Weddingbee boards

When we moved up here everyone was so enthusiastic about definitely coming to see us.  We knew we'd be going back to South Carolina for at least Thanksgiving and everyone seemed to want to come up here before then.  Now it looks like the earliest anyone is going to visit is January.  

My brother has somewhere else to go and can't take enough time off besides that one time.  He also can't take off any time from mid-November through the end of December.  He did say he'd make a huge effort to come in January though.  

My mom doesn't want to come without my brother.  I get that it's a long way to travel alone, I probably wouldn't do it either.  It's still kind of disappointing. 

My dad can't take enough time off of work all at once due to projects until spring.

My MIL wants to come but she can't afford it on her own.  She's willing to fly or drive but would need help.  To fly, my FIL would have to pay for it.  He has the money but doesn't know if he wants to do that yet but is completely willing to pay for himself if others come with him (and pay for themselves).  He doesn't want to drive and my MIL only has money to put towards part of the gas money to get up here. 

My BIL and SIL are the most disappointing.  They were all enthusiastic about coming up here.  Then my husband finds out from his mother that they definitely aren't coming.  Which also means I don't get to see my nephew again until November which I hate.  They said they just can't afford it.  You'd think this is fine right?  Since a few days before we found out they can't afford it, they've gone to a baseball game, out to eat at least once if not more, to the zoo, and are planning on another outing on Friday.  My husband's mom told them it hurt us because they didn't seem to be trying to save to come at all.  They said they can spend their money on what they want.  Ok, that's just hurtful and irresponsible.

Why irresponsible?  It wouldn't bother me if they spent this money on getting health insurance for them and their baby (they don't have any).  Or if they spent it on paying the bills they're at least a month behind on.  Or paid back the tons of money (and I mean TONS) that they "borrowed" from FIL and MIL in the past few years.  But that's not what it's going towards so we just have to forget about it.  But it's hurtful and my husband says he knows they act like that by now and isn't bothered.  But deep down I know it has to hurt that your brother can't save up the $100-150 it would take for both of them and their baby to come here in the two months they've known about the trip.  We were going to cover about $100 a person for everyone while they were here (outings, dinners, etc) and that didn't even cover groceries for us making them breakfast or dinner a few times.

I just had to get that out.  I know some people have valid reasons for not being able to make it but it's still disappointing.  

I understand your disappointment. Most of DH's friends live over on Vancouver Island where he went to high school, about three hours away from us by ferry and bus. DH and I used to go visit his parents on the island a lot and we would see his friends then, but they pretty much never came here.

Now DH and I don't have the same days off anymore, and we used up all our vacation days on our honeymoon, so we rarely get the chance to get over to the island. His friends keep posting on his Facebook, "Hey man, we never get to see you! Come visit!" He replies, "How about you come visit me for once?" Cue dead silence.

Now one of them has moved here for school and is getting a taste of her own medicine. Everyone over there complains that they never see her, but they don't want to be the ones to get off their butts and come here. We have mini vent sessions about it every so often, lol.

It sucks, but what can you do? We can't dictate how other people spend their time or their money, so after a while you just learn to not expect anything, and take it as a nice surprise if they do manage to make a trip your way.

I will also add that I do get that it's a 21 hour drive and I do get that they don't make a whole lot of money.  But I just wish they would at least spend it on bills and not be going out and saying things like "We deserve to have fun".  I'm not saying they don't but I know my husband especially wishes they would save it to come have fun with us.  We had all this stuff planned and now it's just kind of disappointing. 

It sounds like these people don't really have their spending priorities in order, but in general I think "not visiting" is a pretty widespread problem.  We live 3000 miles away from friends and family and I've found that most people just can't get around to planning trips to visit people.  I can understand that.  While we go back to NY to visit family, that + weddings (ours and other people's) consumes all of our vacation time and it's really hard to get a chance to either take vacations for fun OR visit friends and family who live outside of NY.

I've found in general, that most people will only travel to visit if there's a really big event to go to.  There's a few people who are business travelers, but really only a small percentage of our friends plan trips around visiting people.  Those are the few and treasured "champion visitors."  Some people have that quality but most do not.  It's hard to blame people for wanting a little more free time and spending money in their daily lives, or to want to travel to more adventurous or relaxing places than just where their friends live.  (eating out vs. health insurance for their baby is another story...but I think it'll only make you and everyone else miserable to spend your time critiquing their spending priorities)