(Closed) I'm a pacifist and i hate when my husband plays M-rated videogames, help?

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
6826 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Break up with him?

I don’t think its fair to say he can’t do a hobby he enjoys because you have problems with it. And if you already aren’t allowing his friends over to the house I just don’t see this being a relationship worth pursuing. Find someone whose values match yours.

ETA: Crap, I misread this as boyfriend. But this is your husband. Why did you marry him if you had such a huge problem with this? I’d just ask him to wear headphones and say you don’t want to play the games with him I guess. 

Post # 3
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would suggest buying him some headphones that he can wear when he plays those kinds of games and going into another room. If he plays them for hours at a time, maybe negotiate days/times that you’re out of the house or busy with a project so he can play. 

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

sarahpacifist :  this is weird. you’re allowed not to like the game and even to request that you a) don’t play with him b) that he keeps the noise down (whether he’s playing alone or with friends)

seems ridiculous though that you’d tell a grown man he can’t do something in his own home, and also tell him he can’t have friends over because they’re all gamers too. like, this hurts no one (with the exception being you don’t like seeing it/participating, which is easily fixed). if he were killing people as a hobby, or selling drugs…yeah. you can make those rules. a video game? just establish some guidelines. but you’re literally saying you’d break up with your HUSBAND over this? you’d probably be doing him a favor.

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think you are way out of line. You don’t allow his friends over to HIS house because they are gamers? Please tell me this is a joke. 

While I believe that your feelings are very valid, I think you are crossing a serious line. If you don’t like the games, don’t play them? It’s a video game. He’s not physically ripping the heads off of animals. 

Post # 6
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ask him nicely to wear headphones, or leave the room.  He shouldn’t have to give up his hobbies or his friends because of your hangups.

Post # 7
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

Tell him to get some headphones or keep the volume low. Or break up with him if thats your hard line/he wont do so. He’s a grown adult and should be able to feel comfortable in his house, just like you do. However, if no one wants to compromise, then it ain’t gonna work without a lot of resentment. 

But also….thats a VERY strong reaction to a ficticious game. Are you seeing someone about your anxiety? Not great on his part for shutting down your anxiety. Unless steps are taken by both parties I don’t see it working.

Post # 9
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m also a pacifist, but those games… are not real! Pacifism means you believe in non-violence and are anti-war, so spend your energy on real violence and fighting against real war. Games are just games, and personally I enjoy them too. I understand if you don’t like gore, but you can’t stop someone from doing something they enjoy that is harmless to real life people/animals. It will just make a bitter household. 

Also you don’t allow his friends to come over? Seriously?

Post # 10
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee

sarahpacifist : If the noise bothers you that much get him a set of headphones – my husband uses them all the time so I don’t have to listen to that garbage. I regularly argue with my husband over the amount of time he plays games so I would understand if that was your problem, but just because you don’t like the game doesn’t mean he shouldn’t ever get to play it. 

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

sarahpacifist :  Tell him to wear headphones.  Why did you marry him if it was that big an issue for you?

I think you’re completely overreacting by not allowing his friends over because they’re gamers, isnt’ it his home too?

Post # 12
Member
10195 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Do you have a spare room? He can game in there with headphones and the door closed. Compromise. 

If you are having panic attacks over video games perhaps you should address these issues with a professional. That is pretty extreme for a video game. 

Post # 13
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

They are fake aka not real video games.  If they bother you so much put a TV in the spare room and give him headphones  but you can’t tell him he’s not allowed to play & is not allowed to hang out with his friends.

Post # 14
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you’re overreacting. They are just games. Would you rather him be looking at and obsessing over porn (videos and pictures)? You don’t let his friends come over because they’re gamers? So, I hope it works the opposite way as well………If he doesn’t like something you or your friends do, is he allowed to dictate that your friends can’t come over and that you can no longer do that activity?

While he’s playing the games, he can wear headphones and you can go into the other room or run some errands. If his friends are respectful to you and your home, I see no problem with them coming over. You really need to pick and choose your battles. There are going to be more serious issues that come up during the course of the relationship. You can’t have the mindset that it’s your way or no way because being in a relationship is about reasonable compromise.

Honestly, if this is something you can’t handle and you aren’t willing to make some compromises, then it’s best to part ways.

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