- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
The short short story…
My grandparents died and my mom inherited their paid off house that was badly in need of repairs. She didn’t want to sell because she wanted to keep it in the family. So she asked me to take over the house.
We verbally agreed to me paying rent into a joint account to cover the taxes and repairs, that the house would be inherited by me and my sister, and that money from the rent I paid in would be available for my downpayment when I was ready to buy my own house.
Skip ahead almost 8 years, I still haven’t gotten anything in writing (not even a formal lease), my father shows up at the house unannounced and claims he’s making “repairs”, money is missing 10k at a time from the account without commensurate value of repairs, and I’ve been living in a constant construction site for easily 6 of the 8 years.
This was the worst decision I’ve ever made. And I’m so angry at myself because I wasn’t saving as much as I should have and everything I had saved is gone into my destination wedding.
But wait, it gets worse. My father keeps telling my mother I don’t pay enough in rent. I found out the missing money is actually my father funding his stock market gambling addiction which my mother hid from me. And earlier this year my mother came to me saying she didn’t have any more money and was losing money on the house.
Because I love my mother and thought I was still going to get the house, I squeezed my funds even more and gave her more money and we agreed to stop repairs so that my FH can do them when he moves in after the wedding since the house is supposed to go to us. My sister doesn’t want to live there. Mind you the “repairs” my father has been doing are sketchy, unnecessary, and I never asked for them.
Well guess what, now that I’m paying even more the stop work order has been reversed and they are full steam ahead with new repairs. WTF!
My FH is ready to flip out because I’m really sad. Sad that I allowed myself into this situation and that my mother lied to me. I gave up on my father years ago.
So my FH and I have all our money tied up in the destination wedding and now we’re trying to buy a house to get away from this cluster. He moved back home to save for the wedding and living with his parents is not an option.
FH wants me to take them to court. But I feel like it’s throwing good money after bad and I still want a relationship with my mom. I know why? I have no reason beyond I feel family is important. And that’s my mom.
I’ve been seriously considering canceling the wedding just to get some money back. But I’m afraid if I do I’ll regret not having the wedding I want. I hate that to afford the downpayment and closing I’m going to have to take a loan from my retirement. And I hate that my parents think they’ve done and are doing nothing wrong. And the rest of the family feels like I should just suck it up and carry on. Including my sister who hasn’t paid a dime into the house.
I don’t even feel like a bride. I feel like a screw up. I hate that my father still thinks he deserves to walk me down the aisle. But that’s another post.
We put an offer on a house so were just waiting but it’s a short sale and they take forever. I wish my life had a fast forward button. FH and I are working overtime just to stay comfortably above water, with our normal bills, wedding bills, and to stay out of the house because of the “new construction repairs”. I’ve been sick at least once every month this year and last fall I actually had surgery.
This really isn’t what I thought being engaged would feel like. The only hope I have is that my marriage will be better. But I’m so exhausted and depressed. I know there’s some grand life lesson in all this. But the only thing I’m coming up with is never trust anyone especially family.