Post # 1
I am the worst person in the world ever.
I just got engaged last night and I should be on top of the world but I’m not. I haven’t even posted under my real bee name about my engagement because of this. I don’t deserve happiness, I don’t deserve a FI or a husband because I’m such a bad person.
We talked about the engagement ring a lot over the past few months and he kept telling me he would never get me anything less than a carat, I have always believed this because he is extremely well off. He’s very tight with his money but he does have a lot of it. He just paid out thousands in fancy golf clubs because he wanted the best, he doesn’t spare a penny on himself. I said the only thing I don’t like is round diamonds and I would prefer not to have a solitaire because they’re not my style, but in another shape diamond they could be pretty.
He proposed with a 1/4 carat round diamond solitaire.
He said he could see the disappointment in my eyes. I smiled and kissed him and told him that of course I’m not disappointed I was just taken back because it’s so beautiful and I can’t believe I finally have an engagement ring at the age of 34. He said he knew he promised me a full carat or bigger but once he went shopping it made him sick to his stomach paying that kind of money for something so unimportant.
I’m sure I will grow to love it because he gave it to me and that’s all that matters but how do I get over the pit of disappointment in the bottom of my stomach? I want to post here about the proposal and the ring under my real name and I want to show it off to people. How can I do that when I feel so upset about something so stupid?
Please help me bees! Or you can flame me, I know I deserve it.
Post # 3
I think you’re flagellating yourself enough, OP. I’m not sure what else to add…?
ETA: I lied. Reading about his inability to drop so much money on something so “unimportant,” as he said, did make me raise my eyebrows (not because of the $$$, but because he devalued something important to you).
Post # 4
I think your FI acted like an ass. The ring is very important to YOU, and his unwillingness to spend money on something that YOU value, yet dropping thousands on golf clubs for himself is very telling.
I see huge red flags here. I don’t have any real advice except that I’d tell him pronto that you’d rather pick out a different ring together. If he doesn’t see the value in spending money on something that YOU see as important, then I think you might need to pursue therapy before you marry him.
Post # 5
@beeinhiding8523: He specifically went out and bought the exact two things you didn’t want.
How “sweet” of him. Yes I think you should be appreciative because receiving gifts blah blah blah.
But just because HE thinks it’s unimportant doesn’t make it unimportant. Fancy golf clubs? Really?
This guy just pissed me off :/
Post # 6
@beeinhiding8523: I don’t think you deserved to be flamed… you feel what you feel, that’s it, you know?
It sounds like you’re just not happy that he didn’t get you a ring that was “you”. I bet if it was a cut and style you like, the size of the diamond woulidn’t matter…
Are you still excited to be his wife?
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I think you are legitimately disappointed. You thought you were getting one thing, and got another.
I think it is especially hurtful that he spent thousands on gifts to himself, but wouldn’t buy you the ring he promised because spending money on something “unimportant” made him sick. What? Since when is the ring that you give to the one person you want to have a relationship forever to show your love “unimportant.”
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think you NEED a large ring, but I understand you being upset and hurt. So sorry!
Post # 9
@beeinhiding8523: the part of your story that floors me is not the size issue, it’s this,
“He said he knew he promised me a full carat or bigger but once he went shopping it made him sick to his stomach paying that kind of money for something so unimportant.”
unimportant?? unimportant?? it’s your engagement ring. something that you will wear forever. now you know where his priorities lie.
Post # 10
@laughs: I feel empty.
The proposal was sweet but when he opened that ring box my heart sank and it shouldn’t because I should be grateful for anything he gets me. If a girl told a male friend that her ring wasn’t good enough I would be so upset for the guy and mad at her and now I’m that girl!
Post # 11
I’m not going to flame you.
For me, this would bother me because he didn’t listen to you. He got you a ring that is everything you said he wouldn’t want. Your ring may not be important to him, but it should have mattered to him that it is important to YOU. It was more important for him to get thousands of dollars of golf clubs rather than buy you a piece of jewelry that you’ll wear for the rest of your life. Now *I* may get flamed for this, but I’m not sure I could marry a man who thought only of himself.
Post # 12
You are not a bad person. You are just disappointed and, to be honest, I think I would be too.
Post # 13
I’d be disappointed too, not only is it not what you want (in terms of cut!), he actually said he didn’t want to spend money on it because it was “unimportant”!?!
Post # 14
So let me get this straight…he spent a fraction of what he’s spent on himself for golf clubs for something you are going to wear EVERY DAY for the REST OF YOUR LIFE and also bought you exactly what you said you didn’t like?
He’s a selfish ass. And people, you can flame me all you want, but I would not marry this guy.
Post # 15
I don’t need a carat, I don’t need anything. I just feel sad and disappointed that he promised me one thing and got me another. The golf clubs thing stings.
Post # 16
@beeinhiding8523: I’m sorry! I feel for you! I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel… I don’t find a big ring “important” but it’s really not great to get you EXACTLY what you didn’t want.