I'm a little worried…FI and I never argue. Is there something wrong?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t argue with my man much. We communicate, discuss and debate but we don’t often fight. If you are happy then stop worrying!

Post # 3
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

wifetobee63:  don’t worry, when you’re actually living together, you’ll argue.  There will be some money issue, etc. that you won’t agree on.  Talking on the phone and six weeks over the summer is not the same as living together.  

No, it’s not weird that you don’t argue, but don’t expect it to stay like that once you move in together.  At one point or another, you will get into a fight about something.  Be prepared.  What makes couples work out, isn’t that they don’t fight, it how they do fight and handle conflicts that matters.

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I wouldn’t worry

when you live together the arguments inevitably will happen, as long as things are settled constructively all will be well.

since you haven’t had the chance to actually live together you are still in the honeymoon phase where arguments are less frequent. This doesn’t mean you will always argue or your arguments will be the same as the way other couples argue.

basically, as long as both partners are being heard, you will have conflict. Its when one person stops having a voice that conflict goes away completely. But this wont happen until you are forced to learn to live with his dirty underwear, smelly farts, and inability to place the dirty clothes into the hamper a mere three inches away. But on your honeymoon phase he is hiding tho from you so he wont scare you away and you are not bickering, because for now its cute… When the honeymoon phase is over you’re in new territory. But its even better over here

Post # 5
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

wifetobee63:  While I’m sure you’ll have disagreements and small petty arguments once you live together for a while, as long as you have great communication, I don’t think anything is necessarily wrong.  If you’re both happy and have a healthy relationship don’t worry! 

FWIW, In the 9 years DH and I have been together, living together for 8 years, I can count on one hand the amount of fights we’ve had.  We may disagree sometimes and have little petty “discussions” but hardly ever have full on screaming matches at each other.  Personally, I couldn’t be with someone I was fighting/arguing with on a weekly basis.

Post # 6
Member
3345 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

wifetobee63:  Yeah it’s hard to fight with someone when you’re in an LDR. You get so little time with eachother, why would you want to spend even a minute of that fighting. I do think that more fights tend to come out of issues related to living together. So you will be more apt to fight then, but that doesn’t mean that you will definitely fight. FI and I live together and we never fight. We disagree about things on occasion, but we don’t scream and yell about it. I think as long as you’re communicating and not keeping things inside for fear of a fight, then how you choose to communicate doesn’t matter. Some couples like to scream and yell at eachother to get their point across, others can have calm conversations about just about any topic. I, personally, hate being yelled at, I’m very sensitive about that and I will shut down if someone is just yelling at me. So, in turn, I try not to yell at my FI. We remain calm and have discussions. It helps that we’re very similar people and we rarely disagree as well. 

Post # 7
Member
6419 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think there is anything wrong with not arguing as long as you are both happy. However, if one of you is constantly giving in to the other to avoid arguments and is therefore unhappy than it’s probably not good.

I know you said you guys lived together for six weeks but that’s short enough that it still could have been considered the ‘honeymoon phase.’ I do think there will be a few arguments that pop up once you have lived together for awhile. 

Post # 8
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

wifetobee63: 

 Yipeebee:+ 10000

Your relationship sounds very similar to mine, I thought for a while it was odd but it feels so natural and we don’t hold anything back. Things just don’t get heated because we don’t let anything go too far without communicating our feelings.. I imagine when you’re no longer in a LDR with him things will be much of the same.  

Post # 9
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If it’s not broken, don’t fix it! 

I feel like the whole “if you don’t argue something is wrong” theory was really intended for couples who don’t fight because they lack the care/passion to even get into a fight and just accept things. This type of couple should not be together because they don’t care enough about their relationship, there is no passion. 

I feel like when you and your FI are no longer LDR, then you may see fights come and go. But some couples are just great at communicating and are both lovers not fighters. My FI and I are both very stubborn people so a little disagreement can escalate into a fight -but we love each other and hate to see each other upset so we are always quick to forgive and try to understand each other and keep communication open and calm. 

Don’t let other people tell you if a lack of fighting means theres a problem in your relationship. No one knows your relationship other than you and your FI. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong then yes- look into it. But if all seems fine don’t worry! Once you settle down with each other and the honeymoon phase wanes you’ll see fights come up. Maried couples see each other at their best and at their worst and you will fight. But if you love each other you will get past the fights.

In short – trust your heart, if YOU don’t think theres a probelm and you FI doesn’t think there’s a problem and you are super happy in love then don’t worry about not fighting “enough”. each coupel is unique! 

Post # 10
Member
7756 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wait till you live together, lol. A six week visit isn’t daily life as a pair.

Post # 11
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

There’s nothing wrong with it. DH and I are married and have lived together for 2 years and we never fight. We occasionally snap at each other but then immediately apologize. We disagree, but that’s different than fighting. Neither of us tends to sit on things, if something is an issue, we bring it up immediately. It’s not the best or the only way to be (I’m actually naturally a fighter so I’m unsure why something about him defuses my temper) but there’s also nothing wrong with it. 

As long as the lack of fighting isn’t coming from someone being submissive all the time, it’s fine.

Post # 12
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You sound like Carrie from SATC complaining about Aidan 🙂 As long as your man is your Mr.Big and not your Aidan, it really doesn’t matter if you argue or not.. just count yourself lucky for now and I’m sure you’ll start to have bigger disagreements once you live together 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

lol – yea – you’ll argue when you live together. No worries. 🙂

But in any event – the reason to be concerned for a couple that doesn’t argue is because it could mean that one partner is just being a doormat for the other. They never argue because the doormat never sticks up for themselves! That’s the bad side of not arguing. Don’t let that happen.

But if the couple doesn’t argue because they are just good at communicating before things excalate to an argument – that’s totally fine! No need to worry. Congrats on being more mature than the rest of us. lol.

Post # 14
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

My relationship is similar. We never have arguments really, and have had one, maybe two fights in the span of close to four years, living together a bit over a year. We have very similar communication styles and motives when it comes to living together, so honestly there isn’t really anything for us to fight about. Some couples just don’t have the need to argue as much. It’s neither better nor worse than ones who do,assuming we’re comparing healthy relationships.

I certainly wouldn’t worry unless there is some form of conflict avoidance going on, for either of you. Otherwise, just relax and enjoy the relationship. Don’t turn a non-issue into a problem. Staying together through careers, raising kids (if you have them) and navigating life will give you plenty of conflict, so enjoy when you don’t have any. 

Post # 15
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been with husband for eleven years and have never had a full blown yelling argument with him. I feel bad if i ever raise my voice at him! Lol. I think it’s aa good thing that we don’t argue! Nothing wrong with that!

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