I'm adopted, ask anything

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

An uncle of mine is adopted and never knew or looked for his birth mother. But when he turned 30, she reached out and contacted him. I guess that was her plan all along, to wait until he was old enough to handle her coming back into her life as she saw it. He now has a relationship with her and her two children (his half-brother and half-sister). Do you ever think of something like this being a possibility for you? How would you handle it?

His parents were very accepting about it but they don’t have his parents and his birth mother over at the same events (ex. their children’s birthdays etc). It also was very hard on his sister (also adopted) who had tracked down and found her birth mother – who wanted nothing to do with her.

I personally think it’s great that your parents were always open with you about your adoption. They sound very loving and supportive.

As a child did you ever have issues with other children knowing you were adopted/giving you a hard time about it? If so how did you handle it? I think it’s becoming more and more common now that hopefully children wouldn’t endure any stigma for “being adopted” but I know when I was a child there sure seemed to be a bit of bullying/cruelty about it between kids.

Post # 4
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Misswhowedding: Props to you for doing this! I’m also adopted, but I think the majority of people considering adoption now are probably not looking at private adoptions, so. Very interesting, though 🙂

Post # 7
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Misswhowedding:  Im adopted too! Very similar story,

adopted as a newborn/private adoption.

Same too with my parents. I am super close with my (adoptive) parents, who have been very supportive in anything and everything I do.

I have one adopted sibling (through an agency, international adoption)

I also always knew I was adopted. It was just a fact growing up. When people dont understand I ask them “when did you learn you were a girl/boy?” For me it was the same as any other fact about myself, like having brown hair or what religion I was… just a normal fact.

I was reunited with my biological family through facebook. It has been a heart healing experience. I ALWAYS had the desire to reconnect. I can remember talking about it as early as preschool. 


Post # 8
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Misswhowedding: do you have any advice to parents who adopt? Like what to talk about, how to approach the topic, things to never say?’

My husband and I are going to adopt (I have two children from my previous marriage, he has none, I’ve had a hysterectomy). I am kind of nervous because it is all new territory to me and I don’t know how to best approach it with our child when the time comes.

Post # 9
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsA1123:  I know you asked Misswhowedding, but I figured I’d add my two sense, also being an adoptee. 

All I can say is love your child and know they they are yours. My parents bought children’s books that explained adoption (be careful of which ones you buy, some are VERY odd). The one I remember when I was a kid, was a sesame street one. My parents spoke about adoption as a typical normal fact. My mom would say “you didnt grow in my belly like _______ but you grew in my heart. You were always meant to be ours”

I would say knowing a lot of adopted people, a sore spot can be when family discusses genetic likeness. Theres no quicker way to make an adopted kid feel like an outsider, than to talk about how cousin sally, got her deep green eyes from grandma Lily. And how so-and-so looks so much like _____. I wouldnt say never talk about it, but I would say its definitely not something to talk about in great depth, in front of an adopted person. 

And my parents always said: if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to know (even though they tried hard to follow this, they did not always stick to it- which did hurt my feelings when I found out they were with holding information for me). I think if you stick to that philosophy you will be golden. Answer what you can, celebrate the differences (if there are any), and just love. Good luck on your adoption journey! 

Post # 10
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@Misswhowedding:  I’ve always wondered about this. Did growing up knowing that you were adopted make you feel at all out of your place in your family compared to other kids? How about for your brother? If yes, why/what would you have changed? If no, why/what helped you not feel out of place? 

Thank you so much!

Post # 12
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hi there,

My husband are on a waiting list to go through the adoption process right now, but it takes a long time, so we are looking at another 1-2 years. 

I don’t know of many private adoptions nowadays, and that’s not the kind we’re looking at. We are hoping to adopt a child around 2-5. I’d actually prefer a closed adoption, but like I said that rarely happens around here. 

Anyway, I have a few questions. 

Do you think growing up knowing your birth family would have changed your relationship with your family? I know that one might be hard to answer.

Even tho you aren’t blood related, do you have any similarities (personality, likes/dislikes/, sense of humour, ect) to your  family?

Would you consider adoption?

I think that’s it, unfortunately most of my questions would be geared towards someone who was adopted as a child rather then a baby.



Post # 12
437 posts
Helper bee

Hey guys,

Just got linked to this thread and thought I’d add my story in case anyone is interested.

I was adopted at 4 months old.  My birthmother was a very young teenager and decided to try and keep me until she realized it was too much.  Children’s Aid was called and I was moved to a foster home to await adoption.

My parents (who, I guess technically, are my adoptive parents) had been TTC for many years after they were married.  My mom was a nurse and my dad owned his own business, so everyone just thought that they were too career-driven for children.  They were put on an adoption waiting list through the Children’s Aid Society when they were 34 and waited 5 YEARS to get me! 

They received a call on a Friday night that I was available and were told they had the weekend to think about it before they moved on to the next family.  Monday morning my parents called back to say they wanted me and found out that I would be coming home that Thursday.  Crazy right??  My mom never gets tired of telling that story.  She always says that she had the shortest pregnancy ever.  Imagine prepping for a new baby in just 3 days?!

At that time, you weren’t allowed to adopt past the age of 40, so my parents never ended up getting another child.  I have a ton of information from Children’s Aid about generic details of my birth parents. I’ve honestly been SO interested in who they are, but never actually wanted to meet them.  More of a “I wish I could be a fly on the wall” kinda situation.  Just recently, I had to apply for a “long form” birth certificate and accidentally found out the name of my birth mother, but I still have no interest in contacting her.  So many people think that this is weird, but although I think that she is an amazing person for going through with the pregnancy and making such a tough decision, she’s not my real mamma 🙂

My parents are my absolute everything!  I am the luckiest person on earth to have been matched up with them and if we can’t conceive, there has never been any question in my mind that I would adopt.  It was the best thing to ever happen to me 🙂

PS This is a picture of the day i became OFFICIALLY theirs!  We had to go to court to have everything finalized a few months after they got me 🙂  I should mention that this happened in Ontario (Canada) and in the 1980’s, so I’m sure things are probably pretty different now! 


Post # 13
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

2catsandaman:  I love that picture. Your parents look 100% elated. Such a beautiful story.

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