(Closed) I’m An Old Maid in My Town-GIANT VENT

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3672 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I know how you feel.  It seems like everyone I know who started dating in high school waited longer to get married than everyone else (including us).  We got engaged after three and a half years and married after five.  A lot of people I know were married by the time I was engaged or shortly after even though they had been dating a short time.  Almost everyone I know my age (23) is married for a year or more with a child and about to have another one which is so strange to me.  Everyone actually thought we took a long time to get married and I’ve actually been told by some people (mainly BIL) that I’m going to be an “old mom” when we start having kids (which will probably be around when we’re 25 or 26). 

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hooow strange. I’m experiencing the opposite.

I’m 24(25 in september) and I’m the first one to get married. We’ve been together for almost seven years and have a child, so it’s about time. But I feel I’m almost too young to get married since no one else is doing it around here. My best friend recently got engaged, so I’m guessing they’re getting married next summer. It will be my first wedding except from my own this summer.

Post # 5
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why is age a factor at all when being married or engaged?  I thought it was about happiness and when they had that feeling they have found “the one” they can spend the rest of their lives with… what ever happened to that?  I understand you didn’t ask for advice but here it is anyway and in the nicest way possible – who cares how old you are and how old these others are that are engaged/married/expecting.  You are 22 – this is the time that you should be exploring and having fun.  Why are you so demanding that you have to settle down now??  You have the biggest advantage over all these other people – go out there and make a name for yourself!  Instead of hearing about Betty Sue just got engaged, they’ll be saying your name around town and all the great things you are out there doing because you don’t have that extra responsibilities these others have.  Take advantage of what you have and have fun.

 

And I really hope you don’t vent like this to your current boyfriend because he’ll soon be ex-boyfriend.  No guy wants to hear things like that.  You cannot rush a guy into engagement – if you do, the relationship will never last.  I bet you in about 5-10 years (maybe even less than that!) that Betty Sue and John are splitting up because they got engaged/married too fast and too young.

 

Enjoy your single life and really get out there and explore everything out there and make a name for yourself!

Post # 6
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@mandb122: I hope you don’t listen to BIL about being an “old mom”.  There is no such thing.  The only thing that exist when having children is being “a great mom” – and that’s what you and hubby need to remember.  Ignore all these stuff that is happening in these others life.  Just remember because you don’t have those extra responsibliites, you can enjoy more things, save money, and do the things you want to accomplish before having children.  I bet you the one who had a child at age 20 is aying “What if” right now.  Enjoy your time together and remember the best time to plan on having children is when you’re both ready! If it’s unplanned, then make the best out of it! 

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I have towonder what state you live in…dare I ask GA? One side of my family is like that.(the divorced/separated side,ironic?Yes.) But where I live, ppl don’t act like that. And I’m 30!

@mandb122: Don’t worry about being an old mom.I’ll have my 1st child in September and I don’t care if someone calls me old. LOL Plus, financially…we’re above straight with our home. 🙂
 

Post # 8
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re 22.  Relax.  Plenty of time.  🙂

It’s seems to be in my and J’s situation that everyone around us has children and we don’t.  I mean everyone.  Friends.  Family.  People in the town.  It’s absolutely ridiculous.  We want children ASAP, but of course, we want to have financial stability first.  Also want to have the wedding first.

Post # 9
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

@stephalina6: I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with your assesment of what she wrote. If you take a look at again I think you’d see that she’s simply pointing out the sillyness of the whole situation, that it’s crazy that people look at her like she’s an old maid even though she’s only 22. And she was only just venting that the reason her guy got her a cheap promise ring was to avoid being teased and crumpling to peer pressure (misguided at that) is no reason to get your girl any kind of ring. Like any woman who’s been dating their guy for any amount of time, she probably wants to get married but hasn’t made an issue of it and is just simply tired of everyone in her area making it their issue because they happened to make the choice to get married super early.She’s not demanding she settle down. She is just tired of the social pressure around her.

 

Post # 10
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@April_Mae: I’m also 22 and folks from my HS class are working on their 2nd or third kid… or marriage. OR they moved away and rock and roll and night and party every day…

Post # 11
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@helenberrycrunch: Ha, so true.  Most of the girls in my graduating class (2006) are already on their second or third child as well.  Say what?

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@stephalina6:  I also disagree with your assessment.  OP simply seems to be venting her frustrations with being viewed as an “old maid” at 22… which I would also be upset with.  I think a lot of people would.  I also don’t like it when posters are discouraged for venting– if not here, then where??  Since she is venting here, she’s most likely not pouring all of this on her BF… and honestly, maybe he should hear SOMETHING.  It’s not like he’s getting any of the ridiculous pressure or being viewed as an old maid.  He really should know what the other side feels like.

And @mandb122:, that “old mom” statement is ridiculous.. LoL.  Especially since you said you plan to start by 25.  Is your BIL also calling your husband an “old dad”?  That’s like the most ignorant thing I’ve heard in a while.  LoL.  I’m 28 and I def will not be having any kids for at least 3 or 4 more years.  Guess I’ll be a super-old mom. 

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow!! Maybe it’s cause I’m from NYC but wow!! I am getting married at 30 and the majority of my friends are single, some are in long term relationships but no rush to be married.

Relax, don’t listen to anyone but yourself.  When the time comes, you will do it for the right reasons and ot just to keep u with the joneses

Post # 14
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Definitely where you live may play into it.  I grew up in a rural area, and graduated high school in 2005.  A lot of the people there didn’t go to college.  Instead, they got married right away and many have 2 or 3 children already.

My group of friends all went to college and many went on to graduate/ professional (MD/PharmD/PT) school.  Most of those people are starting to consider marriage or recently got married but are years away from having kids.  We have another circle of friends who are about 5 years older than my husband and I, and many of them waited until 30 to get married.

Post # 15
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The college friend of mine who got married at 22 has now been a housewife for over a decade and has decades to go of the same thing.  She has three kids and I’m sure a fourth will come along at some point.

Do you know how bored she is?  She loves her kids.  She loves her husband.  But, she hasn’t had any of the amazing experiences that the rest of us had in our 20s. She never went to grad school.  Never moved around.  Never lived in a city.  Never been to a music festival.  Never done those sort of rite-of-passage girlfriend trip anywhere.

 

If you want something different, why not move to the city, where your boyfriend lives? 

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