im an odd duck but…

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: My daddy isnt around for the father daughter dance, but i have a fill in...what song?
    Heartland – I loved her first : (6 votes)
    10 %
    One Sweet Day- Mariah Carey &. Boyz II Men : (16 votes)
    27 %
    Play the song, don't dance, just have the photo up and say the "daddy I love you and...." : (16 votes)
    27 %
    don't do anything : (18 votes)
    31 %
    Something else....Comment Below : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @AndysCraftsNmore:  I personally wouldn’t do anything because it would be too emotional (in a bad way) and I wouldn’t want that hanging over my head on my wedding day. There is no stand in for my dad, so I would just skip this.

    I can somewhat understand because my dad is very ill. We have changed our wedding plans to accomdate his attendance but there is always a chance he won’t make it. I hope every single day that doesn’t happen but I would never have anyone stand in his place. I wouldn’t feel right about it. That’s just me though.

    Post # 4
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I love Heartland- I loved her first, that’s going to be one of my father/daughter dance (I have bio and step dad).  I’m sorry about your father passing, and can only imagine how hard this is on you.  I think if you want to dance with your neighbor since he is like your second dad…you should go for it.  But I do love the idea of playing a song in memory of your dad…I think thats super sweet.  You don’t have to dance with your neighbor for the father/daughter dance…you can still dance with him, but also do the song in memory for your dad.  If you decide to do the dance, I voted for the Mariah Carey one…I think Heartland is a beautiful song…but maybe you can dedicate that song in your dads memory instead of dancing to it w ur neighbor?  Its a hard decision no matter what you decide, but it will be wonderful regardless.

    Post # 5
    5815 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @AndysCraftsNmore:  What do you want as a memory more? Which song 10,20 years from now when you think of your wedding will bring you joy and not sorrow?

    Post # 7
    259 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I wouldn’t do anything.  I was almost going to check One Sweet Day, but that would make me lose it.  My friend lost her dad a year before her wedding and they recognized him by lighting a candle and playing his favorite song before the mother gave her away to her now husband.  Nothing else was said.

    My FI’s dad died in 2004 and we are trying to determine how to pay respects to him.  We were thinking of a quick toast (and whiskey was his name-o) or just an 8×10 of him at the bar.  It is all how you want to do it.  It is your father and he will be with you regardless.  I am sorry for your loss

    Post # 8
    3089 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @AndysCraftsNmore:  I think having a special dance with your neighbor is a great idea.  My friend got married a few weeks ago.  She lost her mom close to 20 years ago, and she decided to have a dance with her brother.  I SOBBED throughout their entire dance like a crazy person, but it was SO sweet.

    My mom and brother passed away before my wedding.  I had pictures in my bouquet and a note at the bottom of my programs for them.  Had my brother been around or anyone I considered to be a “second mom” to me I 100% would’ve done a dance with them

    Post # 9
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Sorry for you loss and how hard this is for you. 

    I voted One Sweet Day – but only if you think you are up to it. Would be very emotional and you want to honor your dad. What do you think your dad would want you to do?


    Post # 10
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No one could ever fill my Daddy’s shoes.  But if there was someone else who was there for me I would definitely do something at the wedding.  I have no opinion about the song but I think it’s a super sweet gesture to honor a guy who’s been there for you. 

    Post # 11
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    My father passed away as well and I don’t plan on doing anything on my wedding day (or over the course of the entire weekend) like this because I think it turns the event into a memorial service rather than a wedding celebration.  You will know your feelings that day and how much you miss your father, as will your family and friends (and your fiance) and anyone else who knows you.  Plus once you do something like that the entire mood changes for the rest of the event and it’s hard to get past it (and you don’t want the only thing people remember about your event was how you had a memorial service for your father in the middle of it do you?).  I don’t mean to be harsh but that’s the reality of it :-/. 

    Post # 12
    42157 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @AndysCraftsNmore:  I think you could do both songs.

    Start off with I Loved Her First while you start  the photo display, but don’t dance this part. Did your Dad have a special chair you could sit in and just be remembering your Dad? Or can you bring in a rocking chair? Or, you could just stand on the sidelines with your husband and mother. You don’t have to play the whole song. Just a few bars will do.

    I would insert your recorded greeting here,then switch to One Sweet Day and have your neighbor come in and take your hand to dance. Try to find a version of One Sweet Day that was recorded more uptempo.

    I also suggest you have it pre-arranged for the wedding party to join in for the last 1/2 of this song, then wave in the rest of the guests when there are just a few bars left.

    Fade the song out before Mariah sings the last few slow bars .Have your DJ move right into an uptempo dance to brighten the mood for the guests immediately.

    Post # 13
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I think it might be a bit weird and confusing to people if you do the father/daughter dance with the neighbor. Especially if it’s sad and emotional and you have the slideshow. Some people may wonder who the heck you’re dancing with.. or think he’s your dad.

    I don’t like getting too emotional in public, so I’d find the whole thing incredibly stressful and awkward… like PP have said, it could put a damper on your entire night. And you don’t want guests to feel sad and uncomfortable either.

    I’m all for lighting a candle to honor him or something, but this just seems a bit over the top… to me at least. I think your heart is in the right place, and if your dad is looking down on you, he’ll be really proud 🙂

    Post # 15
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Seriously, I can’t even hold back the tears right now just reading this. I’d be a mess watching you dance to any of those songs.

    Maybe you should do a slideshow which starts with One Sweet Day and some pictures of you and your dad and then segue’s into some childhood pictures of your FI and then some pictures of the two of you together – I would pick 3 songs and do like 1-1.5 min clips of each song.

    Post # 16
    2064 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013


    my father passed when i was 17 and when i got married i decided to have my brother and i dance. i let him help me pick the song. since my mom is portugese i kept it light and picked on of those. something he was able to shine at him self. cuz im really close with him but..

    i really thought about picking the song “im all ready there.”by lonestar so sad though. it goes.

    the little girl asks” when are you coming home daddy” and he says

    I’m the sunshine in your hair
    I’m the shadow on the ground
    I’m the whisper in the wind
    I’m your imaginary friend
    And I know I’m in your prayers
    Oh I’m already there

    ##sniff sniff tear# had to share that. my dad used to travel for work a lot so it really does hit home even before.  i just didnt want to bawel my flipping eyes out. so i kept it to myself. that and i knew my mom would have baweled too.

    but the priest who married us new my father. i had his mother ring. my DH had his cufflinks. we also lit a candle in the church and had my fav picture of him there framed.

    the song doesnt just make me sad it makes me happy knowing its all true. also i would give two cents about what the guests think about it. do what feels right for you and your family.


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