(Closed) I'm engaged but falling for someone else…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Break up before you do anything you feel crosses the line.  That’s really all you need to do in order to not be cheating.

Post # 4
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would get out. I wouldn’t tolerate being a yo yo. But that’s just me. 

Post # 5
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ok, so let me get this straight… you are angry at him for his commitment issues, but you are the one that is practically emotionally cheating on him?

Neither of you are remotely ready to get married.


Post # 6
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011


Your title, basically answers your questions. You have doubts. Only you can figure things out and everyone involved has the right to know, including your fiance.


Post # 7
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like your relationship is very unstable.  You deserve to marry someone who wants to marry you!  I think you should end it.  


Post # 8
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@hayeskatz:  Its understandable as to why you’re having these feelings towards your friend. However what I’m hearing from you is not how much you love your Fiance but how much you want a wedding. From what I just read I hear you’re not happy. 

I would really think about cutting your losses and moving on, he should make you want to get married because of the commitment, not the wedding. Priorities seem a little out of order. Just my 2 cents. 

Best of luck and I’ll be looking to see what happens in the future! 

Post # 9
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you need to take another person out of the equation, and decide if you want to be with your Fiance first.

Post # 10
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You deserve to be with someone that has no problem committing his life to you! Your fiancé is using anxiety andcommitment fears as a crutch. Hes not afraid of commitment, he’s already committed! This is the Rest of your life you are talking about and you need to make sure you do the best thing for you. This doesn’t necessarily mean you should break up with your fiance this minute, but it does mean you need to do some serious thinking at wether being with this guy forever is going to be what makes you happy. I couldnt put up with the games your fi seems to be playing with you and still feel good about marrying the guy so I really don’t blame you for being confusedwould mentally exploring what things might be like with someone else. And I do not think that thinking through those things means you are mentally cheating. I wish you luck and know that whatever happens in your life will be just what is meant to happen!

Post # 11
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think, like you stated you need time to sort these feelings out! I am not even sure after reading your post twice, whether you are really engaged at this point (if he called it off and told you he “has commitment issues” doesn’t that mean he’s out of the engagement). Regardless, even if you are still engaged, you shouldn’t be. 

If you were immature when you were younger and spent so many years together, you’ve grown up together. And since he’s a best friend and has been such a fixture in your life, it’s hard to figure out who you are without him. BUT YOU NEED TO DO THAT. The reason I say that is because it seems as though your needs aren’t being met, and that’s when the heart and mind starts to stray. 

Get away from both guys and spend some time figuring out what you really want. Your Fiance has forced you to do that so far for him, it’s time to do it for you. Take control of the relationship and take time to figure out if you even really want to marry HIM or if you’re just wanting to put on the wedidng of your dreams. If he loves you as much as you say he does then he will be waiting if you decide that he’s really Mr. Right. 

Best of luck to you, sorry to hear that you’re being so battered emotionally. 

Post # 13
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hayeskatz:  i think that because your fi is not as committed as you would like him to be you are retracting from him and transferring your feelings to someone else.  call it an emotional safety-mode.  you know deep down that there is some doubt with your fi.  i think if you are feeling this way, there is a reason for it.  do yourself a favour,  break it off with your fi.  you deserve to be happy.

Post # 14
123 posts
Blushing bee

I truly do understand where you’re coming from, but just try to remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.  Once you get there, you often find that it has just as many weeds as where you came from.

Post # 16
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should definitely not be getting married to anyone unless you are both 100% certain that that is what you both want and nobody is wavering or changing their mind. It’s okay to want a wedding, but even if it doesn’t happen next year or even in the next five years, I am sure it will happen eventually and hopefully it will be to someone you are completely committed to and vice versa, and it will be worth the wait because it will be nothing but excitement, certainty and confidence for both of you in your future as husband and wife.

Have you spoken to your fiance about why exactly he has been getting cold feet? There should be no rush to marry if there are doubts. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to break up. You work through your problems if possible and then take the next step when you’re actually both ready.

As for this other person, as a PP said, perhaps your heart is open because you’re not entirely satisfied in your relationship. I’m not sure what to suggest. Depending on your conversations with your fiance, perhaps even a break from both of them will give you some clarity.

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