(Closed) I'm a pacifist and i hate when my husband plays M-rated videogames, help?

posted 2 weeks ago in Family
Post # 76
2099 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m going to be real for a minute. I will probably get yelled at on this thread. But I am sensitive to noise. I would freaking HATE to listen to bloody violent games on the regular. I too would be bothered. Both by the violence but mostly the noise. I value my peaceful space. 

Why does it have to be so loud? Can he turn our down a bit? Can he wear headphones? I’ve seen fancy gaming ones. Do you have an extra room that could be the game room? 

Lastly, if none of the above suggestions are possible can you two work out a schedule of quiet time and game time? 

That said also, I would see if you can get to the root of the issue you have with the games. But I too have my limits. I can’t handle movies like Saw or anything like that either. It would stay with me for a couple days. And normal or not we can’t help it really. 

I hope it works out for you two! 

Post # 77
165 posts
Blushing bee

So many harsh responses in this thread. Being deeply troubled by gorey violence is not a sign that someone is sick or “needs help.”  More likely we who can watch depictions of violent death and depravity completey undisturbed are the ones with something missing.

OP,  I wish I were more like you.  Once I had a roommate who called me in tears, sobbing.  I thought she’d been fired or something. But no, she’d only seen a bird walking in the street dragging a broken wing. She did not need therapy, she was an artist and an extraordinarily empathetic, sensitive, and gentle human being. She even hated the Power Rangers. I admire her, and I admire you that you aren’t entertained by depictions of violence. I wish I were like that.

Regarding your problem – if you love your husband, try to accomodate him. And certainly, ask him to accomodate you. The headphones are a good idea. Going into another room is a good idea. Even as you accomodate him, you can discuss and debate with him about the merits of spending hours of his finite life watching depictions of extreme violence. He may see it your way some day. In the meantime, don’t take his hobby or his friends away from him – try everything you can think of to deal with it before you go there.


Post # 79
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I am an avid gamer and so is my FI. We play games together and have games we play by ourselves. I am also a survivor of sexual assault and domestic abuse, so I don’t play games with any flagged content. He knows fully well he is allowed to play whatever GTA/Silent Hill he wants because he is a grown man and when/if anything would be upsetting to me is about to happen he makes sure that his headphones are plugged in or I’m not there out of courtesy and respect. This isn’t an issue with gaming, it’s an issue about respect. You don’t respect his lifestyle and he doesn’t respect yours. I see little difference in if you hated drinking and alcohol yet he likes to party or brew his own beer. It’s a conflict in lifestyle and lack of communication & respect that’s caused this.


I’m not going to even touch on you not allowing his friends over because they are gamers. If that’s your ONLY qualm about them is a single hobby they partake in, totally disregarding their personality and other aspects of who they are, and you treat them with such disdain that you forbid them in your home…[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 80
577 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven :  I disagree, about being concerned for future children.  These games are rated for mature audiences/adults.  An adult is playing them.  That’s like saying that a husband watches porn – so you need to talk to him about whether your kids will be allowed to watch porn.  

OP – Regardless of the issue here, you are being controlling.  Not allowing his friends into his house because they enjoy a completely legal hobby, is being controlling.   You don’t have to like video games, but you need to respect that your husband does.  Find ways to compromise as per PP suggestion.  

Post # 81
577 posts
Busy bee

spontoise :  Excuse me?  What’s wrong with adults playing video games?

My FI plays video games from time to time, and sometimes I join him.  Usually it’s when the weather is crap and instead of watching a movie, or if a really good game comes out. 

I would love to know what your issue is with that?  

Post # 82
165 posts
Blushing bee

youngbrokebride :  well, it does matter depending on how you want to bring up children.  The porn analogy is apropos. I would want to bring up my children to believe porn is inherently degrading and that as adults they should not use it or accept its use by an SO – and of course I would want my coparent to join me in raising our children as best we could with that conviction. That is just a value I feel strongly about. I could see how, someone who feels it is unethical to consume depictions of suffering and violence for entertainment,  could insist on their SO being onboard with teaching the kids that. And peferably not doing so as a hypocrite (telling kids its wrong while doing it themselves.)

Depending on how strongly she feels it could be a value as serious as some people take their religion. Its best to carefully consider differences in religion, values, as they pertain to raising kids. Of course, the OP has already married this man. The ship has sailed in some respect. 

Post # 83
577 posts
Busy bee

TeresaBenedicta :  Yeah, I understanding teaching inherit values – but just because he as an adult plays these games, that does not mean he will let a child play games that are not suited to them, and I think it is unreasonable to assume he would.  

I will give another example – my mum used to enjoy watching M rated movies, playing poker with her friends etc. when I was a child.  These are activities she enjoyed as an adult and she was quite within her rights to – but as a parent she would do these things when I was in bed, and/or tell me I was not allowed to hang around because she was having “adult time”.  If her hypothetical partner (hypothetical because she didn’t actually have one) said she couldn’t do these things because it would be innapropriate for her child to do such things – it is controlling and doesn’t really make sense.  

Post # 84
165 posts
Blushing bee

youngbrokebride :  ah I see. I guess the question would be, does the OP objects to people in general playing violent video games vs. does she thinks it is OK as long as they are adults. Like, some religions frown on gambling. Southern Baptist, I think? If your Mom’s hypothetical partner belonged to one of those religions – and didn’t think it was right for anyone, even adults to gamble  – then your Mom’s poker hobby could be a legit issue when it came to raising their kids. Probably they would not be together to begin with if their values differed on gambling – but all kinds of “flaws” that are tolerable when it’s just you and your partner can morph into deal breakers when you go to co-parent.

If the OP doesn’t care that people play violent video games, as long as they are adults, then you are right it makes no sense to worry. She could just tell the kids its something they can do when they are older. 

I have friends who found a middle way with smoking. She did not want her children exposed to it in any way shape or form or have any concept that it was OK for adults to do. The compromise was that he could not bring a pack of cigarettes into the house. If he wanted to smoke he had to do it out of the house and never in front of the kids, if they were out together. As far as I know, this is working for them. Although in this case the Dad agrees that he doesn’t want his kids to grow up and smoke as adults – he is just addicted himself right now. Idk if it would work if one person objected to the thing and the partner didn’t agree it was bad.

Post # 85
11188 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This thread has received some flags so I’m going to close it now. 

The topic ‘I'm a pacifist and i hate when my husband plays M-rated videogames, help?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors