Post # 1
I’m not trying to sound like a selfish Bitch – so don’t hate on me too much please.
My 25th birthday the first week of August, and 25 is kind of a big one (to me anyway.) Presents aren’t super important to me but I’m a little hurt my SO didn’t get me a gift or really acknowledge my birthday.
SO was out of town for my birthday, but came back 4 days after. He’s never been really good at presents, usually he’ll ask what I want and go buy exactly that. I’ve always wished he would at least TRY to pick out something, but it’s at least the thought that counts.
He was on vacation with his family for my actual birthday, so I pretty much got a 2 minute Happy Birthday call at 10pm that night before he went to bed. That’s the only time I talked to him that day…
And then when he came back… nothing… no make up birthday dinner or anything. It was just kind of a big deal to me, and I feel like he didn’t even care about it.
It’s a month later, and I should be over it by now, but I’m still kind of sad. I know, some people aren’t big on birthdays but do I have a right to be hurt by this?
Thanks Bees 🙂
Post # 3
My ex was the same way and yeah, I never got over it. Tell him how you feel and if he makes an effort next year, he’s a keeper. My ex knew how I felt and he yet again did nothing for me again this year. Some people don’t think birthdays are important but if he realizes how important they are to you, he should change.
Post # 4
I’d just try talking to him about it. Guys can be a little dense. At least he phoned you… but yeah, I’d be hurt too.
Post # 5
mmm a lot of people will say that after a certain age, birthdays arent important etc but since DH and i always celebrate them i must admit id probably be a bit hurt too. but i would have said “baby (or whatever you call him) id like to go out and celebrate my birthday belatedly. lets have dinner friday/” as feeling hurt doesnt change anything, and doesnt let him know what you want. i also wouldnt dwell on it a month later, in the grand scheme of things its not worth getting upset about
i think the “i dont knwo what to get you so i will get you nothing or what you specifically ask for” is a cop out to be honest. a lot of men are like that though, so why not try giving general guidelines – eg “id like something warm for winter…a scarf or gloves, preferably blue” “id like silver jewellery” with a few details and encourage him to buy something within those guidelines that is still a surprise
Post # 6
I would be hurt to. It sounds like birthdays and presents aren’t really on his radar though. I would talk to him about how you feel and give him examples of gifts you might love.
Post # 7
My SO is the same way. The first birthday I celebrated with him (my 21st) I didn’t get a “present” from him. He did take me out to a very nice dinner, so I couldn’t complain too much. His family doesn’t go all out for birthdays and mine does, so we were both in for a wake up call and had to adjust our thinking to compromise. Now, almost 5 years later he knows that birthdays are a big deal to me (on both the giving and receiving end). We set a budget each year for bday and Christmas gifts, and he usually asks for a list of 3-5 things of varying cost that I’d like. He’s not great at surprise gifts so this at least leaves some element of surprise for me to see what he picks. Sit down with your SO and let him know how you feel about holidays and gift giving, but also give him a chance to express his views to see if you can reach a compromise.
Post # 8
My husband has never been the kind to get me gifts…on any holiday or birthday. he does say happy birthday and take me out to eat with our kids though. last yr he made me a cake…that i had to bake and frost…and make an effort to decorate…after i told him where everything was. after 7 yrs of being a couple and 5yrs of marriage..im used to it. my husband doesn’t think bdays r a big deal. if i want something…i have to tell him…so there is never a surprise factor…i love surprises. but he does surprise me with flowers sometimes. we have two children…so there is little room for gifts and elaborate things. guys just don’t get it…even after telling them. my husband grew up poor with five sisters. birthdays were pretty bleak. no cake or presents because they couldn’t afford them …no decorations or dinner at restaurants either. so im sure that’s were it stems from with my husband. for me growing up..bdays were a big deal. a special dinner, cake, decorations and atleast 5gifts. Next time give him options. when it comes to much bday or xmas and we have the funds…i give my husband 3options all the same price and he chooses..so it’s a surprise. sit down with your man and talk to him. calmly and. not crying and talk”oh poor me.”. Or just accept that he’s not big on bdays like i have. it doesn’t mean he isn’t in love with u. it just means he doesn’t get it. or why not buy yourself something special…why wait on a man for gifts.
Post # 9
My FH is that way too. It hurts. I still haven’t figured out what to do about it either. This year is a big one for me too, and I’m hoping we’ll at least go out to a nice dinner.
Post # 10
My DH did taht last week. He was so out of it on my birthday… he spent the whole day reading a book and barely even acknowledged me! I told him I was upset and he brought me flowers and susho the nest day, and then took me out for dinner and a movie and apologized a million times. You definitely have a right to be upset, I think you should tell him about it, its long past your birthday but he could do something special for you 🙂
Post # 11
I had 2 exes that did something similar. One didn’t get me a bday gift 2 years in a row “bc he was broke” – but had a full time job and could have bought me a gift if he had saved up some money instead of buying stupid shit like DVDs or whatever. The other didn’t get me or acknowledge our 1 yr anni “bc he was broke” – but bought himself a $1000 flat screen TV 2 months before our 1 year anni. The thing is, I did a TON for their bdays and our 1 year anni, etc. so it was obviously very important to me. To get nothing done in return especially when you put in so much effort is a real selfish slap in the face. I dumped them both and those were some of the primary reasons.
Post # 12
This is my best advice for ladies who have this problem. Give explicit instructions. Make a pinterest board with tons of ideas of thinks you would like that he can easily buy. Send him the link. Tell him anything he gets off of that pinterest board you would love.
Tell him what you would like to do, explicitly! “Honey, for my birthday I would like to go to XYZ restaurant and then to XYZ movie (or whatever)”. What is he going to say, no? Then go and have a wonderful time. Thank him for a wonderful birthday, gush all over him and even give him a little credit for it being his idea.
Eventually, he’ll figure out what sorts of things you like to do to celebrate your birthday and run with it on his own. And if he doesn’t, at least you’re doing what you want to do, right? 😉
Post # 13
@Paiger8: 🙁 I’m sorry, and happy belated birthday! I would tell him that it made you sad. I agree with other PP’s that some people just aren’t into birthdays, but it’s not his day, it’s yours, and if it means something to you then I think he should make the effort!
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@Paiger8: I totally remember your previous thread about how selfish and hurtful your bf is. I wish you would leave him already! You deserve someone who worships you and acts like it!
Post # 15
@Paiger8: You don’t sound selfish at all! I’d be super upset too if my SO did this to me. Although I think I’d make it pretty clear to him before hand that if he was going to be away for my actual birthday, I’d expect something special when he got back. Like other PPs have suggested, talk to him about it. And happy birthday for last month 🙂 x.
Post # 16
I’m not big on gifts unless it’s something special he came up with on his own. We share a bank account so it seems silly for me to tell him I want something and for him to go buy it, when i could just do it myself with the same money. But I do like cards and after my birthday (and Christmas and Valentine’s Day) passed by with no cards I just told him outright that I like to get at least a card for my birthday. Now I always get one for birthdays and holidays!
So like others have said, just talk to him about it! 🙂