Post # 1
Mr. Bees post on LDR “virgins” (ahaha!) got me thinking…
This is my second international LDR. My first one lived in Colorado & I lived in Toronto, Ontario. He was Canadian & we were in a SDR first before his big move. When we broke up I SWORE I wouldn’t ever get into another LDR… and then I fell for Mr. RB.
It makes me wonder if I’m a serial long distance dater?! When I first started dating Mr. RB my mother actually asked me to date guys locally because she felt it was unhealthy for me to be in a LDR. She thought it was a way for me to keep my bf’s at arms length & keep myself closed off (I’m a child of divorce- so she worries about me lol).
I 100% wouldn’t encourage anyone to get into a LDR! Avoid it at all costs!! I hate LDRs. It worked our well for me (and all of you!), but most don’t work out & they are a major source of pain and emotional stress.
So… would you ever encourage a friend or family member to get into a LDR? Would you actively try to discourage them (like my mama did)?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Uh, no, I wouldn’t encourage it. 🙂 I’m not saying it can’t or won’t work, but for me, 40 miles was as LD as I have ever been willing to go. 😉
Post # 4
I don’t know that I would encourage an LDR specifically. I would (and have) encouraged a friend to take that chance with someone special, who happened to live in another part of the country. I was encouraging him to follow his heart because he realized this lady was someone he’d loved for a long time. It was more of an encouragement to take a chance on happiness. (Sadly, he found out right as he was about to speak to her that she had just gotten into a new relationship. Poor guy.)
So I guess I’d say that yes, I’d encourage a friend to pursue happiness and love, regardless of whether it would encompass an LDR or not. I certainly wouldn’t discourage them on account of the distance, though I’d relate my experiences–good and bad–honestly if they asked for my opinions of LDRs.
Post # 5
I don’t encourage it. Doing the LDR thing was one of the hardest experiences of my entire life. It is so hard to be 7 hours (on a good day) away from the person you love especially when bad things happen and you need them to be there. I don’t really discourage it but I do tell them the truth if people ask what an LDR is like.
Just to be clear, I’m not saying it wasn’t worth it – I love my FI and I don’t regret the experience but it was darn hard.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2010 - Victorian Gardens of Two Sisters
One of my coworkers is actually considering an LDR. I didn’t try to talk her out of it, but I didn’t encourage it either. I made sure she knew what she was getting into, and gave her a lot to think about before committing herself to one.
LDRs aren’t for everyone, but when you’re someone on the positive spectrum, it’s hard to absolutely discourage someone from beginning one themselves. Mr. Doxie and I have a wonderful relationship, and did throughout our LDR, but I’ve been in one that was pretty bad, too.
So, I guess my answer is that I’d encourage someone to weigh all of the pros and cons, but I’d try to remain neutral overall : )
Post # 7
I stay neutral. It was really hard for us, but the challenges made us stronger. People tried to discourage us, but I would have missed out on the best thing to ever happen to me and the love of my life. (Wipes tears away while typing this).
I just can’t imagine my life without Mr. DG, and the 750 mile distance seems like a bad reason to thwart true love!
Post # 8
@Mrs.DG: Awww! I agree that I would never trade in my LDR experience because I’ve gained so much. I’ve found the love of my life 🙂
If my sister were considering one though– I like to think I’d give her options & things to think about, but I’d probably end up like my mom & encouraging her to look for love elsewhere. Sigh.
Post # 9
I ditto the neutral! I don’t discourage it or encourage it and when people ask me how I feel about it, I just say, “I just love him that much that it’s worth it…but he’s the only one i’d pursue it with. You reeeeeally gotta want it. I’ve had friends consider it, and i’m always like, “just make sure you REALLY want to be with him. If not, it won’t work out” sadly, only my one friend’s LDR (military also) has panned out for the best. What’s meant to be will be. Sometimes sooner than later in an LDR vs. SDR
Post # 10
i won’t encourage or discourage anyone but i’d advise them to seriously think about it before pursuing and ldr. i simply say it’s not for everyone. i didn’t think about it before diving in but i didn’t realize just how much work it actually took until after we moved from the “honeymoon stage” into real life. i wouldn’t trade it in for anything in the world because i seriously am in love with my guy and look forward to spending a lifetime with him.
that said, don’t worry about being a hypocrite rb, my guy swore up and down that ldrs didn’t work and here we are, going on 5 years together!
Post # 11
It’s such a person-to-person thing; too hard to generalize.
There are definitely circumstances in which a LDR is worth it; there are others where it’s not. Whether it’ll work or not is just a matter of the couple at hand.
Post # 12
I don’t think I’d discourage it so much as just warn them. I would tell them that they have to realize how stressful and painful they are. I would want them to go into an LDR with realistic expectations of what it actually involves. It’s rough and I definitely dont think it is a situation that everyone can face successfully. I think us LDR girls are made of special stuff.