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wow....
you know, you gotta pick your battles. you can't get upset over every little thing, or else you are just going to wear yourself out. at the rate you're going, you're gonna get worn out real soon here.
Wow well sorry to hear she is frustrating you but I think she has a right to be upset if its your mistake for forgetting to put her card back in her purse. You should be going out of your way to get her card back to her. I'm not really sure why you took their card to pay for pizza in the 1st place. I havent done that since I was maybe 16....
I don't want to sound rude, but I would feel kind of used if I was your mom. Most of these problems you have with her sound minimal. If you're living with your parents, using they're money to pay for things for yourself - maybe your mom expects more of you as an adult...my advice is 1. move out (and you already are going to do that) 2. apologize to your mom
Well, I'd be pissed at you if I was her. If you take something from someone it is your responsibility to return and yes we all make mistakes but you should still be trying to fix it (telling her to come to you is not fixing it). Its time to move out. Also, its none of your business how your parents use their money, they are not obligated to pay for your wedding.
@bells: Sorry. Let me clarify. we were picking up 5 pizzas to take back for my family to eat together. Not that my FI and were using my mom and dad's money for our own date.
I did not say that I'm using my parent's money for anything. I said we went to go "pick up pizza for lunch after church." Um...it was for my WHOLE family.
and as far as "being more like an adult", I have my own car, I pay for my own food, I wash my own clothes, I pay my own car insurance, I pay for my own cell phone bill (plus pay for their portion of the phone bill on top of my own). So pretty much, I pay for everything EXCEPT for rent and I do everything for myself. I don't depend on them for anything and I am moving out so I won't even be "using them" for rent any more either.
And second of all, I pay for a lot that my parent's DON'T pay for! I haven't asked for a dime from them since the time I got a job at 17 years old. And if I did ever have to borrow money, as soon as I got paid I paid them back.
AND the only reason I said she could come to my work is because it is ON THE WAY to the grocery store. So it's not like it'd be a big freaking deal for her to stop by and get my card to use since it was my mistake. I'll admit to a mistake but being pissed at me and hanging up on me is a bit childish.
And I wouldn't expect them to pay for it cause guess what? you're right, they aren't obilgated BUT they said that they were going to pay for the WHOLE wedding. Therefore, when those words came out of their mouths, they became obligated.
It seems that almost half of your threads are big VENTS because you are super angry about one thing or another...
Also, you have a thread complaining about the fact your parents have been "procastinating paying for wedding" and a thread asking if "your diamond is too small."
It seems maybe you are stuck in a bit of a selfish rut, and maybe you could do some soul searching to get out of your self focus. The world doesn't revolve around you, and the world is not out to get you.
@MissDareDevil: I'm sorry, It just seems like lately it has been. I'm not trying to be selfish I'm just tired of being told one thing and something else happening and I'm tired of my mother talking down to me like I don't know anything
Wow. This sounds like one of those "emails/posts" that the events have JUST happened and once you calm down it's gonna be okay! Sorry that you are going through all that. Calm down a little and it will all be okay :)
OH and we are date twins!!! :) Awesomeness.
@mrsdavistobe2012: When you write stuff on here, just make sure to elaborate EVERY SINGLE DETAIL, or someone WILL jump to all kinds of conclusions and rip you a new one. I had to learn that the hard way, too.
Anyway, I understand exactly how you feel about the mom thing. I am sorry that you're going through this stuff. You're probably just worn out from living with her. Like someone once told me, two grown women absolutely CANNOT co-exist in the same home. It's like fire and gasoline. I am confident that once you move out, you and your mom will be on the up and up again. Just tough it out until then. If you can, try spending a lot of time away from home, or keep away from your mom when she is home.
Last week, FMIL offered to pay for half of FI's and my wedding. I never asked her. She just thought it'd be a great idea for us to have a fancy, plated meal style reception at a beach resort (so she can brag that *her* son had the best wedding of anyone else in the family). Well, I can't afford that on my own, and I wasn't going to turn down her offer of help! So, I began contacting venues regarding costs. I found and picked the perfect place, at a relatively low cost.
Of course, when I mentioned that I'd picked a place to FMIL, and told her about food costs, she acted like she'd never offered to pay a dime of it. I know my wedding isn't her responsibility, but SHE offered to pay so SHE would have something to show off to HER family. Now, it's like she never offered at all. Yes, I am upset! Who wouldn't be?! I am tired of people telling me they're going to do something, then not going through with it.
You have every right to be mad that your parents said they were going to something and didn't go through with it. If they'd said, "No, we can't afford a wedding." In the first damn place, then you would've never expected it!
@Pinksapphire: Thank you so much! I was beginning to think that I was the only one who have parents that go back on their word. It's just so hard!!!
To be honest with you, I'm just ready to go to the courthouse. We've only been planning this wedding for 4 months and things are already falling apart.
I don't know what to do...
And Oh my goodness! I can't believe she would do that! What are you going to do?
@mrsdavistobe2012: CHILL! O__O
If things are seriously making you THIS angry THAT often - get help.
@mrsdavistobe2012: Hey lady, you just gotta move out which you are already doing, and over time that will help to smooth things over with your mom. Right now it's clear she still controls and manipulates you with her words. Yes, you are still in her house and so this is expected, but you are resisting that, and so you experience this tension. The sooner you move out and truly stand on your own, the better for you and her. In the meantime, breathe, keep communication with her light and to a minimum, and continue to do as much as you can and then some to help around the house.
I'd be pissed off too if someone used my debit card and then didn't make sure to return it to me afterwards. You should be apologizing to her. It was irresponsible of you to forget to put it back.
You need to just move out... I think that would make both you and your mother a lot less uptight and stressed.
I agree with some of the PPs. after reading your posts, all you do is rant about your mom, or the size of your ring. sorry if she went back on her promise to pay for the wedding, that totally sucks. she might have very good reasons to want to buy a bigger house that you are not telling us here. it sounds like the house you are all living in might be too small for your family, or maybe she found a window of opportunity she could not turn away from. whatever it is, I feel like you're not really telling her side of the story.
you are an adult still living at home. if she really is driving you so crazy, maybe it's time you try to move out.
if you can't afford to pay for the wedding now, then do a courthouse wedding (like you were asking about in a previous post). or postpone until you can afford what you want. many brides don't have parents who pay for their weddings.
@deathbydesign: Have to agree. OP, saying you don't depend on your mother just because you pay all your own bills besides rent is ridiculous- once you have to pay your own rent you will realize that paying rent WAY surpasses the responsibility of paying all those other bills, and you seem to really take that for granted. All your other bills will be nominal once you pay that rent. You are coming off as super entitled. Take a step back and appreciate what you mom is doing for you!
@janie-janie: I honestly am telling her whole side of the story. The house that they are wanting to buy is smaller than the one that we live in now. The house that we are living in now is huge and far better than what the one they are wanting to buy is. I honestly don't know why they are trying to buy another house especially since my dad is a pastor and I've always heard living near to the church (buying a house near the church) is sure to end in disaster. What would happen if they decide they don't like my dad anymore and totally just fire him. Then where are my parent's going to go? It'd be mighty uncomfortable living next to the church.
@mrsdavistobe2012: ok, but that doesn't change the fact that you are an adult living at home and your mom is driving you crazy.
I think your priorities are out of whack. If I were you, I'd concentrate on getting out of the house and worry aobut getting married some other time when you can afford it yourself (or go to the courthouse if getting married right away is so important).
it's not your place to judge whether they should or shouldn't buy the house. it's their house - their choice. you need to focus on figuring out how to pay for your wedding
could you sit down with your parents and have a money discussion? be OVERLY CLEAR with each other, so each party knows what the other party expects of them. since you're planning the wedding, they may not be aware of when and where money is needed. communication is key--i went through a similar problem with my parents.
I can TOTALLY sympathize with you!! Im really sorry to hear this. I dont know why some mothers just cant be supportive and calm. Its just their personality. YOU just have to remember to breath, and when you have children.. DONT be that way. Much easier said than done. Just to throw it out there... I have been on a few sites now, and with the wedding my mother is getting worse and worse with her "attitudes" and on a site, I found that someone had recommended a book. called "Toxic Parents" I dont know if you read a lot or not. But this book is really helping me, and perhaps it could help you too.
GOOD LUCK with crazy mothers!!! :)
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I don't know what it is about my mother that just totally makes me want to go off on her. Perhaps the fact that the only person she thinks about is herself!!!! AND she's a total freaking hypocrit!!!
"Oh, we're buying a new house (to add more debt on top of what we already have) so we aren't going to be able to pay for your wedding" -Mother
"If you're fiance' is a man he can go to your dad to talk about it" -Mother -AFTER she said Dad was going to come to my fiance' about it!
"Oh wear that dress, because the skirt on it is longer" *condescending "because my skirt is down to my ankles" tone* - implying that I dress like a whore.
"All we need in the new house is a kitchen, living room and bathroom cause no one goes to their beds." *angry, pissy tone* -Mother
Every night I go to my bed, my brother goes to his bed and my father goes to his bed. My MOTHER and the smaller kids sleep in the back room (living room) almost EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!! SO SHE'S The one who doesn't ever go to sleep in her bed!!!
I'm so sick of her. Yesterday my FI and I went to pick up pizza for lunch after church was over and took my parent's debit card to pay for it. My FI had pockets so he had the card in his pocket. We accidentally forgot to put the card back in my mom's purse when we got home....She goes balistic just now when she finds out that FI has it in his pocket at work (he lives an hour away) and that I can't get it because I'm at work. (She's a stay at home Mom-therefore, NOT at work) I'm trying to stay calm and say "Mom, just come up to my work, get my card and use that and I'll get the card from him later." But what does she do??? HANGS UP ON ME!!!! What a witch!!! Gosh, I'm SOOOO glad I'm moving out of my parents house! I don't know how much more of her I can take!!!! She totally pisses me off. AND THEN she just has my LITTLE brother call me and say that my two other brothers have enough money on them to pay for whatever the heck she's needing "because we aren't responsible enough to remember to put her card back in her purse!!!" UGH! Aren't we human also? Can't we be allowed a few mistakes??? GOSH! Guess not.
Sorry about the vent. I feel so much better after typing this all out. Not really looking for opinions but any advice on how to deal with difficult mothers would be great.
Thanks,
Ash