Post # 1
Long story short: My fi anf I are paying for the wedding. there are some things my inlaws are helping out like the wedding will be at their house. so today i had a talk with my fmil and i was telling her that soon she will receive the invitations for the family because they live close. and she asked me if they were coming with name. when i told her of course she said “but what about the people we invited” i was in shock. what people you invited??? what you mean??
my future father in law has taking the task of inviting everybody from his side of the family and his friends. his side of the family is HUGE. he have 12 brother and sister plus a lot of nieces and nephews. i couldnt talk. my fi take the phone and tried to talk to his mom and explain to her that we are planning something small and we already have 50 people.
she explained to my fi that she understand but that wedding will in their house and that if we said anything to his father he will get really angry. im so pissed right now. dont know what to do. talking with them is not something realistic because my future father in law dont reason like normal people. i just feel helpless
Post # 3
Oh I’m sorry Magenta—Let me think about this for a bit and try to come up with a good solution. Just want to extend my support and tell ya to hang in there!
Post # 4
Oooh. That can get expensive fast, trying to feed all those people. I would first try explaining the cost of extra people, and then if he still won’t listen, is there any way that you can move it somewhere else? Public parks are often free to use, and would have more than enough space for the 50 people you want. I know it might hurt his feelings but this is very unfair to you and your FI. FFIL needs to respect your wishes.
Post # 5
I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice to give you at the moment, but I just wanted to extend my support. I totally feel for you with the whole extra guests thing! It seems to be something that almost everyone has to deal with. We’re 9 days out and dealing with it right now!
Post # 6
thanks girls… i dont know what to do either… i dont want to make them angry because they have help me more than my family… dont know what to do… i just need it to breath
Post # 7
Well you can’t un-invite his guests and you don’t want to make him mad. So, I guess we just need to figure out how to make things work with your budget. Can you cut back on the food and drinks? Maybe do just a cocktail reception afterwards with a candy buffett and popcorn buffett then your wedding cake?
I will add that I went to a wedding two weeks ago that was in the backyard under an oak tree. They had about 50 chairs set up for the family and close friends to sit in. The rest of us stood. It was very peaceful and I think it was a nice wedding. They did a cocktail hour with drinks, fruit/cheese. Then dinner and dancing after. I would say about half the guests left right after dinner. So it really became a small gathering.
Post # 8
*deep breath* this is were you need your FH to take control and a team front. Your all adults and need to just talk it out, FH needs to explain to your father about the position you guys are put in financially about the extra guests and just say, yes it would be great if they can come (which may not be true, or something similar) but our budget doesnt stretch that far. If you would like to pay for the extra guests, we can have them come? Soo as you lay it out in front of them his parents might come round.
Post # 9
Magenta you must be having a panic attack, as a bride with an extremely limited budget I can only imagine what adding those extra guests would do to the costs. Maybe you should talk to the FIL’s because maybe they intended on helping out with costs. We haven’t had any guest list problems but my mum planned on helping and I had no idea she was intending on doing that, we expected to pay all on our own. Personally I think the guests can and should be uninvited and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but I do understand your wanting to keep things amicable between the FILs. I’d say have your FI talk to them or talk to them together and discuss the fact that your budget just simply doesn’t afford that many people.
Post # 10
I am sorry that this happened to you. What is the estimate of extra people that they invited? Tell them that you just dont have the money to pay for the extra people. Maybe they will help out. Otherwise you may have to just bite the bullet and allow them to come unless you can find another venue that is cheaper than using their house. I hate to say that but it sounds like it might cause more problems for you to argue with them over it. It really sucks when in-laws do stuff like this. maybe they just dont understand how much more it will actually cost to invite those people.
Post # 11
Give all your FFIL’s guests the WORST seats and also insist that he PAY for any guests he invited. Seriously.
Post # 12
I completely understand. My dad is one of 10 kids. We decided to invite just his siblings and their spouses (which is 18 people right there!). None of my cousins are invited, which makes me sad, but if you invite one of them you have to invite all of them. I imagine that your guest list just doubled with all of the people your FIL invited.
Hopefully your FI can figure this out with his parents.