I'm about to have a meltdown….kids at destination wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: What should we do about inviting children to our destination wedding in Florida?
    Unless you want to offend guests & in-laws, you have to invite ALL kids to your destination wedding : (35 votes)
    33 %
    98% of reasonable parents understand if kids don't get invited to a fancy destination wedding. : (37 votes)
    35 %
    Don't invite kids, but include a note with the save the dates that has info on babysitting : (28 votes)
    27 %
    I have another idea....(please post!) : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have no children and am adamant that people too often act like getting child care is impossible; however, as your guests are traveling it’s totally rude not to invite children. Maybe you could hire a babysitter for the hotel if you don’t want them at the actual wedding?

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  goldgoldgold.
    Post # 3
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You cannot expect people to travel and not include their children in the invite. Older kids (maybe 12 and older) may be fine and trustworthy on their own in a hotel room for a few hours. Younger ones will not. Getting some leads/contact info on local babysitters will be very helpful, but making it mandatory for a parent to leave a small child in the care of a complete stranger in a strange town is unrealistic. Perhaps you would be better off hiring a couple of local babysitters to entertain  and look after the children as a group at the reception. If you give most kids something fun to do, they won’t run around and be out of control.

    Post # 4
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    That’s a tricky one because if your guests are traveling long distances or by plane, they are not going to leave their kids at home, especially ones under 7. I would imagine your wedding will be at least a weekend away from home for them and very few are going to ditch their kids for that long of a time. 

    I also suggest making it clear that your reception is child-free but also pay for adequate child for those that do still want to attend. You are still going to lose guests at bedtime but I don’t think that you will be able to get around that. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1894 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    who are the other kids? your friends kids? family members? I think that matters

    I think that you have the right to say no kids except immediate family or something but I also think those people might not come – but I would say that is sort of just what it is and even if you said kids were ok I bet a lot of people might be hard pressed to bring a family of 4 on a big trip (even at cheaper plane tickets of $250 RT that is $1000 just on flights + hotel rooms etc)  

    Post # 6
    Member
    1905 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Couples with children more than likely won’t come (if children aren’t invited). They aren’t going to travel 12 hours and just leave the kids at home. If you’re okay with less people coming, then do it. 

    But i do think there shouldn’t be any exceptions: all children invited, or NO children invited. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    7075 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had a child-free wedding, but I do think it’s different when it’s a destination wedding. Many, many people won’t or can’t travel without their children. Is there a room at the venue that could be used for the kids, and you could hire a babysitter or two for the evening maybe?

    I also think it should be all or nothing – I don’t like it when people invite only select children.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1303 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

    Rent an extra hotel room and hire a certified nanny.  I bet it’s cheaper than feeding all the children.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Scatterflowers22:  What does the reception room look like?  I would hire some baby-sitters to watch the kids in an area of the room that is in the same space as the reception.  I know a lot of parents who wouldn’t want their kids out of their sight.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    1905 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    If you word it that way it might seem like an option. Your kids can be at the reception or hangout in the kids room. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I don’t know.  I think the parents would be extremely rude to get mad at you for not inviting their children, however they would probably not come so you need to weigh the pros and cons.  I’m not inviting children to my destination wedding and no one has complained.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    42472 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Scatterflowers22:  Unlike some of the pp’s, I have children. If I were invited to your wedding, I would plan ahead, leave the children at home and treat ourselves to a weekend away.

    I can’t believe what a big deal many people make of leaving their children with someone else, especially of the grandparents might be available for childcare. Not every event needs to include children.

    I agree that you have made it awkward for yourselves by saying that some children can come. At that point it is then only polite to draw the same line for everyone.  You can choose the line- no children under 8, or only children of aunts and uncles or closer relatives.

    Post # 14
    Member
    736 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Scatterflowers22:  quite honestly – we are having a formal destination wedding and everyone invited was invited with kids. To me, the best part of planning this wedding was figuring out how to include and dress the kids – they will be so CUTE! And so what if someone happens to have a meltdown? It’s hard on the parents, and merely just annoying to anyone else. 

    I’ve also found that most children, even having a bedtime of 8, can stay up longer than their parents when they’re having fun. And, another thing I’ve found is that whether a parent is with their kids or not, most of us don’t stay up as late as we used to because we are just used to a certain schedule (ie. going to bed early and waking up early). The last child-free wedding we went to, we were still home by 11pm!

    As far as having a kid’s room, I think that’s an awesome idea! It’s a great way to spend time as a family and still be able to enjoy a wedding 🙂 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Our wedding was like a destination wedding for many of our guests, as it was in LA. Also, it was on a vintage yacht with narrow halls, steep stairs, and precarious railings – basically a disaster waiting to happen for kids. While we didn’t make a point of not inviting babies, we didn’t include children on any of our invites, and on our wedding website we mentioned that the venue is not the safest or most comfortable environment for kids.

    None of our guests with kids complained to us that theirs weren’t invited – in fact, I actually heard a lot of them say they were glad for some time away. Some guests brought their kids to LA and then got baby sitters in the hotel, some left their kids at home entirely and had an adults-only weekend trip. I could totally see people doing the same for a weekend getaway to FL.

    I really disagree that it is rude to have an adults-only wedding, even if it is destination. You have to accept that some guests may not come, if they can’t get childcare or don’t want to leave their kids, but really – your party, your money, your choice of venue and who gets invited.

    If I were you, I would stand by preference of having a swanky wedding without kids present, but I would be careful how I disseminated that preference to guests. For example, I wouldn’t tell your family that their kids aren’t invited, I would just say that the venue is very upscale and not appropriate for young kids. I would also go out of my way to maybe arrange a few babysitters in one of the hotel rooms for the kids of guests. And I would definitely not say anything if some parents have to leave earlier to tuck their kids in or whatever.

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