Post # 1
Sorry bees, vent ahead……
I woke up at 5am this morning to my cat screaming outside the bedroom door – not entirely unusual as we’ve just been through daylight savings and 6 is my normal wake up time when i feed him…he hasn’t adjusted yet so has been loud the past 2 or 3 mornings, but usually only for a minute or 2 then he settles down and waits for me to get up. THis morning, he kept screaming and his screams were pretty loud and almost as if he was in pain, so i got up and gave him some food…then i noticed that he’d been pretty sick in his litter box and wasn’t really taking his food, so i figured that he needed to “go” again, but he won’t go in a dirty litter box so was probably holding it in. ANYWAY – I spend an unfortunate 10 minutes or so cleaning out the disgusting litter box, leave his food out for him, and get back in bed for a few minutes. my fiance is TOTALLY awake through all this, but rolled over and pretending not to notice what i’ve been doing. I get up to shower and when i come out he’s snuggling with the cat (cute). WHen i go out i notice the cat has been totally sick in the litter box AGAIN and i can’t face cleaning it out again, and I’m already 20-30 minutes behind where i should be getting ready for work. So i ask my fi if he could please clean the litter box, cause the cat seems to be sick and probably needs to go again, so could he clean it so he doesn’t poo on the floor or worse the carpet. Fi is all “yeah, i’ll clean it”, but stays in bed another 20 minutes and then comes out and sits on the couch and watches tv for another 10, without doing anything! WHen i left i was pissy and he got all defensive and basically we left each other on bad terms. I sent him an email about an hour ago apologising for being a bitch but stating that i was annoyed that he didn’t clean the litter box right away and didn’t get up to help me clean it in the first place. No word back yet.
I get *SO* annoyed when he says he’ll do something and then puts it off and puts it off, and he gets *SO* annoyed when i call him out on it. I never know what to do in these situations. I’m getting more worked up every minute that he doesn’t email me back.
Why, oh why, do men have to be from Mars and women from Venus? Why can’t we just be on the same page about these stupid little things??
And to make it worse I’m worried about my poor brucey who’s sick. Fi’s mom was feeding him this weekend and i know she gave him something that didn’t agree with him. Add that to the reasons I’m annoyed with him now.
Post # 3
@ScarletBegonia: My FI is the same way. I don’t really have any advice just *hugs* and I hope your kitty is ok.
FI always gets upset at me for nagging him, but then he tells me I have to remind him to do things. Apparently I always remind him at the “wrong” times. It makes me want to scream, “If you want me to remind you to do things, you can’t dictate WHEN it’s ok for me to make those reminders.”
Post # 4
@KatNYC2011: yep, same here. always says “remind me to do this or that” and then gets defensive if i do, and says “i was JUST ABOUT TO DO IT, why are you on my back about it?” ugh. I wonder if people in same sex relationships go through this? Women, as a whole, seem so much more proactive than men.
Post # 5
🙁 I’m sorry your going through this, I hate when my pet is sick! Poor baby!!
As far as men, my FI is the SAME way. SO I complety sympathize with you.
Post # 6
Yep. I keep remindng J that my damn oil needs to me changed. He told me my car won’t blow up. Well, I have to drive back and forth to work then we were supposed to use my car this weekend to visit my family, but plans were changed.
Post # 7
No advice either, just another FH that’s the same way. I ask him to take out the trash and it takes him 45 minutes to do it. The other night, I sliced my finger open and I asked FH if he would please cut up the potatoes while I doctored my finger, and 15 minutes later, he’s still watching TV.
Most of the time, he doesn’t take very long, but if he’s in bed or watching something on TV, no chance of him doing anything.
Post # 8
@ScarletBegonia: I’m sorry you’ve had it rough today . I don’t envy your litter cleaning duties. Hopefully he will understand after your email and be a little more proactive. When fiance gets like this (he calls it being laid back, I call it procrastinating) I just kindly remind him that I’m not trying to be his mom but…he needs to get xyz done. Good luck and I hope your kitty gets better soon.
Post # 9
I hope your kitty gets better soon!
My SO does that crap, too. I honestly don’t ask much of him, but when I do, I try to ask him to do things without asking, (like mentioning that something needs to get done and that I dont have the time to do it…makes him feel like he’s coming to my rescue…yes, it’s stupid, but it works) If he takes his sweet time, then I use one of two approaches:
1) Do it myself with a smile, without saying a word and make a fricken production out of the event. This approach works well if he is asleep, or it is something noisy.
2) Wait it out as long as you can until he does it. Once, after I worked hard on an elaborate dinner, he told me he was going to clean up the kitchen. I told him he didn’t have to, but he insisted. Couple hours passed and he didn’t budge. Finally, he wanted to get frisky and move things up to the bedroom. I said “Awesome, I’ll meet you up there in 15 minutes.” After asking why, I told him that if I didn’t clean the kitchen before we went upstairs for the night, there would be bugs in the morning. He got the kitchen cleaned up in 10 minutes before scurrying upstairs.
These sound soooo passive aggressive but they work! SO hates what he percieves as “nagging” so I had to change up my approach a little bit.
Post # 10
I followed up my email with a text message and finally got a response – he’s been in a meeting with his phd supervisor all morning and didn’t get his emails (or so he says 😉
He apologised and said he cleaned up the litter box and the whole balcony that its on when i left, and that brucey wasn’t sick anymore before he went to work. I still have some residual annoyance but i was glad to hear from him.
Stupid, stupid men..i hate the control he has over my emotions! But at the same time i guess thats what i love 🙂