Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. We live together and have for about 1 year. We have talked about getting engaged, what our wedding will be like, the things we would like etc. His best friend since he was young met a woman about 3 years ago. He recently proposed to her and they are starting to plan their wedding. His proposal was over the top and her ring is far more than I will ever recieve although it is not my style.
They are starting to plan their wedding…which happens to be exactly what I want down to the colors, the setting and even the dress shape, style and material. We share a lot of mutual friends (obviously) and the boys are like brothers. The issue being that their budget is going to be around 65K as her parents are well off and willing to foot the bill. Mine are not and we will be paying for it out of pocket. Our finances will not allow us to spend nearly that amount, in fact, our budget will probably be in the ballpark of 5K. My boyfriend has also decided that he is not willing to propose for several months as he doesn’t want to “steal his BFF’s thunder” and he doesn’t think that it is appropriate to get engaged in between the time that they get engaged and get married.
Honestly, I feel like I will never have a wedding that is even comparable to theirs and if I do it will seem like a repeat of theirs but with a lower budget. I know that this is silly, I know that I shouldn’t be upset about it. But I can’t help it when I get 5/10 notifications a day from Pintrest saying that BFF’s fiance has re-pinned your pin…but they are only the ones from my wedding boards. I feel like she’s stealing ideas from me and that I will not be able to have a wedding that I enjoy for fear of everyone comparing details and cost. And as the title of my post states, it’s petty. But I needed to get it out somewhere.
I know this is a lovely first post, and I’m sorry.
Post # 2
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: weddings are not a competition.
You should never ever compare your wedding to someone elses
On another notw your BF should propose whenver. He shouldnt worry about stealing someone elses thunder. That is ridiculous. That just makes me think he is stalling for some reason. Why? I dont know, thats something you will have to ask him
I was with DH for 8 years before he proposed. You know how many people got engaged before us and had been together less time? Did I get upset? No bc i knew that one day, i will have my turn when the time is right.
It will happen. Dont rush or give ultimatums or worry about everyone around you. Enjoy eachother. Bc once you get engaged, time flies and thays it, its over in a flash and you are right back to where you were before getting engaged except now you are married!! Lol
Post # 3
1. Your life shouldn’t be put on hold because of your SO’s best friend. You absolutely can get engaged whenever y’all are ready…not stealing his bff’s thunder is B.S. My BFF is engaged and I’m going to be her bridesmaid…she was so excited for me when I got engaged after her and planned my wedding before her. True friends will be supportive.
2. Make your wedding boards private so she can’t see your pins
3. Just remember your wedding is about you and your fiance, not how it compares to anyone elses 🙂
Post # 4
Don’t be sorry… I’d be a little pissed too.
Post # 5
I think that the root cause is that between them everything is a competition. They are like brothers and they both want to win. If one does something it seems like the other always has to go bigger. I don’t know why and quite frankly it gets annoying at times.
I think he is stalling because he is worried that he won’t measure up to his friend. I’m not going to push him but I do have some health issues and due to those my doctor has explained to both myself and him that having children over a specific age increases risks to both myself and baby including stillbirth rates that nearly double. Since I am within a few years of that age it concerns me that we will never be able to do that and it makes me both sad and scared. And since children are important to both of us I feel like it puts pressure on being married since we decided that children before marriage would not be something either of us were ok with.
Post # 6
Pretty much all weddings are simillar why because two people who love each other are making a commitment to each other. You are completely over reacting here. You do realize all the pins on pinterest are from other peoples weddings therefore you are “stealing” another brides ideas as well, remember that.
And there is no such thing as stealing ones thunder for engagement, people get engaged everyday.
Post # 7
I understand your frustration… Try to explain to him that being engaged while they’re engaged happens!!! It doesn’t mean your weddings will be at the same time. It’s not stealing anyone’s thunder.
Also, there are ways to make a beautiful wedding out of a small budget. If someone paid 65k for my wedding I would be PISSED. That kind of money should not go towards one day. Our wedding will be in the 5k range, as well – not including rings. Don’t feel bad. The fact that you two are paying for everything out of pocket and budgeting yourselves is much more impressive than having a parent pay for an extravagent wedding (only in my opinion).
Post # 8
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: that does suck. Due to your health issues, you need to have a serious discussion with your SO about timing. Your wedding will be different, but it might be more intimate or creative too. A bride recently posted a drop dead gorgeous wedding for 5 k. It can be done!
Post # 9
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: Ignore the fact that your friend seems to be having the wedding you want. I know that’s hard, but what’s most important are the two people who are making that commitment. When I married my husband, the last thing I thought was I need to have my dream wedding, it was I’m marrying my BEST friend. We didn’t even have a wedding. So I can’t actually know what it feels like, but you need to focus on your relationship with your boyfriend instead of tit for tat with his BFF and fiance.
Like others have said, talk to your boyfriend about being engaged while they’re engaged is okay. Also talk about your health issues and children. If it’s important to you to be married before kids that’s valid. and he needs to understand that. Whether he agrees is a totally different story but at least see if he can be reasoned and understands.
Post # 10
Make that wedding board private!!!!
Post # 11
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: I think that when you actually come to plan your wedding, you will find that your tastes evolve and you will create something entirely new and wonderful with your fiance. My Pinterest wedding boards ended up being pretty different to how my own wedding turned out! Especially when you are on a budget, there are always ways to achieve gorgeous things that are different to how you originally might have expected them to be. Your wedding will not be a copy of their wedding, especially when both of your fiances put their preferences into the planning process. I would just let them have their day and try to learn from their mistakes. 😉 This is a great chance to discover the difference between what you love on Pinterest and how it plays out in real life.
Post # 12
Where on earth did this moronic “stealing thunder” business come from?? An engagement is essentially an agreement between two people, not a movie premiere. It’s not an excuse for people to give you their undivided attention up to and including the wedding. Your bf saying that he can’t get engaged until his friend is married is absolutely ridiculous. Frankly it sounds like a convenient excuse to delay the engagement – possibly for quite a while.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2015 - Golf and Country Club
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: I understand that you are frustrated, if I were in your situation I would probably feel upset too. However, important things to remember: 1) you have a wedding for a marriage, not just to throw a party and show off, if you can only afford a 5k wedding, then use it wisely and make the emphasis on two people getting married who love each other. If having your dream wedding is a really big deal to you (It is to me, too), don’t get engaged yet and start saving now that way you can afford what you really want.
At the end of the day, people dont care if you have a similar wedding to someone else, they just care they got to see two people get married!
Post # 14
OP I’ve never heard of a man worried that he’ll steal another man’s “thunder.” I’ve heard of men being worried about their female family members’ wishes, engagements, etc. but another man’s engagement? Never.
I second doberman: in thinking that this is a ruse to delay any talks or actions regarding you as a couple. Given your medical reasons I think this is cause for concern and needs to be addressed ASAP w your SO. If it’s insecurity, jealousy, competitiveness on his part and that’s trumping your (plural) ability to have children….and be as archetypically committed as you can be…that’s not just petty and hurtful, it’s holding you back unfairly!
Post # 15
First off, hugs. It sounds like you’ve been building this up for a little while.
I think you need to explain to your boyfriend that if everyone waited politely until there was a time when nobody else had a loomingly big life experience coming up to do things like get married or try for a baby, human society as we know it would collapse into anarchy. Your timeline should be more dependent on your needs as a growing family (especially with your health concerns) than on other people.
I also think that if your boyfriend’s friend needs 65k to make YOUR pinterest wedding work – the wedding you pinned isn’t the wedding you would have had, either. I’m sorry. There are some absolutely gorgeous small weddings on these boards – and the best looking of them are the ones that don’t look like they were trying to copy an expensive wedding on the cheap.
As much as it seems like their lives are competitions, marriage isn’t a race or a contest. You won’t be less married than they are if you have a much smaller wedding!
I don’t know if this will work for you specifically, but what if you offered to help your boyfriend’s friend’s fiancee with working out her vision? Clearly your taste is at least a little bit the same. You can still be part of making a beautiful wedding happen with the added bonus that it doesn’t cost you money. Then once you have a chance to see how things worked out you would probably have a bunch of ideas on how to make YOUR wedding gorgeous on a smaller budget.