I'm being harrassed and now IM the one who's in trouble

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Find a new job.  It’s the company culture and while you shouldn’t have to put up with it, at this point I feel like your best options are to find a new job.

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

 @beekiss:  +1…this is just weird to be in a company where this sort of culture is allowed.

Another thing-I rememer that I didn’t like the way my job operated with breaks/lunches and my boss didn’t give me the answer I wanted so I went to HR thinking I was just going to ask appropriate probing questions to get the answer I wanted…I was like 22 at the time lol…and they called my boss and me into a meeting with HR and OMG I was SOOOO EMBARRASED.  I did not have THAT big of an issue with my situation, didn’t want a big deal made about it, so I just learned to really watch what I say and how I say it.  I’m not sure what your coworker is saying and what the culture is bc I’m not there…but if it makes you uncomftorable, perhaps you should quit.  IDK about severence pay if you’ve only been on the job a year and you are quitting not being fired/let go…fyi.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Kimber_bee:  Why is your mother saying what you want? This is your job.

Typically companies do not give severance pay unless someone is being let go.  But you want to quit, so likely the most you would get would be a “thanks for the two weeks notice, now go now.”

You need to find a new job.  You have already posted that you do not feel like you fit in.

Yes this does sound like sexual harrassment, but really as soon as you start asking for compensation then your point is going to be undermined.   And from your previous posts,it doesn’t   sound like they are trying to be malicious, they’re just pigs.  And they likely didn’t expect the temp they hired full-time to start trying to change the corporate culture.  Just chalk this up to a learning experience and move on.

Post # 7
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

You need to find a new job, one where the culture is more in line with what you are comfortable with.

Post # 8
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Kimber_bee:  You are not owed anything unless you bring a lawsuit and I seriously doubt you want to do that.  Keep your head down, find a new job, and move on. 

Post # 9
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If I were you, I would make such a fuss about the whole nightmare with HR AND with your boss that they let you go–that way, you’ll get severence and unemployment for a while.

Post # 11
Member
4216 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a similar problem at work with people generally being offensive pigs. I had another problem earlier with a very aggressive bully and like you, got in trouble for going to HR like I was supposed to.

Write down every time he says something offensive to you. Keep a log of it including how you reacted and if he stopped or not. After you have a few examples you can bring it back to HR. The manager might be pissed because you went right to HR and not to him/her first. Mine was, but I honestly thought HR was he proper route in my case. Eventually my bully got repremanded quite seriously. If after going to HR with specific examples, nothing changes, then you can take legal action. Or at that point you can leave. I would have left if I had another option, but I did not. I guess you could start looking quiely, but there are assholes like this at every job. I worry that you’re not the only one getting treated this way as well. If it makes you uncomfortable it probably makes other people uncomfortable. It wasn’t until after I came forward about the bullying that others did too. 

Post # 12
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kimber_bee:  I had something somewhat similar happen to me. I was harassed by one of the senior executives at my former company, and when I confided in one of my colleagues, he advised me to try to deal with it myself because it was an Indian-based company so there was a certain amount of institutional misogyny and there was no guarantee that HR would handle it well, especially considering his importance within the organization. Long story short, that didn’t work, but someone else saw him behaving inappropriately toward me, thought I might have been inviting it, and found myself in the position of having to defend myself to HR. Thank goodness I had tons and tons of documentation that it it was 100% him, and he was ultimately forced to resign over the situation.

So my advice to you, whether you start looking for another job or not, is to force HR to take it seriously. You likely won’t be able to get severance, but if they do not resolve the situation in a satisfactory way, then you will at least be in a good position to seek retribution through the legal system. 

Post # 13
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Kimber_bee:  it is stupid and it’s not fair and frankly it sucks that you even have to be weighing these options but that’s how the chips fall sometimes.

I would also be extremely uncomfortable in that situation, but since this is systemic rather than one person you have to kind of wargame your planned responses.  If this one guy is making all the other little things that pile up unbearable, then there’s your action path.

Until you can leave, it may be just don’t engage with him.  If he starts with the stories just slip away or don’t go to lunch if he’s going to be there. It’s not fair but it happens. There was a guy I worked with that was the worst and since I worked mostly with him I would hear far more about his midlife crises conquests than I ever wanted to. Saying “I’m uncomfortable” lessened it a little but it never went away, and it’s a company where they don’t really fire people. The guy eventually left on his own (thank God).

But no one is promised a life where they will never be offended. And when it comes down to it you have to decide if its worth following this to its conclusion. There will be difficult people and if its not blantently sexual then it might be bullying or favoritism or just really bad communication. Some jobs are just for helping us develop skill sets needed to better handle the next.

Until you can leave, buff up your résumé, you may need different ones depending on what you’re applying for.  Apply like crazy far anything you think you’d enjoy.  Reassess the budget with DH to determine what’s the minimum you both feel comfortable with you making. 

And while this is an undeniably crappy situation, this may be a hinderence that later proves to be an opportunity.

Post # 15
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry, but I think this is a toxic work environment. It’s not your fault, but you’re powerless to change it. I suggest polishing up your resume and sending it out there. You can find a better workplace.

Post # 16
Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Kimber_bee:  I work with someone very similar. He’s definitely the office clown, and he annoys me to no end. Honestly, I ignore him. Literally, IGNORE him. He’ll say something and I don’t even react. People like that want attention, and have found if they act like a total pig, they get it. Your best defense is to not even aknowledge it.

Not every work environment is perfect. I am ok with mine, because I feel comfortable either ignoring someone, or looking at them and basically telling them to shut it. Be nice to your other coworkers, be yourself, and if you don’t want to deal with that kind of culture, move on. I don’t mean to be blunt, but you either deal with it, or you find a new job.

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