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Please Excuse the asterick language in the title line, but its the TRUTH! As some of you may know from a previous post I am a BM in my friends wedding and she has crazy taken advantage, so right now we aren't on great terms. Well yesterday she informed me that she wanted me and her MOH to get our hair, nails, and makeup done at this little makeup bar place. Ok, whatever. Then she tells me the grand total, let me just say OMG! I told her she had to be crazy and that there was no way it could cost that much. She apologized (which is a first for her) but said it was the place she really wanted us all to go. So I sucked it up and tried to think how I was going to possibly come up with that amount of money on a less than 3 week notice. I was so astonised at the cost that I actually called the place to make sure she was right. WELL, the price she told me wasn't just for me to get my hair, nails, and makeup done, it also included the price for me and her MOH to split the cost for HER to get her stuff done AND it included the $150.00 price tag to rent the building!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?! I am so angry, especially after everything I have done for this girl!!!!! I just found out and I haven't called her yet. This is really the last straw for me, I don't even want to be in her stupid wedding anymore, and I have already decided that I no longer want her in my own wedding!!! Errr!!!! SO MAD!!!! I don't even think I will be able to control my frustration with this one, ADVICE????
UPDATE: So I couldn't resist any longer and I called her. WELL OMG AGAIN!!!!!! She is such a B-WORD!!!!! I told her that I called the place b/c I "forgot" the exact price she quoted me, and that they informed me that the price for me ALSO included her and the cost of the building, which I was so not cool with. If I wasn't so angry I probably would have laughed, b/c her response was, "well yeah, you don't expect me to pay for that do you?" (long pause) "ummmmm...yeah." She then proceeded to tell me that she didn't see what the big deal was and that she figured I knew, b/c its expected that the BM and MOH pay for everything for the bride, (LIKE HELL WE DO!!) This girl is so off her rocker. She has turned into the prototypical Bridezilla. We have been friends FOREVER and I was so excited when she got engaged, now I can't wait til this damn thing is over! How in the world does a wedding turn a normally cheerful, laidback, fun girl into a monster!!!
Call her out on her BS. Seriously. That's taking advantage. It is not your responsibility to pay for her or to rent out the friggin place. If anything she should be paying for you as a BM gift. She sounds like a real b***h. Don't put her in your wedding.
Well, I don't know much about what being a BM entails and what you're expected to pay for, but I'd be pretty pissed too.
Sorry I can't really give any useful advice! :/
I would tell her that you called the place to ask them questions about getting your hair done and that they gave you the correct price for getting your hair, nails and makeup done. And pay that. I wouldn't pay the cost for her to get her stuff done and to rent the place. That is not your responsibility as part of the bridal party. This girl has some nerve!
I would never plan for my Bridesmaid to pay for MY hair, nails and make-up.
Their own maybe if i can't afford it.. but mine too thats crazy you need to tell her shes crazy!
Oh, I would call her out on this also. Not necessarily in anger, but in a firm, no nonsence tone. Unbelievable that she would do that.
Hi I would tell her that u do not want to be in her wedding because u r there to support her but not finacially and u do not appreciate being treated that way and to find someone else! I got so mad at her when I read ur post and I don't even know her or u
I would call her out on it and say that it was really rude of her to include her spa crap without informing you that you would be paying. She should be paying for you if anything!
Not cool.
I'd either tell her you were checking the place out and they told you a different price.... and see what her response is.....if she tries to lie she's basically stealing from you.
or I'd just say you know it would be fun to get your hair done together but you'd rather get it done someplace else and you'll meet her there for her appointment.
I'm trying to get over something like this, just as a guest in a wedding I was thrown a huge last minute cost (like a 500 cost). Even though I sucked it up I feel like a biatch because neither one of us has talked about it and I haven't been able to get over it because I feel like I can't trust her though I think some girls just get bride brain really bad because she's sort of a nice person.
A friend of mine is a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bride told the entire wedding party (guys and girls) that for a wedding shower present she wanted them all to pay for the DJ! That's over $2,000 split between 8 people. For my friend and her husband (a groomsmen) that would be $500.
Some people have no sense of what is appropriate or acceptable behavior.
wow. just ... wow. what a total F*tard.
seriously call her out on that one. dont let her get away with it. and i would refuse to pay for anything over the price it takes for you ALONE to get your stuff done, IF THAT.
personally i would have quit a while ago but thats me....
WTF? That's just retarded. I'd tell her you called and asked and see what she says.
I'm guessing that the MOH doesn't know she's splitting the cost. I would tell by just texting/emailing/calling her and saying that you called the salon and then ask her if she knew what the cost quoted by the bride included. She may be as upset as you. Then, I would confront the bride and tell her that you're willing to pay for the price of your own hair and makeup but not for hers or the rental fee.
be clear and concise about what you found out and see what she comes back with .. i wouldn't write her off just yet. But if she makes excuses? Then you know she has gone completely bonkers.
I really like the suggestion to call her up and say "I was really surprised by the prices so I called the place and ask if there were any other options and they gave me a price of $X to get all three done so that's what I'm going to do because it's all I can afford".. and see what she says. Also, if you are close with the MOH you should call her and give her a head's up on what's going down.
Wow! I can't believe she was that presumptious! I would confront her about it as well, but like the PP said...not in an angry way. Just a matter of fact, "I called the salon, and they let me know it would be $XX." You're absolutely not obligated to pay for her hair, makeup, nails, etc as well as the cost of renting out the place! My mouth is still on the floor.
I agree with the suggestion to call her up and tell her the price they quoted you for your hair/nails/make-up. Act like you don't realize she included herself and the rental in the price she gave you and see what she says.
Also, please update us on her response!
BM is expected, if bride isn't picking up the tab, to pay for her own dress and wedding day hair/make-up. However, a bride isn't suppose to dictate where to get those services done, so a BM can do it herself if she wants. Most definitely, HOWEVER, a bride is not entitled to have her BM pay. Bachelorette party, yes - shower, probably - but hair and make-up, HELL TO THE NO!
I'd tell her that you are doing your own thing and if she doesn't like it, then I'd back out and sell the dress. Bottom line... GL.
That situation is ridiculous. I would not want to be in her wedding and I definitely would not want her to be in mine. She wasn't even up front with you. If she is having financial difficulties she should have asked you all if you wouldn't mind splitting the cost. To expect it and to try to trick you into it is preposterous. I would get away from that situation immediately.
wow--what gets me is that she's being deceitful about it. you are supposed to be her close friends not a con victim! yikes...
as a bride you cant purchase things/book services and charge your bm's. that is just wrong. Explain you can't pay for it. Tell her what you can pay for - hair OR nails. She may care more about 1 than the other. If you can, ask her mother or grandmother or someone if they'd like to chip in to pay for her services.
WOW!!! This is like the icing on the cake. You've really been a great BM and now it's VERY clear that she's just fleecing you and has an entitled attitude. Good thing you're a smart cookie and did the investigative work. Now I'm sure you're seeing what kind of friend she really is.
Firefighterswife... I think that you're method is just great! After getting an explanation from her about the price discrepancy then just call her a$$ out! Tell her you know what she's up to and how selfish she is being. She can go to the appointment alone and expect to pick up her own tab. Hopefully she somewhat appologize for her crappy behavior and blatant disrespect. If she doesn't and freaks out on you again... then maybe you should consider stepping down.
You need to inform her that she is confused about the roles of bm and moh, that is crazy you two should not be made to pay for her day of styling. If you wanted to do it as a gift that would be totally different and generously done outside of your duties.
I have never heard of a bride requiring her party to pay for her wedding make up and hair. Now I have heard of the bride volunteering to pay for her bridal party's make up and or hair as a gift, but even that isn't required. That is really underhanded to try to sneak in the cost of her own styling on the bridal party, very sneaky and tacky.
Where in the world would she get an idea like that? I've never heard of such a thing! If I were you, I would drop out of the wedding unless she agrees that she needs to pay for her own hair, makeup and nails. I just don't understand this one.
Oh my GOSH!! I don't blame you at all for your use of the B-word! That's awful. On this one, just say no, in a patient way, but still a firm no. I have never heard of anything close to that and I am shocked that she would take advantage of you like that.
Im so sorry you have to deal with this! I have never heard of any BM's or MOH paying for the brides hair and makeup. If anything, its THE OTHER WAY AROUND! You should tell her that she needs to talk to whoever is paying for the wedding and fit it into her budget to get her hair done. have you talked to the MOH to see what she thinks? To be honest, Id just tell her sorry, cant afford it and do your own hair and makeup.
That's awful. You should not have to pay for her. It's one thing to pay for the bridal party to pay for food at the bridal shower if they are technically throwing it, or buy SOME of her drinks at a bachelorette party, but that's ridiculous. If anything, she should be paying for all of you, not the other way around.
Yeah, tell her you can't afford it. It's not an option and you're not budging. I don't even care if you can afford to pay it—it's the principle of the matter! If she's hell-bent on you having your hair professionally styled, tell her you'll find someone to do your hair for you and you'll meet up with the rest of the girls later that morning.
Doesn't she understand that she's actually under MORE obligation to pay for YOUR services, not vice-versa? She needs to put the crack pipe down.
God help that man she's marrying. She sounds like a total troll.
You and the MOH should get together on this. The bride is being totally unreasonable and selfish. I would simply tell her that you had already planned on how you would take care of your hair, nails, etc. which would also work with your budget.
Girls TRUST me, I made it VERY clear to her that I would not be paying for anything for her. I'm not going to back out of the wedding but I am returning her wedding present (I know that's petty but its sure gonna make me happy!). I will be sure to keep ya'll updated on any of her other craziness!!
Just saw your update. Insane. How much did you pay for your bridesmaids dress? Are you sure the price for her wedding gown wasn't somehow included? 
It would be helpful to get MOH in the same boat. However, with or without MOH, congratz on putting ur foot down. As a matter of fact, the bride often pays for BM's hair, makeup, nails & accessories if it's the bride's decision to force them to have that certain service or look.
@Firefighterswife - hahaha!!! The dress was like $200.00 which I thought was ridic but at least I saw the receipt on that one!!!!
LOL I love that you are going to return the gift. It's slightly rude but well-deserved. I know I would've done the same if I were in your situation. You can get through this! Take deep breaths and keep telling yourself that you can overcome! :)
LMAO returning the gift - that's hilarious. After paying for a $200 dress and hearing about all you've gone through, I might have done that too.
i thought it was the other way around. if she's able, isn't the bride supposed to pay for the hair/makeup/nails of the bridesmaids?? That sounds terrible. I'd be PO'ed.
I was always told that if the BM bought the dresses than the bride would cover hair and/or makeup. She is crazy.
I bought my bridesmaids shoes, dresses and jewelry. And I am giving them the option of getting their hair and makeup done. (Most of my bridesmaids can do their own hair and it looks like a professional did it!) Even then it would be cheaper for them to pair for their own hair and makeup compared to what the outfit cost!
Good for you for standing up to her and love that you returned the present. If I am correct that this means you're not getting her a gift (besides dealing with her), I am curious what her response to that will be!
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