Post # 1
My wedding is August 18th. Our RSVPS were due on the 1st and none of my paternal family is coming. My family is huge. Both of my parents have 4 siblings. They all have children. I have 21 first cousins. Only two will be at the wedding. Of all of my aunts and uncles only 2 sets will be there. My grandparents aren’t coming. The majority of my family lives in FL. Our wedding is in PA. FI’s grandmother is 91 and blind (macular degeneration) and the only way she could be at the wedding was if we had it near her. They are very close to each other. My grandparents are much younger and actually travel quite often, just not for me aparently.
ALL of FI’s family is coming. Every. Single. One. AND they ALL have to travel to be there. Most have to travel further than my FL family would.
His family is about half the size of mine. I knew having a wedding out of state meant less people would come, but I never imagined less meant basically no one. I thought if anything, it would even the numbers. I feel really hurt. I understand the financial burden/time commitment it would put on some, but I don’t understand the ones who *could* come but aren’t.
In the last year I have been to 5 cousin’s weddings (none of these weddings were where I lived, I traveled for each of them). Actually, in my life time I haven’t missed *any* of their weddings. Yet, only two of my 21 cousins will be attending mine. I just feel very hurt. Having such a large family, I always assumed I’d have a lot of them at my wedding in support. I’m sad to see that when it really comes down to it, my family is only there when it’s convenient.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ImaStarr: If so many live in FL and you really wanted them to attend and FI’s family had to travel to PA, why didn’t you plan the wedding in FL? We planned ours in a city in between where we live and my family lives to ensure that family in Jax and friends in Orlando would be more likely to attend. I’m so sorry that you just got blindsided with this only a few weeks before your wedding. It definitely sucks but I am sure you will still have fun at your wedding.
Post # 4
@ImaStarr: I felt the same kind of disappointment you are dealing with now when I had a much larger number of “no” responses from my mom’s family. My mom shot down the idea of having an immediate family-only wedding because she “couldn’t imagine” my wedding without all 5 of her brothers there. So we planned a big family wedding in the city we currently live in which is in between CA (his family) and MA (my family) so everyone could attend. I was looking forward to celebrating with everyone, after all, we were pretty close and I’ve attended nearly all big family occasions, even after moving 1000+ miles away. Well, only 1 of 5 of my uncles came. 2 changed their responses from a “yes” to a “no” the week of the wedding (1 was very ill, but 1 offered no excuse) and this caused some stress on our end as we’d already given the final numbers.
But on the day of the wedding, I was completely focused on everyone who was there, NOT who was missing, no sadness or disappointment. My husband’s family was really excited to officially welcome me into their family and I gained my first niece and nephew! So much to be happy about!
After the wedding, I’ve been reflecting on what I need to do to move forward from the disappointment and don’t really have any advice about this part. But the day of the wedding, there will be so many other people there wishing you well, you won’t be feeling this way.
Post # 5
@ImaStarr: I’m really sorry that happened to you. That really sucks. I’m potentially in the same boat. My family is way bigger than FH’s, we opted to have the wedding here, where we live (not where either of us is from) because my grandfather lives nearby and is almost 99 and the only way he could come was if the wedding was close (and he might not be able to travel this far). His grandfather also has macular and won’t fly, his grandmother cannot fly for health reasons – they can drive to the wedding here. None of m other extended family live nearby so I will potentially have no aunts/uncles/cousins attending. I’m hoping they can manage it but I’m afraid that they won’t come. We chose the location that was the best option for the most people but it’s still not great.
Post # 6
Thanks for the responses ladies!
@beachbride1216: My fiance’s grandmother lives in PA if we didn’t have it there she wouldn’t have been able to attend. She’s the only person who physically could not travel. 🙂
@remijp: I’m sure you’re right! I’m really thankful for the family members who can attend and very excited to become a part of FI’s family.
@MsGinkgo: Sorry to hear you are going through something similar. It really stinks, but I’m sure it will be a wonderful day regardless!
ETA: I have no idea why it keeps making the font smaller in one spot ._.
Post # 7
@ImaStarr: Ahhh I am sorry! Look at it this way, either you can save on costs or invite more of your friends and co workers and people you care about outside of your family. It isn’t your fault, and it seems like a crummy thing to do to someone. Good luck bee.