I'm a Jealous Bitch of a friend.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you need to address the issue face to face. Not as a couple, one on one. These are things you said, these are feelings you hurt and now you need to fix them. Call her and see if she’ll meet with you so you can make amends and apologize in person. Not catch up, not a text that says “I’m sorry.” Just face to face and talk about it.

Maybe this person will forgive you, maybe they won’t. It really depends on how badly you hurt them. You need to be prepared for the possibility that they will not forgive you.

Post # 5
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I mean, you realize that it was not a good thing that you did and have apologized. I would definitely say you need to apologize in person, even though it will be awkward and difficult. Be honest. Tell her you were/are jealous (Is it because she is pregnant??) and that there was no excuse for what you said. Then give her some space and time if she needs it, but be there for her when she is ready. May I ask what you were being malicious about?

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@Shonzilla:  Yikes–this is a really tough situation. I don’t think there’s much you can do seeing as you have apologized already. The ball is entirely in her court as to whether or not she will truly forgive you. 

You need to tell your FI that you have done all you can and the rest is up to her. I think time will heal her wounds. I would just back off for now and let her come to you when she’s ready. I hope it all works out! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Shonzilla:  I think you just need to give it some time. Will you likely run into each other socially? Be pleasant but not pushy when you see each other in public. She may eventually come around. She has made it clear that she can be “civil” now. That really is about the most you can expect.

Post # 8
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Shonzilla:  Have you actually said, “I’m sorry, I said awful things because I was feeling jealous” Maybe she’ll be more understanding if you explain why you said those things instead of a generic apology. Honestly though, she doesn’t have to accept your apology. You might have just burned that bridge.

Post # 9
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

@Shonzilla:  “Sorry” isn’t gonna cut it. You’ll have to level with her and be honest. Something along the lines of, “I said what I said because I was jealous and the jealousy was causing me to say things about you that I actually don’t even feel in day to day life. It was so f*cked up, but believe me, it had way more to do with me than it did with you. You were just the scapegoat. I feel so horrible about it and think about it all the time. I hope we can start slowly transitioning back into being friends bc I miss you and want you in my life. I can guarantee that will never happen again. I have learned my lesson”. Etc.

You made a real ass of yourself, so now you’ll have to own up to it, say all the tings about yourself that she’s probably thinking of you, and try to move forward. It’s ultimately up to her. She may not want to rekindle the friendship, but hopefully she can at least forgive you and move on so you aren’t excluded from future gatherings.

Post # 10
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand you’re hurting, you made a mistake, and now you want to right it. Sometimes there is no correcting but rather acknowledging that needs to take place.

1. Stop the texting. Stop trying to smooth into it individually by sending a little hello here and there, and stop trying to glaze over it as a couple. Flat out call her, by yourself, because you are an adult. Leave a message if you must, and address each thing point by point so she can hear your voice and to show you are willing to at least talk with her without a keyboard between you. Ask if you can meet so you can LISTEN to HER and so you can apologize face to face.

2. Don’t make excuses for your behavior. Say you were wrong to gossip, you were wrong to not confront her directly, you were wrong to not share your hurts with her earlier.

3. Just because she said she can be civil doesn’t necessarily mean she is ready to hear you out.

4. If she’ll forgive you to the point of discussing this in person, you do so, and you sit there and listen to her say her piece first. She is owed that.

5. After she speaks, and only after she speaks, you apologize again. You reiterate the wrongs you made face-to-face.

6. After you’ve heard her out, after you’ve said you are sorry, then and only then are you allowed to move to the next stage of patching things up which is acknowledge the “why’s”…why you were hurting so much you confided in someone else, why you were hurting so much you didn’t know what to do.

7. If she still wants to be friends with you, ask her how you can best approach her in the future if you are hurt and need to reach out.

To make a full apology, you need to put her feelings FIRST, completely before yours.

Post # 13
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Leave her alone.  No texts, no phone calls, no Facebook.  She doesn’t want to catch up with you.  She wants you to go away.  

Post # 14
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Shonzilla:  You need to talk to your FI and let him know that this may never be made right. That you f%cked up and that you need to give her space and let her come to you if and when she wants. But as I said you really need to make your FI understand that you and her may never be friends again.

Other than that I agree with everything @Cornflakegirl: said.

Post # 16
Member
4395 posts
Honey bee

@strawbabies:  +1. She knows you want to mend the relationship. She’s just not interested. 

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