I'm a VIRGIN and….SO IS HE!!

posted 3 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 2
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

roser443:  First, congrats!  I think it is wonderful that you have kept that vow to yourself, and will share in a very special moment with your husband.  I could easily say ‘do NOT worry, or be scared’, but I know it is easier said than done.  

My advice is, THROW AWAY the plan in your mind.  I think the more you think it through, the harder time you will have enjoying the moment, or being comfortable.  And, well, you do not want to be a robot on your wedding night (we must do a, then b, then c, etc).

I think this will work best if you go into as relaxed as you can be, and with very little expectation.  The end result is to have sex with your husband, and have it be enjoyable, but that may take time (weeks, maybe even months!).  I am not saying that to scare you, but many woman have come onto these boards begging for help on how to make it thru penetration.  That is fairly normal, and my first few times were trying in that way!!  

I think it is a great starting point that thru self-exploration you know what feels good.  Sex may NEVER feel as good as clitoral simulation (also, very common), but you can achieve that sensation while having sex too.  

Slow and steady will be an advantage to you.  And, lube.  Lots of lube 🙂  Explore each other’s bodies, and enjoy those moments.  When you feel you are ready for penetration, try being in top to control how much goes in, and stop if it becomes uncomfortable.  It will NOT mean you are a failure, and will never enjoy sex, but not listening to your body the first time, and thereafter can cause pain/discomfort, and you even begin to fear the act.

I wish you luck!!  And, I hope this helps!!

Post # 3
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I echo the advice of the previous caller. Toss out that plan that you have made. Simply take the time and the privacy of your honeymoon to get to enjoy each other sensually. Wht happens , happens. What doesn’t happen will eventually happen.

Post # 4
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I am so happy for you!  My DH and I were virgins when we met and it has given us a special bond that we will never have with anyone else as long as we both shall live.  It’s pretty incredible. 🙂

Honestly, don’t be scared.  TMI but if you’ve ever been fingered, sex really isn’t all that different.  I was surprised my first time because it was so similar.  (Similar physically, not emotionally).  Also, don’t expect it to be mind-blowing pleasure or to last for hours.  This is your and your SO’s first time.  There’s going to be a learning curve.  The exciting part is that you get to learn together.  😉

So stop worrying about it and stop making plans.  The only plan you need is what kind of contraception protection you’re going to use (if any, but agree on this upfront).  Everything else will happen naturally.  Enjoy this time and work on making things spicier later in life.  Congrats!

Post # 5
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014



Congrat on the engagement. It will be fine when the time come.


I still remember my first time and ….. the time I took my ex bf virginity hehe.  he is shy too. 

So we didn’t have sex for 9 months until I think it’s really about time…so..hmm.. I kinda “rape” him LOL no j/k

I just slowly guide him and he just stay still on the bed… it’s easier to climb on him and… slowly progress..and it’s human instinct..so he slowly get it at the end 


Did  u ever watch soft porn? That would help you alot! Good luck and congrat.  When I had my first time at 16 or 17, my brain was blank… didn’t know what to do at all, I just freeze…. but it didn’t hurt and no blood like others told me… 

Post # 6
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

roser443:  You should both read the book “Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman. I had some of the same worries as you did before our honeymoon, and it was a great read. DH read it after I did.

Post # 7
196 posts
Blushing bee

You’re lucky to have that much love and devotion in your relationship, but I am a little concerned that you may be idealizing your first time.  I hate to put a damper on your excitement, but unfortunately, it won’t last very long (for him), and may be quite painful for you (if your hymen is still intact, there will be bleeding).  The best advice I have to offer is to take your time, enjoy each other’s company and intimacy, and allow each other to be comfortable with your nudity.  The first time is never great, especially if you’ve over-idealized it.  The good news is that it only gets better :)<br />PS: As you’ve stated, you both have anxiety problems.  I would strongly suggest that you try to relax for your first time.  The vagina is a very strong muscle, which will contract and make penetration difficult and painful.  Stress is also detrimental for men in regards to sustaining an erection.  So breathe, and remember that when the time comes, you have all the time in the world!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Bio_Chemist.
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