Im engaged but still shaken up over ex and its been 8 years!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

How is it possible to just “run into” someone 10 times in 3 years? It sounds to me like someone (not sure if it’s you or him) is deliberately trying to make these meetings happen.

You’ve done the right thing by cutting off contact with him (which you should have done as soon as you broke up), but also avoid him if you happen to see him. 

Post # 4
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You’re probably nostalgic for the easy, responsibility-free first love thing.  That is not what things would be now.  Eventually the little pangs of excitement you feel when you see him or talk to him would turn into day-to-day stuff.  You’d argue about taking care of kids and dishes and money.  You’re not over a fantasy, not this actual man.

Post # 5
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

seeker:  +1  I think this is a really good response.

For a lot of people, there is something truly special and unique about your first love. It has a different sort of intensity, so it’s completely normal to remember it with such fondness. In this situation, you have the added complication of not ever having the reality of the relationship (since he wasn’t ready to commit) set in after the honeymoon/novelty phase so although you broke up, your feelings about him never really changed, just faded a bit over time. The way you remember the feelings are not how they would be if you ever were to have a long-term relationship with this man.

The only real problem here is that you’re bothered by the way it makes you feel. Try and cut yourself some slack and be compassionate. Remind yourself you understand why you feel that way and that it’s ok and normal. They say that pain x resistance = suffering, and this really is true. Once you sit with the feelings for a little bit instead of trying to fight them, I suspect it won’t bother you nearly as much. 

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