I'm apparently unqualified to marry in a church.

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@crackktheskyy:  you say it would mean the world to your FMIL to wed in a catholic church, but is getting married in a church (either catholic or protestant) important to you and FH? It would seem not for FH if he hasn’t been to church in ten years. Just wondering if you are stressing yourself out trying to marry in a church to please someone else?

Post # 4
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@crackktheskyy:  We ran into the same type of problems – so you aren’t alone! We were unable to find a church to marry us in the town we are getting married in, so we ended up finding an officiant to perform the ceremony (and booked an old historic buidling for a very low fee). The officiant has been AWESOME. She has been accomadating and friendly and helpful…..I would highly recommend giving that a try Smile Good luck sweetie!

Post # 5
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@crackktheskyy:  That sounds frustrating.  Can you book an officiant and marry in another venue?  That’s probably what I’d do.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@crackktheskyy:  If religion isn’t important to you (and it’s obviously not if you guys haven’t been to church in a decade) then I’d worry about finding a venue that is true to who you are as a couple. It’s your wedding, not his mother’s. 

If it makes you feel better, I’d be struck down if I entered a church, so I’d never get approved either 😛 

Post # 7
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you morally against having a pastor/preacher/whatever marrying you at your reception venue? 

Thats what we did as DH and I are most certainly “unqualified” to marry inside a church (not thst we wanted to anyway).

Post # 8
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

@happyheidi1984:  This is what we’re doing! We picked a historic venue, it’s actually an old Masonic temple. 

Perhaps that’s something you can look into? Even though ours isn’t a practicing church it is still religious? Maybe just having a pastor perform the ceremony will be enough for your FMIL and you can find a nice venue. 

Post # 10
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

We were able to find a beautiful Protestant church where they allowed us to have a full Buddhist ceremony and didn’t care at all. In fact, a lot of churches around here allow that because there are just so many churches, what with it being the Bible Belt and all. Sorry you’re having issues!

Post # 13
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@crackktheskyy:  I went through the exact same thing trying to find a Catholic church to perform our marriage. My parents live in one of the suburbs of the city I live in, and attend church at the Catholic church by their house. I live in the same city, but closer to downtown and attend the church near my home. Because I hadn’t officially “registered” with that church, they gave me the WORST run-around about getting married there. I was told no, so, heartbroken I might add, I started looking for other churches (which is frustrating because they all said the same thing – only parishoners). Though I was researching other options and even reserved another church, I kept at the admin staff at my church and finally (after SIX MONTHS I might add) got a meeting with the priest I wanted to officiate and he was totally fine with everything!

I know it’s really frustrating – I was at the point where I felt my faith slipping because of the constant denial – but if you keep at it, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a church. As others said though, only if it is important to you and not all for someone else. Since you’re a student, maybe you can go home over one of your longer breaks and just start showing up at the churches you’re interested in?

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@crackktheskyy:  Ugh I had this debacle with the Catholic church as well.  We chose a venue an hour away from where we live so I was hoping to marry somewhere near there.  I was met with nothing but resistance and RUDENESS!!!  I mean, seriously, IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S FREE.

Anyway, we lucked out (sort of) b/c we looked into the church in our town and loved it, loved the people, were received warmly, etc.  But it’s an hour from our venue.  Ya know what?  We’ll figure it out…

Best of luck.  I can’t for the life of me figure out where the Catholic church gets the nerve turning people away.  They’re hard up enough for parishoners as it is!!! 

Post # 15
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There are a few old churches that don’t necessarily operate as churches and now serve as wedding and special event venues. I found a few when i was looking for my venue.

 

Post # 16
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@crackktheskyy:  How are we supposed to feel like welcomed members of the faith community if we cannot participate in it? 

That is the sad part about the whole situation.  You and your FI obviously value religion but since you haven’t establish yourselves in a local church/parrish you are being punished.  Have tried calling unitarian universalist churches in the area?  They tend to be more lenient towards non-church members because their primary goal is inclusiveness of all.  If that doesn’t work out then find a non-denominational site like a city/state park and hire an officiant.  If his mom gets upset, show her the emails and communications from the churches you contacted.

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