(Closed) I’m a saver, FI is a spender… Nervous breakdown in the making!

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Maybe try breaking down for him what a wedding costs? Perhaps he doesn’t realize what costs money and how much it costs. Or, if he does know, maybe start hinting — if we don’t save more we’ll have to cut back on X (something he cares about deeply, like the open bar or a particular dinner entree).

I feel for you on this. I’m saving most of my checks (after bills and rent) for the wedding. FI hasn’t been able to contribute much because he’s paying for school out of pocket. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that your FI gets his act together soon!

Post # 5
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FI is TERRIBLE if he has access to money.  Like we had an “extra” 400 in his checking acct that was left over from bills… not really extra, could have went to the wedding or something, but we went and got a Wii instead…Yeah I know I am at fault too, but he would have done it on his own.  When he was working at the bar he would spend like 300/night and he drank for free…how does that work??

Since he knows he is bad, he kept his childhood acct at a bank with NO ATM!! Thats right, this place is old school.. no atm, no online acct access, no computerized wire transfers….  Most of his paycheck goes in there… It takes a week or more to transfer money out of that account unless he physically goes there (an hour from our house) and gets a check from them. 

See if you can find a bank like that.  Or maybe set up a checking accout for the wedding and just put your name on it.  Since I am assuming you are taking that on.  Tat way he cant spend the money he gives for the wedding without you giving it to him.  i know that sounds like you are his mom giving him an allowance, but maybe that is what he needs.. I have a freind who is 30 and he has to have someone take his paycheck, cash it and take the bills out and give im his allowace..or he will spend it all, bills and everything.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Set up a joint account for the wedding then have part of your paychecks automatically deposited. It works great b/c you can’t really “touch” it. I mean, ya can, but it’s all automatic!

I’d lay out a big excel sheet with the budget, what the wedding costs, and what you physically need to save. It’s kind of a one thing or the other when it comes to the wedding. Neither of us bought unecessary items while saving for the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I was just going to post that Yahoo! article too!

Perhaps you can say… if your wedding is $20k, that you be responsible for $10k and your FI is responsible for the other half.  If that doesn’t mean much to him, maybe itemize things for him to be responsible for like the suits, the cake, his ring, etc. and not that he has to go look for all these things himself, but that he is just responsible for paying for them.  Be real about it but if wedding day comes and he doesn’t have a nice suit to wear, it’d be his responsiblity.

Sit him down and have a talk — in a nice, non-threatening way, of course.  No use nagging him (he won’t remember) and no use for you to be mad and frustrated.  Tis a good time to work on them communication skills we all need to develop in marriage.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I’m a personal finance writer, and more than that, my fiance is a spender and I am a very frugal saver.  Here’s my advice:

Set up three checking accounts.  One for you, one for him, and one for joint, household expenses.  Set up a joint savings account as well (and separate ones for each of you if you want).  Then, figure out how much your joint expenses are every month.  Things that are fixed – the rent, car payments, etc. are easy.  Ballpark the others – like groceries, and always, always over estimate.  If you want, you can also include other things that are paid for each month, but aren’t necessarily joint expenses (like prescriptions, or student loans). We do. Also include anything you want to put into savings.  When you have the grand total amount, subtract it from your combined monthly take home pay.  So, for example, let’s say your expenses are $2500 a month, and you want to save $500 a month. Say you make $4,000 a month combined after taxes.  That means you’d have $1500 left a month for fun.  You divide that by two, and you both get $500 a month to cover your personal expenses, any personal savings, and any fun.  The rest goes in the joint account and savings.  This way, you each have money to spend (or save) as you see fit, but you’re making sure that major expenses and savings are covered right off that top.   

Post # 10
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Are you sure the two of you are on the same page in regards to the wedding budget? Maybe he’s resisting because he doesn’t want to spend such and such on the wedding or on certain aspects of it and doesn’t want to tell you? I would be sure there’s nothing more going on than the fact that he’s likes to spend rather than save.

Post # 11
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i can’t budget to save my life! well, ok, i probably could, i just don’t want to. what i found has worked best for me and FI is the old adage, “pay yourself first.” it’s tempting to pay the bills and spend what’s left, but it’s more rewarding to pay yourself first. every paycheck, put aside at least 10% (more if you can—-if 10% is too much to start, start with 5%). that goes directly in your savings. then, pay your bills. after the bills are paid, go ahead and spend what’s left, guilt free. hopefully, there’s something left. pretty soon, it’ll become a habit and you’ll learn to live with what’s left. good luck!

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my hubby is like a big kid and thinks nothing of ordering stuff that costs hundreds if not thousands. if its not guitars its dive gear or camera stuff or computer stuff or cd’s or dvds (we have thousands of dvd & cd!)

can i suggest that a certain value goes into your account each month (or the wedding account) so that he doesnt even have to think about it – its transfered and accruing interest with no drama?

every month i put $700 into an account neither of us can touch until 1st Nov and this is our christmas holiday escape the families account – its painless this way

 

 

Post # 13
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Yes! Ask him for a check every month, when he gets his paycheck, that you put in the savings account. I’m sure your fiance doesn’t like disappointing you and feels like hell when he spends money he should have saved, and maybe he just needs some of the frugal in you to balance out the spender in him.

I am a bad spender, just like your fiancee. I just had no idea how much I should be spending/saving every month, so I figured as long as I didn’t over draft my account by the end of it, I was good. So, I begged my husband to set up a budget, which is actually pretty restrictive (in my opinion) but I’ve stuck to it because I had a new goal – a goal other than not overdrafting. It sounds ridiculous and I don’t think I’m as dumb as this makes me sound, but just horrible with money.

Post # 14
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I’m SUCH a spender by nature and my FI is a saver and just great with money – but I have changed my tune dramatically.  We started watching Dave Ramsey together (on FOX Business – I hate FOX but this is a very good show) and somehow, it was like a switch went on just by my FI having that show on television.  I just don’t buy stuff the way I used to and stuff is so much less important to me.

Dave Ramsey really helps you understand the whole point of saving – not just b/c you know its the right thing to do.  For me, this was powerful stuff.  He also helps with some good tips about building wealth. 

If you put Dave Ramsey on TV and ask your FI to watch it with you, maybe it will help him change his tune the way it did me!

Post # 16
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You should definitely talk about money before you guys get married, not just to pay for this wedding because I am sure this issue will come up again and again after you guys get married. I like the idea by ejs4y8 about setting up a joint account and contributing money to the wedding monthly =)

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