Post # 1
Today, I showed my step-mother a photo of my dress, after she looked at it and told me what she thought I planned to tell her that when I pick it up, I’d love for her and my step-sister to come and see it in person. We didn’t get that far. The photo I showed her was of the shop assistant modelling the dress for their website (I hadnt taken one of me in it yet)…her response to the dress of my dreams was….
“wow, she has such a good tan”
my step-sister didn’t even say anything. I was so upset it took all of my energy not to cry so I never got to say I want them to see it…maybe they don’t want to? Or are they jealous that they weren’t there when I chose it? I’m so sad that they’re not excited at all about it. My step-mother seems to be incredibly angry toward this concept of a wedding. (I think it’s because my Dad offered to put some money in for it)
🙁 I just want everyone to be happy for me! Especially the people so close to me.
Post # 3
I am so sorry that your stepmother and stepsister were both so self-absorbed that they could not find it in their hearts to be excited and happy for you. From what you’ve written, it sounds as if neither could even bother being polite.
How long have you been a part of the same family? How has your relationship been otherwise?
Post # 4
@Brielle: We’ve been a family for 14 years! So a very long time! My step-sister and I have really gone through the sisterly stages of hating each other and now as we’re older loving each other! My step-mother has issues that delve deeper than being self-absorbed in my opinion. She drinks too much which effects her mood, she has had a severe heart attack and not changed any of her lifestyle habits, and her mother died a couple of years ago which I think is what really destroyed her. In addition, she was arrested for public intoxication and assault of a police officer and as such is in a lot of trouble and a lot of debt as far as legal fess and fines go. (PLEASE NOT: I am nothing like her – and these are only her bad qualities, she does have good ones too, and I do love her dearly. But I have a) more class than her b) more self respect than her and c) more maturity than her).
We have been through stages where we are very close, and others where we are not so close. I feel like I have just bad-mouthed her so badly. She has always been a fantastic step-mother and adopted the role well, being supportive and always being respectful of my mother’s role as well.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Wait, she said the girl had a good tan, what’s so terrible about that? She didn’t say she didn’t like the dress…?
Step mom’s are weird about their husbands’ (your DAD’S) money. She’s probably never going to get over the resentment of it. I would just avoid talking about the wedding with her.
Post # 6
@lealorali: But I don’t want her to feel unincluded…she has played a huge role in my life for 14 years! 🙁 It just hurt me.
Post # 7
Maybe she is just not that into wedding dresses. I’m not that into them, and I tried to make my dress shopping process as short and quick as possible. If someone showed me a photo of their dress, I would make a nice comment to be polite but to be honest I would not really care much about it. I agree that she was a little rude but I don’t think it’s necessarily a big deal.
Post # 8
A lot of hurt comes out of weddings when our expectations are different from our mother’s, fiance’s, bridesmaids’ etc.
You obviously expect and want your stepmother to be involved. It sounds like not only are her expectations quite different, but there may be an undercurrent of resentment (on her side). She doesn’t sound like someone who can meet your expectations.
See if there is someone else who would like to be involved. Your MOH, sisters, cousins? Yes, you want stepmum to be involved, but if she doesn’t seem like she wants to be included, there is not much you can do. If she doesn’t want to be included she can’t feel dis-included. I am sure that there are plenty of people in your life who would love to ooh and aah over your dress choice – and if not – the WB is here!
If it is any consolation, my mother is similarly cold. This used to hurt me a great deal when I realised it was just the kind of person she is. She is incredibly tactless… but usually doesn’t mean to be. When she saw a picture of my wedding dress on the model her first comment was that the design was perfect for cinching in my “fat” waist (I’m an AU sz 10). A few years ago that would have hurt so much but today I just laugh it off. Otherwise you would just go batty!
Post # 9
@BabyBrain: I’m sorry that you are sad but one thing that you have to remember throughout the entire wedding process is that it is YOUR wedding and sadly not everyone will be as excited as you about certain aspects of it. If you love the dress than you should try it on around people who are supportive and in your corner. I’m sorry you have to go through this. The dress looks great!
Post # 10
I’m sorry that she didn’t seem more happy about it. Some people really don’t get that the dress can be a hugely sentimental part of the wedding. =
If it make you feel less terrible about your situation, to the dress I just bought off ebay, my sister said “Ohh.. it’s kind of… ugly?”
I didn’t let it hurt me; some people, you have to realize, will never be the support system you wish they were.
Don’t let her ruin your excitement. If she wants to be uppity about your dads money (or whatever her reason may be) I’d stay away from her. She is only dulling your shine, and you deserve to feel like a radiant, beautiful, deserving bride.
Post # 11
That stinks! But I’m sure she’s going to have a MUCH better reaction when it’s her wonderful step-daughter in the dress!
Post # 12
@younglady: I’d just like to say, my dress is a size AU10!!! so proud of myself! haha I do have plenty of other people to support me and play along with my excitement…it’s just sad that it was someone so important and who knows how much this all means to me.
@Kat: Oh wow – that would so hard to hear! I’m sure it was a fantastic dress! I am realising that if she is going to make choices that make me uncomfortable to talk about the wedding then she will become discluded and she will have to deal with those consequences! Still upsetting though!
@BrandNewBride: Thanks! I jsut don’t want it to come to that time and then she’s jealous because she hasn’t been involved in all of it.
I think I will speak to my dad and let him know how I feel – maybe there is something more going on in their lives that I am unaware of. And if not, maybe he can give me some advice as to how to approach it.
Post # 13
I just wanted to offer my support, OP. You were so excited about your spectacular gown, and your family should share in that excitement (even if it’s just them being happy because you are).
My heart goes out to you, because there is nothing like having support and encouragement from your family (espcially when you’re making such a life-changing decision as marriage). I really hope that you all are able to resolve this for the better, and that you truly feel their sincere love and support for you (which seems to be the underlying issue beyond their lack of enthusiasm for your dress).
Post # 14
I’m so sorry about this. Please don’t let that take the excitment away from you. I know what you mean about wanting people to be happy for you. FMIL doesn’t know I have my dress I haven’t said anything because I know she is not going to say anything nice about it, and I don’t want to hear it. I hope you feel better, and that your step mother changes her attitude. Best Wishes.
Post # 15
@MlleFabuleux: That’s what I hope too – I just want to be able to act excited around her, and tell her about all the things that are happening in regards to the wedding! But that’s ok, I have two other sisters, my best friends and my mummy! 😀 It just sucks because it’s awkward to even mention the wedding around her, she just seems sour about the whole affair!
She also told me that the only reason I want to get married and have children so fast (I am only 21, will be 22 when we wed – but will have been together nearly 5 years) is because my parents separated when I was young and I want a normal family. That has nothing to do with it! I want to get married and have children because I think we will both make fantastic parents, we have done all that we want to for now…we want children young so we can travel later when we don’t have to worry about saving all our money for children!
Post # 16
I think you over reacted. Those are the first things they said, they weren’t thinking. No one said you ahve to take them with you, get some of your girls to go pick it up and go out to dinner after.