I'm a horrible selfish sister…..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FauxBoho:  Nah, you don’t need a kick in the pants, or deserve any flaming.  What you’re feeling is perfectly natural.  I’d feel the exact same way in your shoes.  It sucks, and it’s one of those situations you can’t do anything about now.  🙁  So ranting here is the perfect way to express your feelings.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

I would feel exactly the same way if I was in your shoes. She probably didn’t expect it to happen on the first try. All you can really do is focus on the happy feelings and ignore the rest. It’ll all work out! 

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You really can’t control when another person starts trying to conceive. She might have just started trying, but for a lot of people it can take months and years to conceive. They had no way of knowing what their particular situation would be. 

 

As for how if affects you, well, I understand that your wedding is the most important thing in your life right now. But it isn’t the most important thing to everyone else, no matter how close they are to you. Your wedding is one day, you are going to be an aunt for the rest of your life!

Post # 6
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think your reaction is completley normal. I don’t think you’re being a horrible sister – you are genuinely happy that they are having a baby, but it does throw a wrench into your plans. I’d be feeling the same way, and I adore my sister. I’d hate to think of having a wedding that she couldn’t attend, even as a result of her own actions, so I feel your pain. Hang in there!

Post # 7
Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My guess is that it does in fact have to do with getting to be 30 and starting to feel that window closing — accurately or not! Getting pregnant on the first try is comparatively rare, too.

And, not sure if you already know this stuff and it’s factoring into how you feel about the whole situation, but — you should be aware that depending on how this first pregnancy goes, she may or may not even be able to attend your wedding. She could end up on bed rest, or even just limited travel that close to the wedding — you said that it was destination-ish. Heck, depending on how accurate the due date projection was, you might even have a new niece or nephew by your wedding day.

I think it’s OK to feel a little bit bummed in with all the happiness — after all, you have to feel what you feel — especially since you know that these aren’t things you should say to your sister. This is exactly the place to air those mixed feelings!

Post # 9
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@FauxBoho:  because a) now is the right time for THEM, not necessarily you

b) she likely never imagined they would be successful on the first month – very few people are. she likely believed she’d be 3, 4, 5 months pregnant. 

i just attended a wedding where the MOH was 8 months pregnant – all was fine! 

Post # 10
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@FauxBoho:  the situation sucks and I’m sorry you’re feeling down about it. Maybe, just maybe it was an accident but she’s embarrassed and is pretending that it was planned? Or maybe they have been trying to a while but don’t want to admit it took so long?

I have no idea, you know them better than any of us. Just take some time to mope and let yourself feel down about it and try not to let it bother you for too long. 

 

Post # 11
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

also – don’t fall into the trap of ‘in the 20 year window she had to get pregnant’

it’s really 20 minus the time they weren’t

– ready

– wanting a child

– financially able to support one

etc. 

so no, i doubt all 20 years were exactly the same likelihood of her getting pregnant – it’s probably much closer to one or two years that they’ve been ready and wanting to expand their family. 

Post # 12
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You’re not a horrible person for feeling this way – I’m sure many of us would too! You only cross the line when you begin calling her out on it, ending your good relationship with her, etc. You know some of the crazies we see on here – you’re not like them!

I’m sure she didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try, and therefore be ready to have this baby so close to your wedding. But even if she did, then you have to trust that this was the right time for her and her husband – afterall, their family comes first. You have to respect that.

It’s a bummer either way though. Just be so excited that you have a lovely wedding coming up AND a lovely little niece or nephew – how cool to have such celebrations this spring!

Post # 13
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think what you are feeling is normal (and you’re also wise to not say anything IRL).

Just keep in mind if she’s really a planner, your sister may have thought it would take her much longer to conceive, as PP’s have pointed out and figured that she might be say 6, instead of 9 months pregnant.

3 hours away isn’t so bad and it is still possible that she could go.

Post # 14
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I find it hard to believe that you believe she purposely tried “exactly 9 months” before your wedding.

Do you even think out that far in your daily life? If you were trying to get pregnant, would you plan out 9 months from then? Probably not, especially since a lot of women don’t get pregnant the first few times they try.

I don’t think you need to be flamed, but I don’t think you need to be coddled, either. Yes, these are very selfish thoughts and it makes me shake my head, but you’re not a bad person for thinking them. Your wedding is only important to you and your fiance. Your sister’s life moves to the beat of a different drum and while this is a milestone for you, this is a milestone for her. She was ready then, and whether or not your wedding was in those 9 months really doesn’t matter.

Just because there’s a chance she won’t be there doesn’t mean she won’t.

Post # 15
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

@FauxBoho:  ur feelings r perfectly normal but remember her life cnt stop for u. U may hav to maneuver a few things around her but if both ppl r enthusiastic about each others participation in the wedding there will b minimal hindrance. The biggest thing is MOH dress needs to b forgiving and she prob won’t b traveling too much the last couple months. Other than that she is the same person that loves her sis and vice versa

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