure I could marry a man who thought only of himself.

Post # 12
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

You are not a bad person. You are just disappointed and, to be honest, I think I would be too.


Post # 13
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d be disappointed too, not only is it not what you want (in terms of cut!), he actually said he didn’t want to spend money on it because it was “unimportant”!?! 

Post # 14
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So let me get this straight…he spent a fraction of what he’s spent on himself for golf clubs for something you are going to wear EVERY DAY for the REST OF YOUR LIFE and also bought you exactly what you said you didn’t like?

He’s a selfish ass. And people, you can flame me all you want, but I would not marry this guy.




Post # 16
353 posts
Helper bee

@beeinhiding8523:  I’m sorry! I feel for you! I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel… I don’t find a big ring “important” but it’s really not great to get you EXACTLY what you didn’t want.

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