Post # 1
Hi! First of all, I had registered under “notpatientlywaiting” a few days ago, but was having issues with my account, so I had to change it. However, I hadn’t had the chance to introduce myself as a newBEE, so I thought I would do that first before responding to a bunch of posts.
I just turned 29 and my SO just turned 30. We started as friends in college and two years later we started dating. We have been together for 9 years, 1 week, and 2 days. 🙁 We both graduated from college years ago, have great jobs, live together, AND even combined our finances years ago. (That was a hard time for us, but we managed to get through it). We don’t have kids, and although we have already done a lot of things backwards…it is important to the both of us that we don’t have kids until AFTER we are married.
He says I am the one and that he wants to marry me. And I believe him. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the only one he would/will ever marry. So why is it still so hard to “wait” for it to happen? I am driving myself crazy thinking about when it will happen. I want it already. I want to marry the love of my life, my best friend. I want to start a family with him in a couple of years. And instead of looking forward to holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc….I dread them! For me, they are just another day of disappointment. I try not to get my hopes up on those days, but my SO is already so thoughtful and romantic so it makes it hard NOT to think “this may be it.”
The most recent “it” day was our last anniversary (9/20). He took me to the most romantic place I’d ever been to for dinner. All day I kept telling myself to NOT get my hopes up and I was doing pretty good. But this restaurant was at a vineyard and it was so beautiful. We went walking through it at night with a bunch of lights around and we sat down on a few benches to drink our wine…so I started getting excited thinking it would be the perfect place! But…NOTHING. I ended up holding back tears in the restroom at the restaurant. 🙁
So, I found this site earlier this week and I am AMAZED at how many people are in my shoes. For the longest time I thought I was the only one in this situation and I thought I was crazy, pathetic, worthless for being so obsessed about it when clearly other women didn’t go through this. Without even knowing it…the women on this site have already helped me TREMENDOUSLY. And for that I THANK YOU! Feel free to message me or respond with words of advice on how to stay calm in this “waiting game.”
Post # 3
Welcome to the Hive! Nice to meet you.
Post # 4
@cupcake920: Your screen name makes me hunrgy 🙂
Welcome to the BEE!!!
Post # 5
Welcome to the Hive. Here you will find a lot of ladies who have been where your at. Fingers crossed for you that it comes soon for you.
Post # 6
welcome! thanks for sharing, there are lots of ladies who will give you company in waiting!
Post # 7
@mrssoontobeh: Me too! Now I’m craving cupcakes!!
Welcome to the Hive!!
Post # 9
@cupcake920: Welcome to the Hive! So nice to meet you…You have come to the right place! We will all be here for you while you wait :] Good luck!
Post # 10
Welcome to the hive! I am so glad that you are here! I am a Wannabee as well, and hope that you find truly inspiring and wonderful things here!!
Post # 11
I’m a newbee as well … and did the opposite of you LOL didn’t even introduce myself just started posting … I guess that’s part due to me having known about the site for a while now but for whatever reason never became a member and participated in any post…. Well I’m here now and feeling just like you
I designed my ring in this case and I know exactly what I’m getting haven’t seen the finished product and not keeping quiet about when it’s going to happen!!!! LOL…. I ask EVERY day and I’m on the verge of ruining my surprise but my BF won’t budge and insist that I will be upset if he tells me … so I’m here waiting hoping that it will happen sometime this month or next 🙁 …. I feel just like you anxious and going crazy so you’re not alone and trust me I started feeling weird obsessed and also desperate… I will tell you this as I mentioned in another post SO’s really do love the fact that we are super excited that we want to be engaged and married to them reassures that they are not only making the right decision about who they have chosen has their wife but also lets them know how much we love them J ( aww) …. I really want to marry the love of my life also and start a family with him :-)!!!! I CANT WAIT!!! The most amazing feeling is knowing you have found the love of your life .
Post # 12
@BeautyBox: Haha I’m like you – I responded to posts too but forgot to introduce myself!
Hi cupcake, and welcome 🙂 You are NOT pathetic! I was less patient than you – my fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years and got engaged a month ago. His philosophy on marriage is there’s no hurry to get hitched unless you want to have children (for some reason he’s totally cool with cohabitation but NOT with having kids out of wedlock) because two people can be commited to eachother without that “piece of paper.” While I agree that the commitment is just between the partners, I feel like marriage is a public declaration of the same sentiment and it’s important for him to be a part of my clan.
Anyway, hopefully this advice will help: since he has already said that he wants to marry you, I would recommend that you discuss it in more detail. You could propose to him! Or if you’d rather have it the traditional way, let him know that you want to marry him too, and that it’s very important to you. Be honest with him – let him know that you are trying to be patient but that the longer you wait, the more anxiety you feel. He might not understand how much it’s stressing you out, and if he loves you and is committed to you (and it certainly sounds like he is!) he won’t want you to suffer. My fiance kept talking about “WHEN we get married…” “WHEN we have kids…” etc as though it was something that would DEFINITELY happen, but some ambiguous time in the future, and I made sure he knew that I wanted us to be married too. He knew that we were going to get engaged but was in no hurry to propose because he didn’t understand how hard it was for me to wait. When I broke down and told him that it was embarrassing but the wait was making me crazy, he seemed genuinely surprised. Soon after that, he started asking me for ring preferences and we went shopping, but he didn’t buy a ring. He let things cool down for a month and then surprised me 🙂
Some people say that you just have to be patient and let things run their natural course, but I believe that if you want something you need to express it! He might honestly think that you can handle the wait since you’ve spent so many years together and live as a married couple would. He won’t know how you feel and what you need unless you communicate! Good luck hun 🙂
Post # 14
Hi Cupcake! Yay for those of us in long-term waiting stages- me & my so have been together for 7+ yrs. We approached marriage very similar to you & your SO. We talked about & knew that we wanted to get married, one day. We just talked about what we both wanted *together* in our lives & came up with a 5year plan. At the end of the 5 year plan our big goal was either marriage, or a house. I’m happy to say that next year is the end of our 5 yr plan & we have set a date- although like ya’ll we did it all backwards & I don’t have a ring or proposal yet. Some guys just need a little encouragement & nudging. For us the main reason we’ve been waiting so long is that we both had goals we wanted met before marriage (pay off debt, get his loans in good standing, financially stable)… I would say you both need to set some future goals both together & separatly & see where that leads you. It sounds like your both on the same page, someone just needs to set the wheels in motion! =)
Post # 15
@cupcake920: Welcome to the Hive! I’m with you. Every time my SO plans something romantic, I can’t help thinking ‘ooh this could be it’. But I’ve never been more sure than I am now, having accidentally come across a purchase confirmation email for THE ring. Hoping it happens on my birthday getaway later this month or on our 2 year anniversary mid-November. Either way, I feel so lucky to have found the love of my life. Good luck with the waiting game and fingers crossed your proposal comes soon.
Post # 16
@CoolBeans: That is what we have always said….we need to make sure we are married before having a baby. And he always says, “what’s the rush?” That, of course, infuriates me now after 9 years. I already had a break-down moment and told him he cannot say rush anymore because we are definitely NOT rushing into it. But, I am definitely ready to spend the rest of my life with him and I want to marry him and change my last name to his ASAP!!